[diamondgeezer]

I'd send a large company of navy SEALS to find a fez for Petrarch

[Top Gun]

Assuming no radical change to the structure of the state is allowed:
 
-Nationalise key industries (defence contractors, utilities, state education related (exam boards etc.).
-Relax intellectual property laws
-Dismiss Cuban blockade and hand over currently active ultra right wing paramilitary rebel members to them.
-Tax harmonisation across the country (if it's not already the case).
-Full federal control of all schoolboards
-Fire every member of school boards that don't unanimously reject creationism and abstinence propaganda. Plus introduce education informing students of the dangers of damaging heath advice from religious institutions.
-Get rid of the pledge, citizenship lessons, singing to a flag, and all other schemes that promote chauvinistic nationalism.
-Free college/university tuition (as in Europe with no adverse effects on economy).
-Tighten hate laws to allow a reasonable punishment for homophobia, xenophobia (Enough to get Joseph Farah, Ann Coulter and Pat Robertson in the slammer for the forseeable future).
-Allow time for prayer in schools but in a way so that students aren't pressurised one way or another. (Something like a cubicle system)
-More power to trade unions.
-Emphasise freedom from religion rather than freedom of it and allow socialservices to confiscate children of fundamentalist parents who subject childeren to their beliefs.
-Ban circumcision for the under 18s.
-Remove any remaining rights for states to set own laws (one big chauvinistic country is bad enough without 50+ of them). The status quo gives southern states a licence to barbarity. This will include a harmonisation of all criminal law.
-Remove stupidly harsh sentencing for soft drugs (whether they remain illegal or not I'm neutral on).
-Hand over war criminals to the Hague or country's they've perpetrated crimes against.
-Invest government money into more deprived areas.
-Lower drinking age to 18 for anything over 5%, 16 for anything below.
-Ban private election campaign funding.  
-Allow limited mass immigration with full citizenship privileges but disperse them throughout the country so that social problems aren't created in areas where large numbers accumulate.
-Tax hell out of religious institutions who's sole purpose is to make a profit (Church of scientology, 700 club etc.)
-Conscribe all repeat offening juvinile petty criminals instead of putting them in jail where they learn bad habits and become unemployable.
-Tighten dicipline in prisons (the status quo is for more barbaric as a despotic hierarchy develops which subjects its subjects to violence and turns prisons into a training ground for thugs.) whilst being careful to avoid brutalizing  and introduce compulsory valuable education (not the pseudo education that exists in some) courses in maths and english along with another of their choice that leads to qualifications at the end. An idea would also be to not let them out until they complete them.

[01010]

Press the big red button that says "DO NOT PRESS"

Yeah.

[Black Wolf]

I'd cede the entire nation to Australia.

The national benefits for your country would be incredible.

All women would increase in hotness by at least 30%

National IQ would increase by at least 30%

All sports teams would awaken with their skills increased vy about, oh, 30% from the prvious night.

You'd actually learn to spell colour.

[diamondgeezer]

So an englishman goes to his doctor and says 'I want to become an american. Not just an englishman living in America but a genuine red-white-and-blue american.' The doctor sends the guy to a surgeon who has pioneered a risky experimental procedure.

'Well I can make you an american' says the surgeon, 'but in the process I'll have to remove 50% of your brain'. The guy thinks for a moment and agrees.

Waking up after the operation, the guy sees the surgeon standing beside his bed. 'Ah' says the doc 'I'm afraid the procedure went a bit wrong. I accidentally removed 95% of your brain.'

The guy says 'strewth mate!'



ownt

[Bri_Dog]

I still think my idea is the best

[Grey Wolf]

Originally posted by Ace


Politics, bah. But this is a good what-if thread. Following the format of the original poster (though I'd never want to become a 'president' of a country, too much paper work)

-Codified national health care standards for HMOs and a base national health care plan
-Income taxes increase proportionally higher for the top 10% incomes in the US, and are similarly decreased for the bottom 10%. This is at a rate to increase with inflation.
-Increase to the public education budget from preschool to college level.
-Campaign reform to disallow monetary donations. All candidates would be allocated awareness campaign funding from the government at a fixed rate to increase with inflation.
-Driving under the influence of alcohol becomes a felony
-Drinking age is lowered to the age of majority
-Dismiss the trade embargo on Cuba
-Full open border with Canada
-Dismiss the US selective service act
-Disband the Department of Homeland Security
-Cooperate with United Nations for an international antiterrorist group
-International programs in the middle east for middle and upper middle class families
-Withdraw US military support with Israel, except for garrisons comparable with those in a NATO nation
-Increased space program budget for an international Mars mission
-Reform international treaties regarding the use of nuclear devices in space for the purpose of the Mars mission
-Turn low earth orbit operations solely to the private sector while NASA focuses on experimental areospace craft, deep space probes, and deep space manned missions


Okay, the overall point of this seeming mess:
*Strengthen the middle class to be able to be more active in the government.
*Citizens of the US should have all rights entitled therein at the age of majority, period
*As proven by every conflict since Vietnam, the US has a standing army of volunteers who are capable of fighting modern wars. The selective service act is an anachronism
*Terrorism is a threat to civilization and it is from educated men and women, the current approach taken will only breed more, wasteful, violence
*An active space program is necessary for the survival of humanity, everything else is secondary to establishing the long-term capacity to sustain humanity off of its homeworld
*By removing the embrago on Cuba they like China will become capitalist far more quickly. Plus it'll allow for cheap vacations for US citizens like Canadians can already get

OK, ditch my plans for being president. I'm voting for Ace.

[karajorma]

If I were president.

1) I'd tell everyone who killed Kennedy. But I'd do it as a national competition with a prize going to the person who get the closest. That way the people who've wasted half their lives trying to figure it out could win something for it.

2) I would institute a Running Man style program for drunk drivers. Anybody caught on the roads who was twice over the legal limit would be forced to drink until his blood alcohol level was equal to that when he was caught and then drive around an arena filled with other similarly doped up drivers. Anyone who survives gets a prison sentance. Guards would be placed in towers overlooking the spectacle with orders to shoot anyone they felt wasn't driving quickly enough.
 
3) Anyone who injures a pedestrian or driver in another car while drunk driving has to do the same task but with a speed style bomb that goes off if they slow down. Blindfolded

4) Religious fanatics would be forced to live under there own religions rules, laws and punishments in addition to those of the country.  If you're religious you shouldn't be breaking the law anyway so you shouldn't mind signing up to a system where you suffer both punishments if you steal or kill.

5) I would distribute condoms to all 10 years olds with a booklet on making balloon animals thus preserving the innocence of those who don't know they have another use while protecting those who do.

6) People against animal testing in the research of terminal diseases would be denied the use of any drugs the research produced. Got cancer? Here's an asprin.

7) Homeopaths would be given their nutition homepathically i.e one drop of essencial amino acids, proteins and carbohydrates for every litre of water they drink.

8) Psychics would be force to play russian roulette once a year to cut down on the frauds (I predict a 100% reduction).

9) I would begin research into wireheading (the process of using electrical current to stimulate the pleasure centres of the brain). All drug addicts would be able to get the result for free thus ending the war on drugs.

10) Ban all forms of private health care or education. Lets see how long the rich oppose a tax increase once they have to wait 8 hours to see a doctor for minor injuries.

[Bill Hicks] My hat is now in the political ring [/Bill Hicks]

[Stealth]

Originally posted by Knight Templar


Well yeah, I'm only 12. It's the best I could get.

yeah well judging by your avatar in other forums, i'd have thought you'd lost your virginity to a guy, as opposed to a girl.

[Flipside]

Moooooooooooving swiftly on......

Ok, I'd make bloody sure I didn't tell the people what they wanted and who they hated and leave them to make up their own minds

Flipside

Gotta be quick before this thread gets closed.....

[karajorma]

Some more of my manifesto

11) Organic food would be banned and people who buy it forced to take a class explaining why organic food is
a) Not pesticide or herbicide free (in fact it often uses more of both)
b) Not better for the enviroment in any way (in fact worse for it in several ways)
c) Actually increases your chance of contracting food poisoning
d) Practically indistinguishable in taste from food grown using modern agricultural methods.

12) Bully MicroSoft the way it has bullied the rest of the computer industry for the last decade.

[01010]

Making balloon animals out of condoms wouldn't work too well. Pretty damn messy too.

[pasti]

i'll read this when i'll have some spare time.
expect mass bombardment on Bush's international policy

[Woolie Wool]

Originally posted by karajorma
If I were president.

1) I'd tell everyone who killed Kennedy. But I'd do it as a national competition with a prize going to the person who get the closest. That way the people who've wasted half their lives trying to figure it out could win something for it.

2) I would institute a Running Man style program for drunk drivers. Anybody caught on the roads who was twice over the legal limit would be forced to drink until his blood alcohol level was equal to that when he was caught and then drive around an arena filled with other similarly doped up drivers. Anyone who survives gets a prison sentance. Guards would be placed in towers overlooking the spectacle with orders to shoot anyone they felt wasn't driving quickly enough.
 
3) Anyone who injures a pedestrian or driver in another car while drunk driving has to do the same task but with a speed style bomb that goes off if they slow down. Blindfolded

4) Religious fanatics would be forced to live under there own religions rules, laws and punishments in addition to those of the country.  If you're religious you shouldn't be breaking the law anyway so you shouldn't mind signing up to a system where you suffer both punishments if you steal or kill.

5) I would distribute condoms to all 10 years olds with a booklet on making balloon animals thus preserving the innocence of those who don't know they have another use while protecting those who do.

6) People against animal testing in the research of terminal diseases would be denied the use of any drugs the research produced. Got cancer? Here's an asprin.

7) Homeopaths would be given their nutition homepathically i.e one drop of essencial amino acids, proteins and carbohydrates for every litre of water they drink.

8) Psychics would be force to play russian roulette once a year to cut down on the frauds (I predict a 100% reduction).

9) I would begin research into wireheading (the process of using electrical current to stimulate the pleasure centres of the brain). All drug addicts would be able to get the result for free thus ending the war on drugs.

10) Ban all forms of private health care or education. Lets see how long the rich oppose a tax increase once they have to wait 8 hours to see a doctor for minor injuries.

[Bill Hicks] My hat is now in the political ring [/Bill Hicks]

I like those except for #5 and #10.

[Woolie Wool]

Originally posted by karajorma
Some more of my manifesto

11) Organic food would be banned and people who buy it forced to take a class explaining why organic food is
a) Not pesticide or herbicide free (in fact it often uses more of both)
b) Not better for the enviroment in any way (in fact worse for it in several ways)
c) Actually increases your chance of contracting food poisoning
d) Practically indistinguishable in taste from food grown using modern agricultural methods.

12) Bully MicroSoft the way it has bullied the rest of the computer industry for the last decade.

Very good ideas. Time to teach MicroDicks a lesson.:devil:

[karajorma]

Originally posted by 01010
Making balloon animals out of condoms wouldn't work too well. Pretty damn messy too.

Maybe but they make great water balloons. The kids would soon figure that one out.

[pyro-manic]

Right, here goes:

1: -----

Actually, there are too many problems with the whole bloody world to say how to make it all better (America is at least partially responsible for most of them), and I've started typing this four times now, so rather than try and lay out my perfect plan, I'm just gonna say this:

Bastards. F**king arrogant, bigoted, self-obsessed, meddling, gullible, greedy, bloody-minded, pompous, power-hungry, zealous, pathetic bastards. I pity the American people, because they are, quite simply, doomed. They are told every single day that they live in the best, the finest, the most important country on the planet, that they have it better than anyone else, and that their best interests are being protected when yet another country is infiltrated, warped and corrupted to the will of the corporate elite. That theirs is a land of freedom, wealth and good. And yet where is the evidence of this? The stinking rich control everything, and twist it to their own advantage, so that they may line their already-stuffed pockets with yet more money, while the poor and down-trodden masses get even poorer and are stamped into the dirt in return.

It all comes down to one thing - money. Get rid of that, and the world will be a much better, friendlier place. Accomplish that, and we could step off the dark road into oblivion that we started on with Hiroshima and the rise of Capitalism.

I'll leave you with that. I know I'm not very good at writing this kind of thing, but we all know it's the true state of things. Have a think about it.

[IceFire]

I was going to make a nice list there...but then Ace had to come along and steal it all away.  Oh and I guess part of the problem is that I'd be Canadian...and you can't be born in a different country and serve as president.

Ace is suggesting exactly the same things I keep yelling at the TV in hopes that some of the candidates will hear me.  Unfortunately, nobody has that good of a microphone yet and there isn't a two way TV yet...YET...

[phreak]

-execute the RIAA execs on TV. death by 120mm tank shell
-...And Justice for All is the new national anthem.  Its 10 minutes long, and would make for a hell of an opening for a sporting event
-encourage any measure that removes dependence on middle east oil
-really fat people are forced to ride bicycles to generate power
-force the NFL to hold the Superbowl in the northern cities (Green Bay, Chicago, Cleveland, New York).  remember, its not really football unless its 20 below and snowing.
-Prevent stupid coverege of celebrities in general.  I want to see how good of a job im doing on the news
-surprisingly, i'd write more, but woolie took my stuff about welfart and illegals

[Solatar]

Originally posted by PhReAk
-execute the RIAA execs on TV. death by 120mm tank shell
-...And Justice for All is the new national anthem.  Its 10 minutes long, and would make for a hell of an opening for a sporting event
 

yep, especially with ...And Justice for All being the national anthem.