Author Topic: Battle Angel  (Read 1880 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Pyro MX

  • 29
  • Frenadian
    • Pyro MX's Art
After posting tons of artwork of this stroy on the forum, I tought it was the good time to show off my story, Battle Angel.

 I'll do my best to translate my story. I am not the best one out there in english (I usually speak french) and I hope that besides the grammatical errors that I might make in there, you will find it good. I will just do the first part since my corrected version is on my other computer. Also, here's a little background info on the timeline. Finally, you might find the first part a bit "quick" and confusing, but I'll post the rest of the chapter later. Have a good time reading it!

[SETTING]
Most of the story takes place in 2971. A 3rd world war ravaged planet earth in 2500. Most of the little towns and cities has been wiped out of the surface and only big cities survived. The story takes place in Canada. There are 3 cities left on the whole country: City A, a mostly civilian city, City B, the tourism center of the country and City C, the Counsil city, where the government is placed. There are some minor conflicts between the US and Canada for water ressources, but some thinks that it may become a major conflict.


BATTLE ANGEL

Chapter one, "Black"

City A Hospital

"Push! Come on it's nearly finished!
-Aaaaaah! It hurts!!
-Oh my god it's coming out! Yes I see it! Continue ma'am you're gonna make it!"

The Dr Herbert and the general Decker were looking the scene, they were amazed . They waited so long for this moment to come. The angel was finally born. They could now start their projet that could lead them to world domination. Decker entered the room and pushed the doctor that was frozen there, seeing that the baby had wings. With a small smile on his face, the general looked the baby. The mother, confused, panicked and asked him to give her his baby. Decker got his handgun out of his pocket and aimed the head of the mother, who was looking him, the eyes full of tears. Decker pulled the trigger.

"Take the baby. Gentlemen, not a single information must get out of this hospital. Kill all the witnesses of the birth. We start de project right now."

 

Offline Singh

  • Hasn't Accomplished Anything Special Or Notable
  • 211
  • Degrees of guilt.
.......while one can appreciate your attempts to go for a significant amount of quality in your writing, you must realize that sometimes quantity matters as well :)

It would be better if you posted a larger part of your translation before commenting on the story though.
"Blessed be the FREDder that knows his sexps."
"Cursed be the FREDder that trusts FRED2_Open."
Dreamed of much, accomplished little. :(

 

Offline Pyro MX

  • 29
  • Frenadian
    • Pyro MX's Art
Chapter 1 continued... (it's not the corrected version, but there's only some details that I added in it so no big difference anyway)

Training Station 1, secret military base, City A surroundings

From the view of the training station, the scientists were going to put 01 on test. It was its first overwhelmed combat simulation and they were going to see what 01 worth. 01, outside, was looking at the vast field on which he will combat training bots in industrial number. Of course, he did that training in simulators a lot of times, but now, it was the real deal. He was fully equipped: explosive charges, sniper, handguns an sword. Also, his wings had grown enough to let him fly for short distances. Growth hormone injections sure helped him...

"Ok 01, we will now open the hangars containing the training bots. Don't be afraid, if it goes wrogn, we have some choppers flying over the combat zone that are ready to help you if we loose control

-Don't worry. I will be fine."

The first hangar's door, placed behind 01 opened and 10 robots got out in line. In about half-a-second 01 got his 2 handguns and put slugged the heads of each of the robots, without turning around. The 2nd hangar opened, with the same amount of bots, but this time they jumped all over 01. The latter shot 3 of them, flew to the nearest tower (some hiding places were put on the field) at a phenomenal speed and hid. The robots were approaching slowly since they lost the target. 01 took his sniper and shot down 5 bots in a row. the last 2 ones started firing on 01, who jumped off from the tower. He took his sword and cut one of the poor robot in half and and toor off the hed of the other, in the same swing. The third and last hangar, a bit further, opened to let a big 5 meters battle robot. 01 ran at full speed on it. The mech shot his missiles, since it was built for bigger targets, it was unable to lock on 01. Still in its dash, 01 jumped and flipped over the head of the robot and fell down behind it, slowing his descent by jabbing its sword in the back of the robot. Now on the ground, he 01 placed a demo charge on the ankle of the immense machine and flew as fast as he could. The charge blew up, and the big 10-tons mass collapsed behind  01 like a card castle. The scientists, in the station, were looking outside, their eyes like a 25 cents piece of money. They all dropped their pencils and tables. they knew they had injected a fairly good amount of hormones in 01 and trained him even in his sleep, but they were not expecting results like that.

01 turned back to face the station, walked to it and shouted "SO, DID I PASS THE TEST?". General Decker got out of it to join him.

"I am very satisfied of the results, Jago. Honestly, I was not prepared for such a performance!

-The AI of your robots is weak. It wasn't tough at all.

-you will not find better in the world. You know that Canadian Robotics builds the best robots. Nevertheless,I was not expecting you to destroy my Duelist.

-That thing is made for bigger targets than me. It was easy to evade him.

-I know... CA Robotics still does not fabric light battle bots... We only have small drones and 2 model A Duelist... well, one now.

-Could you bring a model B on the next test?

-Those toys cost a lot.

-JI know.

-All right... Time for you to relax!

-What the..!"

the gneral shot 01 with a drug bullet. It was a triple charge, so he fell down pretty fast. The doctors brought him to the principal cloning station. They alread had completed 2 series and the rest was created in other bases. Dr Herbert talked to Herbert with some anxiety:

"General... we will have to stop the clonage soon. We can erase parts of his memory for now, but nothing tells us that he will never know what is going on and what is happening now!

-Even if he could know the truth, what would that change? If he rebels, we already have 2 batch of a hundred angels ready.. Of course 01 is superior to them, but dam... 2 hundreds.

-Playing god ain't safe.

-We are far from playing and close of the glory. As soon as the army's ready, nothing in the world will stop us. Up to now, we make Jago beleive that we recruited him and that's working. the likehood that he suspects something is too low for us to worry. Continue the process, Herbert. I need you.

-All right general..."

Dr. Herbert closed the clonage tank and triggered the reproductio  sytem. tons of little filaments penetated 01's body. It was making clonage possible and they could monitor his status this way. All the computers were indicating "Normal" and reproduction started. Dr Herbert and general Decker got out of the immense room to go eat at the cafeteria. They both raised their glas:

"Success, Dr Herbert!

-Success, general Decker!"
« Last Edit: October 08, 2005, 10:51:54 am by 2395 »

 

Offline Pyro MX

  • 29
  • Frenadian
    • Pyro MX's Art
End of Chapter 1

The next morning, general Decker had a pretty good treat for 01. He has ordered a brand new Model B Duelist only for 01. It cost a lot of cash, but Decker wanted to see if 01 could hold against that big machine. 01 has been removed from the tank and brought to the reanimation chamber. His memory has been partly erased as usual, but his heartbeat was abnormally higher on the monitors. Dr. Herbert tought that the hormone injections were responsible. Now awake, 01 was a bit confused:

"Dang... it hurts! I've been knocked a bit in the training, general?

-Well yes a bit. I have a surprise for you! I ordered the Model B you asked yesterday.

-I did ask this? Oh well... exercise at last!"

this time training was a bit different. Sniper towers were reomved and 01 was facing the Model B without any shelter. He said to himself that the robot was only bigger and a bit harder to dodge than a Model A. The Duelist B got out of the hangar and already started slugging 01, who had a hard time dodging the attacks. He tryed to run on the thing as fast as possible. However, the Model B was equipped with blades and flame throwers, which it didn't hesitated to use. When 01 avoided the flame coming out of the robot's arm, he knocked himself hard on the other one. He fell on the ground and rolled a couple centimeters from the killing machine's foot. He climbed on it as far as the neck, opened a protection panel with his sword and placed a grenade in the circuit. The head blew up in pieces and the emergency system of the robot has been triggered: it started to fire in all directions. 01 could only stand below the robot and get out of there before it falls. The Duelist's energy depleted, he fell and 01 ran away as fast as he could.  On the impact, a blade from the Duelist shattered and a piece made a cut 01's arm.

  

Offline Pyro MX

  • 29
  • Frenadian
    • Pyro MX's Art
Well do you think it's worth that I continue translating? Is it too early to tell? Because if I see that nobody is interested or cannot understand because of my translation I'll stop it there. Otherwize, Chapter 2 comin up.