I'll admit to being a bit disappointed at the reaction to this demo release - even with minor teething troubles there ought to be more support for new FREDers. That first release is a stressful one where something tends to go wrong somewhere - we shouldn't be rolling our eyes at the fact that a new FREDer doesn't get everything perfect first time - be supportive, people!
I enjoyed it. The interface is a nice addition to a mod - would be cool if it was more Shivany, but that would be a little more difficult to pull off. I wasn't quite sure about the loading screen - maybe a bit busy - I couldn't work up the energy to figure out what was going on in it (or maybe it's just too early in the morning...).
The actual mission was fairly straightforward and not too much trouble - which is fine if this is an early mission of the mod, although I did let one of the craft escape because I was too busy having fun with the lovely Shivan ship. I think perhaps for the final mod the first mission should be free from time limits like that and include more dogfighting - just to let the player get the hang of the superior fighter without having to worry too much about getting things done quickly. Also the unknowns at the end felt a bit too easy - I was finishing the last off just as it was suggested I lure them into the corvette's firing range, so that comment fell a bit flat.
I wasn't sure about how serious the mod was supposed to be - my warped sense of humour did find Shivore 2's comments amusing, and the Shivans didn't seem all that concerned about being stranded from the fleet. One mission might not be enough to fully set the tone however.
The music wasn't really to my taste - but that might just be me, I don't know. You probably know your backgrounds could do with some work as well (I sympathise with you here, I always get someone else to do backgrounds for me for ED). This is probably just a practice issue though.
So, looks promising. Keep working on it!