[karajorma]

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article3001638.ece

One look at the picture of a seaside paradise on the "official website" of Porthemmet Beach would be sufficient to convince visitors of its claim to be the finest stretch of sand in Cornwall.

In front of azure skies and aquamarine waters, some the lucky few who already know about this hidden enclave can be seen frolicking in the waves before heading off on the Stug, a converted Cornish fishing trawler, to gaze at a coral reef a few hundred yards offshore fed by the warm waters of the Gulf Stream.

Once back on dry land, tourists at "the best beach in Cornwall" are told they can expect to surf, sunbathe topless, eat at numerous restaurants and dance the night away at one of Porthemmet's "famous" parties attended by the county's glitterati. For those who want a quieter life, there is an opportunity to wander around the nature reserve at one end of beach where "the rarest bird in Europe" – the Cornish chough – can be seen.

In the face of such enticements, it is little wonder that holidaymakers have been flocking down the A30 in search of Porthemmet and the road signs, pictured on the website complete with the rose emblem of the English tourist board, that advertise its location.

It is even less wonder that these holidaymakers ultimately turn home in a state of bewildered frustration. Because neither the road signs, nor the coral reef nor Porthemmet itself exist. Closer inspection of the digitally altered picture on the website reveals a large stand of coconut palms in the distance, unusually turquoise seas and a tropics-style beach cocktail bar complete with fresh pineapples and a watermelon.

Jonty Haywood, a Cambridge University graduate currently teaching English in Thailand, yesterday emerged as the author of the hoax website which, for the past six months, has been bamboozling those outside Cornwall who do not know that "emmet" is a disparaging Cornish term for tourists.

Such is the success of the Porthemmet prank that some 6,500 people have visited the site. It even has its own group on the Facebook social networking website with some 2,000 members and supporters taking such fun in phoning radio station phone-ins to extol the virtues of the beach.

Mr Haywood, who is a Cornish native from Truro, denied the website was part of a wider agenda to promote Cornish nationalism by poking fun at some of the millions of tourists who help sustain the county's economy.

He said: "Most people think it's funny. Some discussions have got fairly heated regarding the general dislike of tourists versus their input to the Cornish economy. Although I would like to claim there is an important underlying point being made here, there isn't. Sending tourists off to find an imaginary beach is funny."

Mr Haywood goes to some lengths to ensure the discomfort of anyone falling for his spoof. Visitors are warned: "It should be noted that there is a private joke in Cornwall whereby locals will pretend not to know where Porthemmet Beach is. Don't be fooled, every Cornish person knows about this beach, they are just having some fun. Tell them that you are an 'emmet' (someone that loves Cornwall)."

The deceit has caused a mixed reaction. One entry on the Facebook group said: "Rural communities wouldn't exist without the rest of us helping you out. I've never seen anywhere hate the hand that feeds it like Cornwall does."

Tourism chiefs declared themselves relaxed about the hoax. Malcolm Bell, chief executive of South West Tourism, said: "Although in a way it is a spoof and can be taken negatively, I'm sure people will see the West Country humour."

It's all fun and games until someone runs around shooting people shouting "I need to see titties!"

Oh and here's the website.

[Mustang19]

Wow, I'll be visiting England now. That website looks so legit in the first place.

Talking the Talk

You'll get a lot more out of a visit to Cornwall if you use some of the local slang:

"Giss on" = "That's great", use this if someone tells you something useful.
"Wisht" = "Handsome" or "beautiful" regarding a person.
"Me luvver" or "me 'ansom" is often added onto phrases to express physical attraction.

Just remember that everyone in Cornwall is very friendly and are often thrilled to talk to tourists. Make an effort to join in with whatever the locals are doing, you'll have much more fun and they will really appreciate it.

Vacationing as an American anywhere in Europe=

 

[Mobius]

Wow...

The most interesting thing is...the fact that there are beaches in England. I completely ignored their existance.

Good idea, anyway.  

[Grizzly]

Like the cliffs better.

[Herra Tohtori]

Nude cliffs?

[Hades]

What th hell, Nude Cliffs?

[Mustang19]

Right. And the topic was... ?

 

I can hear my brain sucking away...

[Herra Tohtori]

Hey, I was just asking if the cliffs preferred by -Joshua- were nude cliffs, since quite obviously it's quite an important aspect to clarify.

Although I have to say that I never thought the concept of nude cliffs before, but since cliffs were brought out in the context with nude beaches...

[NGTM-1R]

The mere comment about "nude beach" and "England" sets off alarm bells, and then you mention "coral reef" and I know you're full of crap.

[Mika]

The mere comment about "nude beach" and "England" sets off alarm bells, and then you mention "coral reef" and I know you're full of crap.

But how about the great Victorian moral reef?

Let's see if the Brits would get their share of drunken and unbehaving tourists with this kind of attraction.

Signing off,
Mika

[DiabloRojo]

Better watch out for hoodwinked Spring Breaker emmets this coming season, Cornwall!

'Order Cornwall Girls Gone Wild today! Only £9.99!' 

[Turey]

Damn. The only interesting thing to do in all of England, and it's fake. 

[colecampbell666]

 

[WeatherOp]

Hey, they even have sweet paint-shopped road signs.

[colecampbell666]

Hey, they even have sweet paint-shopped road signs.

That is a crappily done sign. I noticed that as soon as I saw it.

[Fearless Leader]

Nude cliffs?

LMAO!!!
 

I almost fell out of my chair

man, if I were an admin I would make your title "Nude Cliffs"