Helm! Ready all beam cannons!
Lock Beam Cannons and fire on my command!
NO, YOU IDIOT! USE THE BIG BEAM CANNON!
Welcome to the HLP Station. Exits are located to the right, left, up, down, and 4th-dimensionally. However all of them are blocked, except the 4-d one, and no one's yet figured how to reach it. In the event of a landing of any kind, you can and will
be used as a flotation device. We are currently suffering from technical disruptions from time to time, which may cause the lights go out at any instance, and sometimes even the basic life support fails for some time. At these times, stay calm and composed; for these cases the station system automatically drops a computer from the roof above you with FSO installed and ready. They have independent power sources. Please keep all appendages within the installation at all times. Do not feed the resident Shivan Carl
as he will become voracious and chew your leg off. You can find him in the ventilation duct. Throw him your lunch and hope he is not hungry and leaves you alone. Flamethrowers can be found under your seat but due to financial constraints have been re-filled with holy water. Phased Plasma rifles (40 watt range of course) can be found in storage lockers. To prevent act of n00b, however, these can only be opened by Moderators, Volition or a hyperintelligent shade of BluE
. Please remember that any attempt to use the ASCII characters 0046h, 0053h, and 0033h in sequential order will result in you being trampled by FreeSpace fan boys. Your trampled remains will be fed to Carl
so that the rest of us don't have to carry around so much food for lunch. If you shall go in the Vasudan section of the station and find a boxes labelled “Headz”, please don’t open them, unless you are a Vasudan. In the event of catastrophic hull failure please board the nearest lifeboat which is pre-programmed for autonomous flight to our sister station the Game-Warden outpost. Thank you and enjoy your stay at Hard Light station as long as you will!