Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Martinus on December 15, 2005, 06:28:26 am
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My sister is hosting christmas dinner this year and we thought we'd make our own crackers, this means that we can fill them with funny jokes instead of the usual type that make you weep out of despair.
Anyhow does anyone know any genuinely good chrimbo jokes, preferably one liners? i.e.
Why did Santa Claus go to jail?
For laying Barbie under the tree...
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Snowballs.
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Some moderator needs to rename this thread.
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Maybe I should show you some of the ones we discarded but I like you too much so I won't put you through that.
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I thought you said "good" christmas jokes...
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I thought you said "good" christmas jokes...
For that jibe I shall expose you to this horror:
What does Rudolph want for christmas?
A Sony Sleighstation 2
I thought this one was particularly apt for you.
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I thought you said "good" christmas jokes...
What does Rudolph want for christmas?
A Sony Sleighstation 2
*Shrivels up and dies*
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Laughing at the crapiness of the jokes won't make the jokes funny, right? :(
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Probably not. :lol:
I think this is a lost cause to be honest. :)
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The train is falling down the cliff.
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Thread renamed. :p
I had to move it to the test forum and back, though, using the move tool. Is there an easier way?
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Newsflash at 6! Goob hates Christmas.
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:wtf:
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What does Rudolph want for christmas?
A Sony Sleighstation 2
*eyes bleed and melt out of sockets*
Could you try google for 'Christmas jokes'? Hopefully you wouldn't end up with a sleigh-load of dirty ones. :) *looks at own joke* ... *Whats left of eyes bleed and melt out of sockets*
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"Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile!"
Edit: And an ironic joke...
Q: "What's black and white and red all over?"
A: "A politically correct Santa Clause"
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Jesus: immaculate conception, or holy ****?
/*oh, come on it's funny*/
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Bah Humbug :p
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You WoW players might like this one;
Make sure Jesus gets a Soulstone, it's a three day corpse run to nazareth.
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For that jibe I shall expose you to this horror:
What does Rudolph want for christmas?
A Sony Sleighstation 2
Rather than give an actual response, here's a rather embarrassing and unnecessary reenactment of my initial reaction. (http://rateofinjury.com/ransom/wuiuah.mp3) I hope it teaches you a lesson to never, ever say anything like that again.
*takes some dried frog pills*
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:lol::lol:
Edit: Some of that stuff is :wtf:. What's this Ebla, though? It sounds pretty sweet. Same for pompeii.
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Ebla and Pompeii are samples from E.S. Posthumus's (http://www.esposthumus.com/) music (warning: right now they have some kind of hideous rap thing on their site). I keep them in there cause they took them down from their site for some reason and occasionally I introduce people to them. Highly recommend their album, Unearthed.
That directory has stuff dumped in it whenever I need to just store something somewhere so it's a bit chaotic as I haven't ever cleaned it out.
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Bah Humbug :p
Hah Bumhug!
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Bah Humbug :p
Hah Bumhug!
*throws tomato
Booooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I'm going to the 'special' hell for this....
Q: If an athelete gets athelete's foot, what does an astronaut get?
A: Missle-toe.
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Newsflash at 6! Goob hates Christmas.
Goob hates us all. :D
For the rest of you... :lol:
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I'm going to the 'special' hell for this....
Yes, yes you are.
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(warning: right now they have some kind of hideous rap thing on their site)
Yarr, that be the NFL on CBS theme. Every. Freaking. Sunday.
Still, Indy Colts = the win.
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Thread renamed. :p
I had to move it to the test forum and back, though, using the move tool. Is there an easier way?
There is, just edit the first post in a thread.
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The train is falling down the cliff.
This thread is a burning trainwreck, falling down a cliff ....while being struck by a meteor.
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This thread is a burning trainwreck, falling down a cliff ....while being struck by a meteor.
Like a meteor shower? That's what an astronaut uses to keep himself clean.
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I thought they were pretty funny.
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I just had a thought. Tell them the story of Christmas (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Christmas)
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Ehm, if anyone can be arsed, I'd like a couple of 'wrong' lyrics for English Language christmass carols.
If too rude to post, I'd be very delighted with PM's.
(My English teacher wants to sing christmass carols in class for the last class of the year. And since he is the master of turning every conversation horribly, horribly wrong, he'll love this.)
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Post them Kasperl, the word filter will sort out the easily offended. :nod:
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Joy to the world, my teacher's dead!
I barbecued her head...
I cut it up and boiled it
And flushed it down the toilet!
Round and round it goes;
I threw in arms and toes;
Joy to the world, my teacher's dead!
:nervous:
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:wtf:
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That would probably get you expelled nowadays. :wtf:
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That would probably get you expelled nowadays. :wtf:
Or lethal injection in California.
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nah, capital punishment, actually. ;)
:wtf: to everyone else's jokes except goober's 'My teacher is dead' joke. :D
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Goober, you brought further stupidity upon that song, which was already bad enough as it was...
Joy to the world, the teacher's dead
We barbecued her head!
But what will we do with the body?
We'll flush it down the potty
Around and round it goes,
Round and round it goes,
We need a second flush, I see her toes!
If you're going to introduce a stupid, oversung, juvenile song, atleast have the decency to get it right. :D
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That just gave me nostalgia like you wouldn't believe. My god, childhood just exploded into my consciousness like some kind of touching flashback scene with piano music.
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Goober, you brought further stupidity upon that song, which was already bad enough as it was...
Joy to the world, the teacher's dead
We barbecued her head!
But what will we do with the body?
We'll flush it down the potty
Around and round it goes,
Round and round it goes,
We need a second flush, I see her toes!
If you're going to introduce a stupid, oversung, juvenile song, atleast have the decency to get it right. :D
...But even you didn't get it right! The true lyrics are as follows:
Joy to the world, the teacher's dead
We barbecued her head
What happend to the body?
We flushed it down the potty
And round and round it goes,
And round and round it goes,
...and the final line can be debated, but the above was the version used on The Simpsons, which was interrupted before it was finished.
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The version I posted was the one I heard all through elementary school. Not only is your version wrong, it has an incorrect rhyming scheme and a meter that doesn't even match the music. :p
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I don't recognise the version Goober posted. Carl's is the one I heard through school. :nervous:
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I never heard of any of them til now.
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I never heard of any of them til now.
Really? Wow. Thats like second grade **** right there. Tho i was never a fan of them.Jesus: immaculate conception, or holy ****?
I actually find that funny..This thread is a burning trainwreck, falling down a cliff ....while being struck by a meteor.
Like a meteor shower? That's what an astronaut uses to keep himself clean.
This thread is a burning trainwreck, falling down a cliff.... while being struck by a meteor(shower) and lots and lots of lightning. [/color]
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Ooh, I got a Christmas joke!!
What do you call anti-aircraft fire in a snowball fight? :D
SnowFlak!
Made it up myself, I did. :)
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The Teacher is dead is a good one. :yes: