Author Topic: I've got a gun  (Read 65727 times)

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Offline ssmit132

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Re: My English homework - Content added 12/20
Although I'm not sure what to suggest, I do think it's an interesting read. :)

 
Re: My English homework - Content added 12/20
This is high school, right? There are a few assertions in it that I feel need to be backed up, but in high school I don't think it matters too much.

I guess that my biggest criticism is that you don't relate your argument(s) enough to the stories your referencing. You make many of statements, but don't explain how they relate to each story. You could probably fix this by finding the important point of each paragraph, and then in your analysis include examples from the book illustrating your point.

You could also narrow the focus of your thesis. This essay feels like a casual article written for a magazine, which is cool. Still, it could use a formal intoduction. It may feel simplistic, summing upwhat your essay, but it helps the reader. It lets the reader know what your arguments are leading up to, rather than try having to figure it out on the go. It also will help you decide what elements to cut from your essay. Your conclusion was a nice summation of your essay, so just paraphrase it in the intro. Then, go through each paragraph in your essay and decide: does this further my point, or is it a tangeant? I agree with the conclusion you drew from your readings, but your argument could afford to be more precise and to the point.

You could consider the precision with your vocabulary as well. In your description of Animal Farm you use the description of "pinpoint". Perhaps the word "poignant" would be a more accurate description of a piece of fiction. Also, I'm not sure about the word "insure" in paragraph concerning ID. Would "ensure" be a better word? A writer doesn't just write words, he carefully chooses them.

Other than that, it's a good start to a career in writing, assuming that's what you hope to do with yourself. Your writing voice is confident and full of personality. I appreciate the casual feel of your writing. It makes it the essay approachable. I think that as long as you don't get too attached to your style, you'll produce some great essays in the future. :yes:
« Last Edit: December 28, 2010, 01:04:07 am by bobbtmann »

 

Offline Luis Dias

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Re: My English homework - Content added 12/20
It's a good read. Don't know why, it reminded me a little about the huge suicide note left by Mitchell Heisman, (here: http://www.suicidenote.info/ebook/suicide_note.pdf), where he spends some thousand+ pages pondering about such issues.

 
Re: My English homework - Content added 12/20
It's a good read. Don't know why, it reminded me a little about the huge suicide note left by Mitchell Heisman, (here: http://www.suicidenote.info/ebook/suicide_note.pdf), where he spends some thousand+ pages pondering about such issues.

The whole thing is almost 2000 pages, and the table of contents is never ending. Thank goodness I've got a long car ride tomorrow, so I'll have time to read this.

 

Offline Luis Dias

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Re: My English homework - Content added 12/20
I wasn't able to read them all but I resisted to at least the first 1000 pages. It's somewhat repetitive. But also brilliant. He was a very wise young man. (The nihilistic chapter is almost perfect, and somewhat unsettling).

 
Re: ZOMG - Content added 1/7


ZOMG I'M SO HAPPY. First time I put more then half an hour into something.
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 
Re: One last peek - Content added 1/25
Last pre-release of my extremely crappy flash project I'm making for school, as my final on Flash-based design. I've been working on this 40 minutes a day since November, and frankly.... all that time went into a black hole of absolute balls. But I'm gonna shove it in your faces anyways, so that I feel better about myself.

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/021/9/4/cow_thingy_work_in_progress_by_9223titan-d37pdu9.swf

This was uploaded just before I got the code working for the alien to respawn, so... yeah.

Midterms this week, after which I have 400 minutes to add in: opening with the story posted here a page or so back, the main menu, controls screen, credits screen, semi-balanced game, score screen, AND clean up the graphics (the cow and background are unfinished, as it the main menu).
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 
Re: COWS - Content added 2/9
http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/040/9/d/cows_by_9223titan-d395k42.swf

Final version, now with added bugs!!!

Lol, it's ****. But it got me a grade  :p
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 
Re: TF2 Medic fanart - Content added 3/9


I wanted a cool spray for TF2, and so I drew myself as my primary class. Guess what? I play medic. Why? Because MEDIC IS BEAST, and if you think otherwise, try taking a full Blutsauger magazine to the face just like the last scout who tried to rush me.

There's a number of artistic liberties taken with the costume, due to a combination of me not liking certain parts of the medic's outfit, notably the rubber gloves; me not having a reference pic of the medic, notably, I thought he had a shirt on under his open trenchcoat, but I didn't know what it looked like, so I didn't draw one; or me not being able to draw worth a ****, notably, that I couldn't draw his arms in a way that would hold the medigun in the correct position, IE, handle on top, pistol-grip-thing on bottom, so I put a handle on the side instead.

Definitely gonna ink this when I get the time.
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 
Re: TF2 Medic fanart - Content added 3/9
Ha ha! That's good! And very notable.

 
Re: Lusifur the Medic - Content added 3/9


Voila.
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Offline Retsof

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Re: Lusifur the Medic - Content added 3/9
Heh, awesome.  I like the scar.
:::PROUD VASUDAN RIGHTS SUPPORTER:::

"Get off my forum" -General Battuta
I can't help but hear a shotgun cocking with this.

 

Offline Flipside

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Re: Lusifur the Medic - Content added 3/9
Artistically it's very good, though I'll admit to not being a fan of the subject matter, the picture itself is well drawn and coloured.

 
Re: Lusifur the Medic - Content added 3/9
The only this I'm not happy about is the right side of his face (his right). It looked good on paper, I couldn't get it to look right on the picture. I'll probably try to fix it tommorow and will reupload with the results.
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 

Offline Retsof

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Re: Lusifur the Medic - Content added 3/9
I see the difference, his eye bulges out too far in the color one, removing where it indents to define the... jaw?  what would that particular part of the face just below the eye be?
:::PROUD VASUDAN RIGHTS SUPPORTER:::

"Get off my forum" -General Battuta
I can't help but hear a shotgun cocking with this.

 
Re: Lusifur the Medic UPDATED - Content added 3/10
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 

Offline -Sara-

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Re: Lusifur the Medic UPDATED - Content added 3/10
That's plain cute!  :D
Currently playing: real life.

"Paying bills, working, this game called real life is so much fun!" - Said nobody ever.

 
Heheh. I'm still not dead, not that anyone noticed  :D

I'm really excited with this thing I made for game design. Right now I'm working on the character's armature so that he had arms and the gun isn't just floating.

Oh, and the hideous seam on the stock is kind of there on purpose- I figured that's the spot a player is least likely to see.

[attachment deleted by ninja]
Sig nuked! New one coming soon!

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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Solid stuff.


-Sara-

Your sig makes me angry :lol:

 

Offline Hades

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That gun model as a mesh really needs a lot of work and refinement before it can be considered well modeled.  The design itself, eeehh, not a fan.
[22:29] <sigtau> Hello, #hard-light?  I'm trying to tell a girl she looks really good for someone who doesn't exercise.  How do I word that non-offensively?
[22:29] <RangerKarl|AtWork> "you look like a big tasty muffin"
----
<batwota> wouldn’t that mean that it’s prepared to kiss your ass if you flank it :p
<batwota> wow
<batwota> KILL