Alright, first off, the mission played quite well. Overall it was quite fun and interesting, with good story potential. There were no individually great errors, although there were a few things that could have been done to add greater depth. Now, this isnt really my place, as you probably have more Fredding experience than me, but these are the general points.
Note: Played in "War in Heaven", this was unclear from mission name ext.
1: It was kind of unclear what the player was supposed to do, if you could make a directive perhaps saying "Defend docking rings" or designate what targets to defend, that would be nice.
2: Big one that is very easy to do. Add some music. In the events manager, use a SEXP similar to this when enemies arrive. (Change->Music and sounds-> Change-soundtrack) and choose your music from the list. This will help add depth and mood to the mission.
3: Depth of orders: It appears that every ship had only one thing in mind. Friendly forces did little unless directly ordered, (alpha just floated around near the Berlin) and enemies had little interest in defending themselves. Shivan interceptors went after the armoured docking rings as opposed to defending their cruisers, and when the rings were destroyed, the fighters went idle. Perhaps include additional orders at lower priority to make the AI more fluid. (A shivan juggernaunt slowing trying to haul itself away from a colossus without firing is kind of shallow.)
4:Ship placement: The player was a bit far from the docking rings, and Alpha wing flies off in the direction of the Zeus at start, which made my objective confusing. Also, even at missions end, the Aquitane was over 18 clicks from the zeus and did absolutely nothing to help.
5:Balance: The BP fighters are by nature far more powerful than shivan fighters, and I was able to single handedly eliminate all fighters with little trouble, using no help from team. so 2 things A: make it so all friendly ships engage enemies. B: Increase power or numbers of shivans.
6:Technical bugs: Omega and other friendlies not on wingmen list, dont know if thats fixable. Return to base order given when enemies were still present (bind it to cruisers as well as juggernaunt) Also, the objectives list says "the depot may not fall", may should be must. totally picky I know.
In the end though, it was a fun mission with great potential, these were a few points to help capitalize on that potential
As for your objective trouble, try making a mission objective that becomes true when event A (all shivans destoyed) is true, AND event B (percent-destroyed of docking rings =66 [done by objectives-> percent-ships-destroyed, then add data until the 6 rings are in the same event] is false. If the rings are destroyed, it will become impossible to win, so Freespace will automatically fail the objective. Then chain a return to base or mission end event to this for closure.
