Author Topic: ****ing Batman.  (Read 36365 times)

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Offline WMCoolmon

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Only after I wonder why it's called "Got-ham".


Offline Carl

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"got ham?"

*pic of a famous person smiling and holding a ham with ham on their face*
"Gunnery control, fry that ****er!" - nuclear1


Offline Ford Prefect

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Originally posted by Carl
II'm glad that's not the Joker. The Joker is not goth. Geez, just because Tim Burton is directing doesn't mean everything about the movie has to be like that.

Tim Burton isn't directing these. Tim Burton directed Batman and Batman Returns.

Burton isn't purely dark; he's dark with a good sense of humor. This new Batman movie, however, took itself quite seriously, and pulled it off very well. Thus, I would not expect to see a Jack Nicholson-type Joker in this new movie, but rather a more nightmarish villain who's more disturbing than funny.
"Mais est-ce qu'il ne vient jamais à l'idée de ces gens-là que je peux être 'artificiel' par nature?"  --Maurice Ravel


Offline Ghost

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That photoshop came from the SomethingAwful forums, before they closed it off to lurkers.
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Offline Black Wolf

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So I went to the theatre the other day. Not the movies, understand, the [theatre. Bit fancy I’ll grant you, but I won tickets in a radio contest (Don’t ask me what station, I’ll not tell you because if word ever gets out, well, bang there goes my rep right there). Anyway, I ended up taking a friend of a friend, Melanie, who knew about the show and wanted to go see it – she’s a drama student at one of the other unis in Perth and had a friend in the play, but I guess he’d used up his free ticket allocation or whatever. Besides, when kyle (the afore mentioned friend who is friends with Melanie) told me about her I figured - Drama student, better than average chance that she’ll be better than average looking. Good guess, incidentally, but that’s not really central to my story.

Anyway, we went to the play and it was more or less what you’d expect. I mean… there’s a reason these things were replaced by movies right? But, well, Melanie seemed to be enjoying it, so I just sort of sat there and tried to get interested. Anyway, we were halfway through the second act when, and I**** you not here, the main supporting beam fell out right above the stage and the roof caved in. Christ, I’d never seen anything like it – there were people trapped under the rubble, dust everywhere, nobody had any idea what was going on… when suddenly, everyone just hears this oice “Yes sirt, I would very much like to try your scones!”

Now, granted, that probably reads pretty weird, and it was weird at the time, but as it turned out that was the next line in the play. And the guy who’d spoken it was striding up onto the ruined stage, spouting off the next line as he went “Oh, wonderful! I shall go and get the cream right away! Would you like some tea?” And just like that, boom, everyone was enthralled or something. I dunno, it was the weirdest thing – one minute everyone’s screaming and calling the ambos and running around, and the next… everyone’s back in their seats watching what used to be a full play converted into this weird one man show.

And that was kind of when I noticed it. The guy on stage…Black cape… utility belt… Rubber torso.


“Batman! What the ****!” I yelled “There are people trapped under that ****ing rubble! What the hell are you doing!” But he ignored me. Actually, almost everyone did, except for this guy in front of me, who shushed me. People were dying under tonnes of rubble on stage and I got shushed. I tried a few more times, but in the end I just had to give up and let the show run on. Forty minutes later, final curtain call (though it lacked most of the traditional impact as the curtain had come down with most of the roof) and finally the firies and ambos were let on stage to help the people out.

Final cost was three dead, twelve serious injuries and a whole lot of bruises and scratches in the front rows. The official explanation? Earthquake. Now, I’ll admit I wasn’t the guy holding the seismometer at the time, but I’m a fourth year Geology student, and I’m fairly sure earthquakes are a lot less localized than that. And, while I’m not sure I’ve got enough evidence to accuse a super hero of a triple homicide, I will say it’s mightily suspicious that he understudy for the entire cast just happened to have access to all sorts of dangerous weapons and explosives, and the training required to make something like that look like an accident.

****ing Batman.

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Offline Nuclear1

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:lol: :lol:

Oh God, where did this come from?
Spoon - I stand in awe by your flawless fredding. Truely, never before have I witnessed such magnificant display of beamz.
Axem -  I don't know what I'll do with my life now. Maybe I'll become a Nun, or take up Macrame. But where ever I go... I will remember you!
Axem - Sorry to post again when I said I was leaving for good, but something was nagging me. I don't want to say it in a way that shames the campaign but I think we can all agree it is actually.. incomplete. It is missing... Voice Acting.
Quanto - I for one would love to lend my beautiful singing voice into this wholesome project.
Nuclear1 - I want a duet.
AndrewofDoom - Make it a trio!


Offline Goober5000

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****ing :necro:

Batman kills people? :(


Offline Mefustae

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Batman kills people? :(
No, he just lets people die. There's a difference, y'know.


Offline Ghostavo

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Black Wolf, have you ever considered writting an autobiography?

You could name it, you know, "****ing Batman".
Just a thought.
"Closing the Box" - a campaign in the making :nervous:

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Offline Mongoose

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And here I thought Superman was the dick.

Also, lol necrothreadaged meme and all that.


Offline Janos

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well this was quite a bump indeed
lol wtf


Offline NGTM-1R

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****ing Batman rides again.
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Offline Cobra

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Mother****ing Batman.
To consider the Earth as the only populated world in infinite space is as absurd as to assert that in an entire field of millet, only one grain will grow. - Metrodorus of Chios
I wept. Mysterious forces beyond my ken had reached into my beautiful mission and energized its pilots with inhuman bomb-firing abilities. I could only imagine the GTVA warriors giving a mighty KIAAIIIIIII shout as they worked their triggers, their biceps bulging with sinew after years of Ivan Drago-esque steroid therapy and weight training. - General Battuta


Offline Janos

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lol wtf


Offline brozozo

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God bless Frank Miller.


Offline Colonol Dekker

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I've just read these for the first time today and i ahve to say, Blackwolf you are a bonafide genius.

You should charge £££ for these.

[oliver twist] More please [/oliver twist]


Offline Topgun

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yes, but not smart. buses usually don't handle as well as the batmobile.

CARL!!! you are alive!!!

EDIT: I just saw the post date... It whould seem he is dead after all... :(
« Last Edit: June 13, 2007, 03:39:55 pm by Topgun »


Offline Polpolion

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According to his profile, his last active date was May 2007. But his last post was like July 06. He is alive. Just not posting.