On the whole an okay mission, but not that great, really. There were a lot of common mistakes and errors that made this mission average at best, though it does have the potential to be very good. The mistakes I saw are:
1. The most obvious mistake was that all the ships were on the XZ plane, with no usage of the Y axis. This shouldn't be too hard to fix.
2. There was no music, which made the mission a bit dull.
3. None of my wingmen appeared to have orders, and just went around rampantly attacking.
4. The lack of chatter became evident, making the mission even more dull and slightly boring.
5. It doesn't look like you've even touched the ship and weapons pools. You should either give me the best loadout available to save me the hassle of doing it manually, or remove the ships you don't want me to fly through the missions pool editor.
6. The fighters arriving in one big horde and then being killed off in the first few minutes has several disadvantages. The most severe problem is that if I had the Maxim equipped, I could just cream all the fighters and then pound all the other capital ships without fear of being attacked.
7. You should have given the cargo containers and the transports some internal contents, and they shouldn't be cargo known.
8. The transports and cruisers should have moved around a bit to make the mission more realistic and less monotonous.
9. The lack of background also made the mission more dull.
10. The Return to Base directive appeared prematurely.
11. Why was there no debriefing or briefing?
Fix these problems and it'll make an excellent mission. As it stands now, however, it's not all that hot. A good first try, though.