The monkey sells Firestone tires in Glendive, Montana.
The monkey attempts to break the high-body-count record at a local high school in Bridgewater, South Dakota.
The monkey pushes over an outhouse in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
The monkey forces a pilot at gunpoint to perform an impromptu air show during rush hour at a local airport in Des Moines, Iowa.
The monkey starts a 'guns for toys' program at a local community center in Dubuque, Iowa.
The monkey substitutes pork for veal at a bar mitzvah reception in Chicago, Illinois.
The monkey defaces a national monument in Madison, Wisconsin.
The monkey connects a high-voltage power line to a kindergarten playground fence in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
The monkey pirates a television signal and re-airs decades of irritating commercials in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
The monkey connects high-voltage wires to an elevator's door-close button in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
The monkey taunts local police by phoning the station and confessing.
The monkey is now wanted for reckless endangerment in the state of Wisconsin.
The monkey releases a horde of gypsy moths in Burnsville, Minnesota, throwing the local ecosystem into chaos.
The monkey violently attacks an autograph seeker in Faribault, Minnesota.
The monkey constructs a pentagram made of roadkill on the lawn of a local branch of the Church of Scientology in Rochester, Minnesota.
Irrefutable DNA evidence places the monkey at the scene of the crime.
The monkey is now wanted for harassment in the state of Minnesota.
The monkey sneaks into a church confessional, poses as a priest and writes a best-selling book publishing his findings in Rochester, Minnesota.
The monkey gets extra points for committing a crime in a high-risk state.
The monkey empties several drums of used motor oil into a protected creek in La Crosse, Wisconsin.
The monkey gets extra points for committing a crime in a high-risk state.
The monkey replaces the laughing gas with nerve gas at a dentist's office in Lincoln, Nebraska.
The monkey bites a hand that feeds him in St. Louis, Missouri.
The monkey spreads apathy among the electorate in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
The monkey pirates a television signal and re-airs decades of irritating commercials in Red Bank, Tennessee.
The monkey greases the rails at a local bull-riding competition in Red Bank, Tennessee.
Irrefutable DNA evidence places the monkey at the scene of the crime.
The monkey is now wanted for reckless endangerment in the state of Tennessee.
The monkey burns down an orphanage in Memphis, Tennessee.
The monkey gets extra points for committing a crime in a high-risk state.
The monkey has lingered too long in this state.
A heavily armed SWAT contingent bursts into his hideout.
Game Over.
Your final score is 1634, painstakingly earned through 22 flagrant violations of U.S. law.
