[MicroPsycho]

If the situation were reversed and us Canadians wanted to pose as Americans we wouldn't need all this crap and wouldn't have to specially order something from on online store. Hell, we probably already know more about America than some Americans. And, with the exception of the east coast, Canadians don't have an accent, everyone else does.

[Shrike]

Originally posted by Janos
Well that's it, everyone who speaks at least some English is now target of my Personal JihadPod Experience.

Sorry.

The jIhad?

[ionia23]

It's easy to imperosonate an American.

1. Drink about 90 gallons of Budweiser to get that nice, pronounced beer gut.  Sorry, no Guiness for you.

2. Make sure the clothing you wear meets the following "code"
   a.  Your t-shirt was purchased at a rock concert you attended when you were 15 years old.  You are now 36.  It is also perfectly acceptable to wear a shirt you got from trading in your "Marlboro Miles", as long as there's a nice hole for your man-boob to poke out of.
   b. Make sure your shirt is just short enough so that when you lift your arms, said-gut pokes out the bottom of it.  Body hair is essential.
   c. Since you're balding now, what better haircut could you have than a mullet??  
   d. Wear your pants low so you can pretend your waist size is smaller than it really is (preferably with the gut hanging over it
   e. If you are female, make sure to include a half-shirt so your thong is exposed at all times (though it may be mistaken for a bra-strap

3. Replace "National Geographic Presents" with re-runs of Nascar races you've already watched, convinced that Dale Earnhart will 'make it' this time.

4. Ask Canadians thoughtful questions like "Hay!  Ya'll live in Igloos??"

5. Feel 'enlightened' by such well-evolved persons as Fox News' Bill O'Reilly because 'he done spake da truth!'.

6. Take the song "America (**** Yeah)" seriously.

7. Be absolutely convinced that what goes on in the World Wrestling Federation is real.  Remember, hockey is for 'queers n' fah-guts (since there's obviously a difference).

8. Have way more children than you could ever afford.  When they can't eat because you spent your welfare check on (see #1) blame it on "Them thar damb liberals"

9. Ford or Chevy. Ford or Chevy. Decisions..decisions

10.  See the world!  Consider yourself well-travelled now that you've managed to make the 50 foot walk across the border into Nogales, Mexico!  Show off your brilliant foreign language skills!

"DOSE TAY-COS PORE FAVER!!!  COMP-RAY ES-PANG-YOL???"


(note, I have heard #10 for real.  No joke.  Kudos to the first person to translate.)

[Janos]

Originally posted by Shrike
The jIhad?

jiPhod?

[Ghostavo]

Originally posted by ionia23
"DOSE TAY-COS PORE FAVER!!!  COMP-RAY ES-PANG-YOL???"

(note, I have heard #10 for real.  No joke.  Kudos to the first person to translate.)

"Two (or maybe twelve!) tacos please!!! Understand spanish???"

my cookie please

note: I've heard much worse...

[ionia23]

Originally posted by Ghostavo


"Two (or maybe twelve!) tacos please!!! Understand spanish???"

my cookie please

note: I've heard much worse...

When I heard that it took me awhile to figure it out.  This was being said by the biggest Texan i've ever seen in my life.  He was out of his head, it was hysterical.

And it's 'two' Tacos .  Have a box of Bosch Baked Cookies

[Rictor]

Everything I know about Americans I learned from watching King of the Hill, I tell you what.

[Rictor]

Welcome to America, Home of the Whopper.


http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/041206/480/ny83712061735

[aldo_14]

"Sponsored by CBW Medicare! (Cardiac division)"

[.::Tin Can::.]

This whole package is a whicked idea...

[Thrilla]

Originally posted by Rictor
Everything I know about Americans I learned from watching King of the Hill, I tell you what.

Me 2!  Those Texans sure are dumb.

[Rictor]

I'm actually glad that someone is standing up to all this low-fat health food BS. Damnit, we have teeth for a reason. Its getting to the point where you can't even buy anything which isn't low fat or calorie reduced or whatever.

[Ace]

Originally posted by Janos


jiPhod?

The JiPod by Apple. Think fanatic.

[WMCoolmon]

Edit: Wrong thread.

Edit 2: Incidentally, is the commercial for the jiPod the one that has a silhouette with a turban and machetes, doing dance moves on a colored background?

[Thorn]

Originally posted by MicroPsycho
If the situation were reversed and us Canadians wanted to pose as Americans we wouldn't need all this crap and wouldn't have to specially order something from on online store. Hell, we probably already know more about America than some Americans. And, with the exception of the east coast, Canadians don't have an accent, everyone else does.

It's only the Newfies and Cape Bretoners. Mainland Nova Scotians have pretty neutral accents. It's why all we have here for work is ****ing call centers.

[redsniper]

I slightly resent all the Texas bashing. But since I know people that match most of those criteria, I don't have much room to talk. Still, most of us aren't like that (except for the 90 Budweisers part, in which case only a few of us aren't like that).

[Thrilla]

The small towns.  I know I grew up in one.  When I mean small I mean less than 1500 people.  The cities there is no difference.  If I was blind folded and couldn't tell how the landscape was I couldn't tell if I was in Dallas or Houston from being in Newark.

[Flipside]

Do the streetlamps have city motif's on them? That way, you could always examine the shape of the bruises hehehehe