HLP Command: Commence Plasma Core Insertion.
HLP Command: Heat the Photon Welcome Beam.
HLP Command: Fire!
<Nothing happens>
HLP Command: What's wrong with the welcome cannon?
Technician: It broke.
HLP Command: Can you fix it?
Technician: No.
HLP Command: Do you have a backup cannon?
Technician: Uhh, we might...
Technician 2: Yes, we do.
HLP Command: Then, fire it!
Technician: That might not be such a good idea.
HLP Command: Why?
Technician: The backup welcome cannon is a bit... well...
Technician 2: Oversized!
HLP Command: I don't want the newcomers totally obliterrated, just knocked silly.
Technician 2: Nahh, he'll be fine... hehehe
HLP Command: Fire the backup cannon!
Technician 2: Firing the UBFWC!
<Super-low chargeup noise that shakes the entire station and oddly enough the starship that's several kilcks out also shakes from it>
<Sudden blast of infinitely high sound and light>
First of all, welcome to the Hard Light Productions Bulletin Board! Even though you are only the charred, vaproised residue from the welcome, you might want to know a few things about this place. A few server issues are present, so a constantly-changing cerfew will be in place. Also, all bathroom and exit doors are closed shut due to the server, but they have been known to open for you if you insert the equivalent of a ten dollar bill into the little slot on the door. In the case of a landing, crash or otherwise, you can and probably will be used as a floatation device, so bring an extra set of clothes. In the case of any emergencies, there is a weapons locker near the helm of HLP, but those are closed to everyone except for HLP Administrators,
, God, and a hyperintelligent shade of blue. If you need a weapon but can't access the lockers, you can open up the bottom compartment of your seat to find a flamethrower. Unfortunately, due to our servers and budget cuts, they are filled with water, and sometimes white elmer's glue. They have been known to fire in the wrong direction, so be careful. Normally, we would reccomend that they become blunt objects for weapons, but they are currently made of sponge. If you find a shivan walking around in the darker portions of the station or find him in an airduct, I suggest that you give him your lunch, and back away slowly. If he is still following you, I suggest that you run and make your last confessions to god. If you want to, you can break into a locker for a weapon, but pick the ones that are already covered with blood. We don't want you getting a new, clean gun dirty. There are some other things that you should know, but you will have to figure them out yourself. But, there is one thing you definitely have to know. NEVER EVER EVER EVER put the first letter of this paragraph next to the last letter of this paragraph next to the number that comes after "2". I can't be responsible for any damages that may occur to you if you do such a thing. I hope you have a good, and most importantly, a safe time here at Hard Light Productions.
Oh, and your ports should be forwarded correctly.
