Please do not think that any of your problems should hold you back from exercising your talents of creation (anymore).
For example, to build an effigy to your "mess" might not have an audience beyond the one, but you should not stop yourself from it. It will not be grant or momentous, or even complete for that matter, but it will be ... an exercise of sorts.
I don't have the motivation nor the interest for that. The thing is that the act of creation itself has never
had any inherent meaning or joy to me. I was never the kind of person that liked to play with building blocks, sketch/doodle, or do creative excersizes. Whenever I have tried to create, it's always been instead like a chore to me, an act of deflating myself of inspiration, before it overwhelmed me with restlessness. The closest thing to enjoyment I've ever had is the act of being inspired itself, and I would either act on that inspiration to create or let it fizzle away with daydreaming.
I only ever created because of a dream that my creations would in themselves inspire me, and I could one day live off of that in a perpetual cycle forever. My dream is to live in inspiration, not necessarily to create.
Now, inspiration itself is nearly nonexistent in my life. I've tried time and time again to just force myself to write some **** down on paper or play around in a toolkit like FRED, but then I just feel disgusted with myself, because if I end up creating something, it's not even mine, since I don't even care about it. And then I feel pissed because I'm basically giving myself homework for no reason at all.