So you're making a spoof campaign? Anyway you should check out Deus Ex Machina and just another day, they are somewhere on
this list. Oh and before someone else does it:
Powering up Photon Beam cannons, bearing 289 by 57 by 250

Exits are to your right and left, and flamethrowers are under your seat. Be careful, though, as they are sometimes filled with water, so bring your own Napalm or try to club someone with the non-working shotguns in the weapon closet. Also, be careful while wandering the ventilation shafts. If you see a large, five-limbed creature that looks really pissed, it’s probably Carl, give him your lunch and he'll hopefully go away. If you see a big desert creature its probably Raa, give him a fish and he might leave your head alone. In the event of an emergency, the n00bs will be the last into the escape pods, if there’s any room left. The Plasma rifles in the forward locker are released only under authorization of an Admin, :V: God, or hyperintelligent shade of the color blue. Oh, and whatever you do, don't mention the word Freespace followed by the number 3.