Well, first of all you should - in my opinion - use a bit stronger seam lines. Remember that the absolute
depth is not saved to the normal map, but rather
change of depth - which means that width of a transition from low to high (or gradient) can mean as much - or more - to the profile of the normal map detail, as the actual apparent height difference between high ground and low ground.
So basically a sharp edge between black and white will translate to as narrow and steep change from low to high, while blurred edges will end up rounded and low-sloped transitions that might look good with organic models, landscapes and stuff like that, but rarely cut it for ship textures. Also, FS2_Open tends to require rather strong normal maps for them to look good (and be worth using). Too subtle, and you might as well not use them and save the performance for something else.
Another thing that I personally have noticed while using a normal map plugin to generate normal maps - working on higher resolution makes a big difference in the end result.
As an example, I resized your texture to 2048^2, applied some filters to make the seam lines a bit stronger and sharper (see above) (Selective Gaussian Blur is awesome), then applied normal map at 9x9, scale 30, applied still some filters to get rid of jpeg artefacts (Selective Gaussian Blur is awesome) which won't be a problem for you since you have the originals, then resized it to 512 and ended up with this:
FS2_Open shader system uses a set-up where it reads the green channel and alpha channel of an image for u/v co-ordinate normals data. Red and blue channels are completely ignored. This is called normal map-style DDS file, and the most common format is dxt5nm since it takes advantage of the awesome dxt5 compression. However you shouldn't be too confused by the -nm suffix in the file type; the file is a normal dxt5 file with some channel management to take care of the normals information being in the correct channels.
When you save into FS2_Open-usable normal map, you have two options. One way is to save the purplish normalmap into dxt5nm compressed file with a DDS plugin, which
does the trick in the sense that FS2_Open should be able to read the file. This file will indeed look like a grayscale (with some transparency) since most dxt5nm saving procedures move the red channel into alpha channel and copy green channel to red and blue channels to make an uniform RGB image. If you're just starting, it might be easiest to just use this method at least while you're getting your normalmapping technique itself sorted out.
However, the other option seems to offer slightly better compression quality in some cases, and that is to:
step 1 - manually copy
red channel to alpha channelstep 2 - manually fill
red and blue channels with black, which reduces the amount of information that the DXT compression needs to store, to some extent.
step 3 - save as
any DDS file that has full alpha channel, but
not dxt5nm since it will just ruin your channel management with it's own and you end up with bad file. Basically, you have two options - if you want a compressed normalmap, use
dxt5 compression; if you want superior quality (and superior memory usage) or the map simply doesn't compress properly (can sometimes happen) - use uncompressed
u8888 DDS file.
The resulting file will look green with some transparency instead of gray with some transparency, since it has black in red and blue, information in green and alpha channels. Don't be troubled with the green-ness. This dickery with channels sometimes makes a difference to how well the image is compressed by the dds utilities - and anyway, it's good practice to just keep the necessary information in the image. At least in my opinion. This file with correctly managed channels looks like this:
You could copy that png file, save it into texturename-normal.dds with dxt5 compression and it would work - although due to remnants of jpg compression it would look rather lumpy and bad most likely, so you shouldn't do this but rather try doing something like this with your source files. This isn't a standard set in stone, though, I would need to test the normalmap with the model in-game to perform adjustments, but I hope you get at least something out of this message.
Oh, and by the way you should invert y normals in your plugin to get correctly aligned normals on vertical axis. The Photoshop normalmap plugin defaults it into wrong direction considering FS2_Open usage (or FS2_Open shaders use a backwards setting, I dunno which option actually is more descriptive). Interestingly, GIMP normalmap plugin produces correctly aligned normal maps right off the bat. In a nutshell, if you have an extrusion (bright) on the height map, cyan should be on it's lower edge. If you have a recession, cyan should be on the upper edge. Most people tend to interpret cyan as the brightest colour in a normal map so it might look a tad weird for a while, but that's just how the shader system is set up to work.