Author Topic: B5 Jokes  (Read 4071 times)

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Offline Trivial Psychic

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So, my wife has been watching B5 from beginning to end, and I have come across two instances of in-universe jokes being used on the show, two of which are "Light Bulb" jokes.  That prompted me to come up with a few of my own.  Some are funny, others are perhaps worth a shrug.  I will share them in this thread and hope that others chime in with their own.

How many Minbari does it take to screw in a light bulb?  (Different from Sheridan's)
Answer:  3.  The Minbari do everything in threes.

How many Minbari Religious Cast members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer:  None.  They claim that the bulb is not burn out because it was never on in the first place.  The light was coming in from somewhere else.

How many Dock Workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer:  One to change the light bulb, 4 to hold the ladder as per safety regulations, and 30 to scrounge enough parts to build the replacement bulb since there isn't enough money in the budget to buy a new one.

How many Gaim does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer:  Only one, but it takes the Queens weeks to grow the specific breed of Gaim for the explicit purpose of changing said light bulb.

How many Psi Cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:  None.  They just implant the compulsion into someone else's mind to do it for them.

How many Drazi does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer:  Only one, but it takes the entire Drazi people a whole year of beating the tar out of each other to determine whether the light bulb will be Green or Purple.

Time for someone else to chime in.  Either with one of their own or with a better punchline.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2015, 05:44:32 pm by Trivial Psychic »
The Trivial Psychic Strikes Again!

 

Offline karajorma

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How many Vorlons does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: There is no such thing as "lightbulb". We are all Kosh
Karajorma's Freespace FAQ. It's almost like asking me yourself.

[ Diaspora ] - [ Seeds Of Rebellion ] - [ Mind Games ]

 

Offline BirdofPrey

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What's more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narn?
Spoiler:
One angry Narn with the key.
The Great War ended 30 years ago.
Our elders tell stories of a glorious civilization; of people with myths of humanity everlasting, who hurled themselves into the void of space with no fear.

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Offline headdie

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What's more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narn?
Spoiler:
One angry Narn with the key.
What is more dangerous than the above?
Spoiler:
said room which know a Centari is on the other side

How many Shadows does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer1: 0, but that shadow vessel is about to cut the room in half
Answer2: 1, but they need to mind control the poor sod first
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Offline karajorma

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How many Shadows does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None, living in the dark promotes evolution.
Karajorma's Freespace FAQ. It's almost like asking me yourself.

[ Diaspora ] - [ Seeds Of Rebellion ] - [ Mind Games ]

 

Offline Trivial Psychic

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How many Shadows does it take to screw in a light bulk?
Answer:  Who cares, as long as its a black light.  :pimp:
The Trivial Psychic Strikes Again!

 

Offline FUBAR-BDHR

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How many Centauri does it take to change a light bulb?

No one really knows buy there will be centuries of drinking and telling tales of the glorious task.
No-one ever listens to Zathras. Quite mad, they say. It is good that Zathras does not mind. He's even grown to like it. Oh yes. -Zathras

 

Offline Trivial Psychic

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 :yes:
That one would have also worked for Klingons, but that's another universe.
The Trivial Psychic Strikes Again!

 

Offline Herra Tohtori

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A Shadow, a Vorlon, and Lorien went to Space Bar, and it all got quite out of hand fast. The Space Bar staff had to call in the Space Cops to deal with the inebriated trio.

While they were being hauled to Space Police Station at the back of the Space Police Hauler, they woke up, and each asked a question from the nearest Space Police officer...


Spoiler:
"W̧̯͍̜̣̼͙͉͛ͦ̅ͬͮ̅̎h̷ͥ̐͋̓͢ͅa̝̞ͨ̔͊̄t̵̬̘̘̭ͩ͗̌̆ͧ̒̏ͭ̓ ̵̲͙̺̖ͫͅͅd̡̼̯͇͓͛o̼̅̋̓͋͞ ̵̜̮̫̜͓͍̹̭̓ͪÿ̡̬̗̝̗̩̩̪̯͎́̒̎́̈̐͑̒̔ợ̵̩̜̲̏u̵̟̩̖͔̥̩̰̳̔̃̂̆̃͡ ̵̰̼͎͎͌͛̽̌́̓̃̓͂ŵ̮͚̤̹̈́̓̅̒̋̾̓a̪͕̞̣̰̞̹̪̖ͥ̍ͨ͐͗̉̚n̪͈̳̣̈̀t̵͚̲͉̥͇ͧ̒?̨͕̘ͭ͌́͛͛ͤͦ"

"Who are you?"

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There are three things that last forever: Abort, Retry, Fail - and the greatest of these is Fail.

 

Offline Lorric

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Ehhhhh, this thread's only going to go one way, like all the others. Soon, the other races in the galaxy will be in here trolling and wheeling out the same old "arrogance and stupidity" jokes about the start of the Earth-Minbari War... :rolleyes:

 

Offline Gee1337

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How many Pak'ma'ra does it take to change a light bulb?

It's not possible as the Pak'ma'ra would eat the light bulb.
I do not feel... I think!

 

Offline AdmiralRalwood

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How many members of the Grey Council does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler:
None; they stand between the candle and the star for light.
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schrödinbug (noun) - a bug that manifests itself in running software after a programmer notices that the code should never have worked in the first place.

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"I am one of the best FREDders on Earth" -General Battuta

<Aesaar> literary criticism is vladimir putin

<MageKing17> "There's probably a reason the code is the way it is" is a very dangerous line of thought. :P
<MageKing17> Because the "reason" often turns out to be "nobody noticed it was wrong".
(the very next day)
<MageKing17> this ****ing code did it to me again
<MageKing17> "That doesn't really make sense to me, but I'll assume it was being done for a reason."
<MageKing17> **** ME
<MageKing17> THE REASON IS PEOPLE ARE STUPID
<MageKing17> ESPECIALLY ME

<MageKing17> God damn, I do not understand how this is breaking.
<MageKing17> Everything points to "this should work fine", and yet it's clearly not working.
<MjnMixael> 2 hours later... "God damn, how did this ever work at all?!"
(...)
<MageKing17> so
<MageKing17> more than two hours
<MageKing17> but once again we have reached the inevitable conclusion
<MageKing17> How did this code ever work in the first place!?

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Offline Flipside

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How many Earth Alliance Citizens does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler:
None, that's a job for the Ministry of Lightbulb Changing, failure to comply is punishable by death.

 

Offline Herra Tohtori

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How many Zathras does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler:
Yes, Zathras understand. Everyone always coming to Zathras with problems. Big responsibility but Zathras does not mind. Zathras trained in crisis management.
There are three things that last forever: Abort, Retry, Fail - and the greatest of these is Fail.

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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How many rangers does it take to change a light bulb?


One duh. They're competent individuals.
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Offline Slasher

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Quote
Sheridan:  Knock knock.   :)
Ivanova: Who's there?  :sigh:
Sheridan: Kosh.   :)
Ivanova: ...Kosh who?   :sigh:
Sheridan: Gesundheit.   :)
Ivanova:   :nono:
Sheridan:  :)