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General FreeSpace => FreeSpace Discussion => Topic started by: Marcov on October 09, 2009, 08:07:04 am

Title: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Marcov on October 09, 2009, 08:07:04 am
Self-explanatory; you can post any Freespace 1/2 jokes here  :p

I'll start off:

1. Why does the Colossus have a spiked tail at the back?
So it could slice a smaller capship to two when it rams it.

2. Why do you have to blast away the 5 reactors on Lucy's hull?
So you couldn't get that valuable "SD Lucifer" on your kill list.

3. Why didn't they include the Executor in the Star Wars mod?
Because it is accepted that the Gargant from the Inferno mod is overkill enough to take on 3 of those  ;)
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Dilmah G on October 09, 2009, 08:54:02 am
Teehehehe.  :drevil:

http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php?topic=55683.0

Anyway, drawing on past experiences

- Why were you late for the movies with your girlfriend?

The Shivans tried to blow the Capella star up again, the bastards.

- What's better than sex?

The UD-8 Kayser.

- Why did the GTVA call the Colossus the Colossus?

Because Terminator was taken.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Herra Tohtori on October 09, 2009, 09:04:18 am
What is this Free Space and what is it doing on all of my hard disk drives?!?
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Dilmah G on October 09, 2009, 09:22:00 am
I leave Command to answer some of the harder questions. :P
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: headdie on October 09, 2009, 12:39:59 pm
How many GTVA officers does it take to win a war?

1 named is Alpha 1

the rest are cannon fodder
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Snail on October 09, 2009, 05:15:18 pm
I put all the mod files in my main folder now it's not working

(you most make an update)
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 09, 2009, 06:17:37 pm
Heres a joke for all my fellow NTF sympathisers..


Why did the Zod cross the road?

BECAUSE HE IS INFERIOR AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BASK IN MY PRESENCE !!!!
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Snail on October 09, 2009, 06:27:08 pm
Heres a joke for all my fellow NTF sympathisers..


Why did the Zod cross the road?

BECAUSE HE IS INFERIOR AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BASK IN MY PRESENCE !!!!
It's amazing how people can have such seething hatred for a fictional race of aliens.

Bravo, sir. :yes:
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: peterv on October 09, 2009, 11:02:08 pm
What is this Free Space and what is it doing on all of my hard disk drives?!?

My case is worse: it's in my nightmares  :sigh:
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Akalabeth Angel on October 09, 2009, 11:04:39 pm
ugh, why did I read this thread. There goes 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Blue Lion on October 10, 2009, 12:31:03 am
ugh, why did I read this thread.

Those reasons are classified well beyond your level of clearance, pilot
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: deathfun on October 10, 2009, 12:53:14 am
Why did Kappa Wing get lost in the Nebula?
The GPS told them to go right at the fork in road
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: General Battuta on October 10, 2009, 01:33:36 am
Heres a joke for all my fellow NTF sympathisers..


Why did the Zod cross the road?

BECAUSE HE IS INFERIOR AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BASK IN MY PRESENCE !!!!

This was funny.

For the rest, I weep! WEEP!
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Black Wolf on October 10, 2009, 04:40:52 am
Sadly, he's not technically kneeling, but...

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: stuart133 on October 10, 2009, 03:19:32 pm
What is this Free Space and what is it doing on all of my hard disk drives?!?

My case is worse: it's in my nightmares  :sigh:

Nightmares? This lives on in my dreams.  :D :D :D :D
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Goober5000 on October 10, 2009, 04:30:59 pm
Sadly, he's not technically kneeling, but...
:lol:

Best one so far.  Pity it'll be lost on the next attachment purge...
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 12, 2009, 10:19:05 am
 - Why did the chicken cross the road?

Who gives a $*%!? Go play FreeSpace!
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Topgun on October 12, 2009, 10:40:44 am
I put all the mod files in my main folder now it's not working

(you most make an update)
best one in the whole thread.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: BS403 on October 12, 2009, 03:44:01 pm
Hai Guys My Freespace isn't working, can you fix it? K, Thanx Bai.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 12, 2009, 03:47:02 pm
How many Zods does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
None, My cellar dungeon doesn't have any lights. Just car batteries and cables with zod nipple clamps attached.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: azile0 on October 13, 2009, 12:34:51 am
Chuck Norris didn't disarm four BFREDs with malcompetant wingmates and half a bank of Furies.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 13, 2009, 11:11:38 am
 - What's the difference between FreeSpace and a dead baby?

I don't play on a dead baby for 5 hours.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: stuart133 on October 13, 2009, 01:35:49 pm
- What's the difference between FreeSpace and a dead baby?

I don't play on a dead baby for 5 hours.

Can we not have dead baby jokes. Also that one was worse than most of them so ...

Also Chuck Norris destroyed the entire Santhanas fleet, with no help, on insane.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Mongoose on October 13, 2009, 01:41:42 pm
I think I personally find Chuck Norris jokes more distasteful than dead baby jokes. :p
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 13, 2009, 02:45:00 pm
 - Why didn't Mr. T fight the Lucifer?

'Cause Mr. T pitied the fool!!
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: General Battuta on October 13, 2009, 03:14:27 pm
You wanna hear a joke?

Vasudan rights!

yeah that's right
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Spoon on October 13, 2009, 04:14:46 pm
You wanna hear a joke?

Vasudan rights!

yeah that's right
I have a few ZOD friends that are about to pay you a visit and teach you a lesson about life  :headz:
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Topgun on October 13, 2009, 04:24:55 pm
The Vasudan Panthers?
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 13, 2009, 04:31:00 pm
You wanna hear a joke?

Vasudan rights!

yeah that's right

 
^ That :nod:
 
Also what do you say to a Vasudan with two black eyes?
 
Spoiler:

Nothing, you already told the fish lover twice :lol:
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 14, 2009, 11:13:27 am
 - What do you call a Shivan on Earth?

Nothing, theres no one left to say anything!


If no one has noticed, I'm slowly improving at this....
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 14, 2009, 02:22:47 pm
What do you call the billions of dead Zods after the Lucifer attack?
 
Spoiler:
A good start. . .
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 14, 2009, 09:22:41 pm
 - What do you call Command's vidbox being Black?

Affirmative Action IN SPACE
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Nemesis6 on October 14, 2009, 09:29:22 pm
Ok, so a Shivan walks into a bar and orders two beers. Bartender replies: Take three, why don't ya...

Meh.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: deathfun on October 14, 2009, 09:40:18 pm
*Makes reference to Command Mistakes thread with the "Who wants to be a millionaire references"*

Alright, so this question here is for one million and you still have your "Call a friend" lifeline Bosch.
"The entire GTVA fleet has found you, what do you do?"

Do you
a) Prepare for the final battle
b) Explain the misunderstandings and hope that the GTVA will understand you loved Earth too much
c) RAM INTO THEM! MUAHAHAHA
d) Stick up your middle finger in the HUB display at Alpha 1 as you warp away (again)

"Uh yes, I think I will take that lifeline now"
"Alright, who would you like to call?"
"The Shivans"

*gargle ensues*

*insert whatever better witty comment you have here*

I don't know, couldn't think of anything funny to say


Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: General Battuta on October 14, 2009, 10:10:36 pm
- What do you call Command's vidbox being Black?

Affirmative Action IN SPACE

 :wtf:
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Charismatic on October 15, 2009, 12:24:16 am
I didnt get the affirmative action joke.
And the 'a good start' joke was SO funny but So wrong. Check my siggy. Im a Vasudan Rights Supporter.
They were our good allies.

And whoever had that millionarie joke going... it was great up untill 'the shivans' as you didnt continue it.
Id suggest thinking it over more and finihsing it-- it has great potential!
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: TrashMan on October 15, 2009, 01:02:17 am
I think I personally find Chuck Norris jokes more distasteful than dead baby jokes. :p

Silence Infidel! The Ascended Meme that is Chuck Norris is beyond understanding of your pitifull, mortal, sqishy brain.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 15, 2009, 11:27:14 am
 - Why did Sathanas go to Capella?

To eat fried chicken.


I swear, the more I do, the better they'll get....eventually....
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 15, 2009, 03:17:49 pm
What's yellow, sticky, and fills four and a half bin bags?
 
Spoiler:
don't ask, but you'll thank me when your head doesn't end up in a cardboard box. . . He had it coming, they ALL have it coming, . . . . .  . . .
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: deathfun on October 15, 2009, 07:27:42 pm

Alright, so this question here is for one million and you still have your "Call a friend" lifeline Bosch.
"The entire GTVA fleet has found you, what do you do?"

Do you
a) Prepare for the final battle
b) Explain the misunderstandings and hope that the GTVA will understand you loved Earth too much
c) RAM INTO THEM! MUAHAHAHA
d) Stick up your middle finger in the HUB display at Alpha 1 as you warp away (again)

"Uh yes, I think I will take that lifeline now"
"Alright, who would you like to call?"
"Ah yes, I would like to call Bob on the Cain cruiser next to us."
"Alright you have 60 seconds"

*conversation ensues*

I need ideas for some odd conversation
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 15, 2009, 08:40:21 pm

Alright, so this question here is for one million and you still have your "Call a friend" lifeline Bosch.
"The entire GTVA fleet has found you, what do you do?"

Do you
a) Prepare for the final battle
b) Explain the misunderstandings and hope that the GTVA will understand you loved Earth too much
c) RAM INTO THEM! MUAHAHAHA
d) Stick up your middle finger in the HUB display at Alpha 1 as you warp away (again)

"Uh yes, I think I will take that lifeline now"
"Alright, who would you like to call?"
"Ah yes, I would like to call Bob on the Cain cruiser next to us."
"Alright you have 60 seconds"

*conversation ensues*

I need ideas for some odd conversation

ur starting to kill ur own joke....but i'll throw something out there...
Bob: hey Aken
Bosch: hey Bob. alright...(reads question and four choices)
Bob: Do you have anyone with you?
Bosch: I guess the Shivans, they are my allies.
Bob: Then you prepare for the final battle.
Bosch: I don't know about that. This conflict is supposed to be indefinite.
Bob: good point! in that case go wit---

Host: ooh, your time ran out, whats ur choice?
Bosch: uhm... *fires BFRed at audience*


Thats really bad, but, HEY, its something
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Asteroth on October 15, 2009, 09:11:17 pm
When nerds try to make jokes, everybody is pays the price.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: deathfun on October 15, 2009, 09:24:11 pm
I was never known as funny

I kill jokes instead.

Someone salvage what's left of my crap and claim it as their own
I had the intention of having a Shivan named Bob by the way, but that doesn't matter now.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: General Battuta on October 15, 2009, 09:29:21 pm
Carl the Shivan covets your lunch!
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Androgeos Exeunt on October 15, 2009, 10:33:16 pm
Carl the Shivan covets your lunch!

Carl the Shivan likes the fire extinguishers on Riviera. :p
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Fenrir on October 16, 2009, 12:00:31 am
You wanna hear a joke?

Vasudan rights!

yeah that's right
I have a few ZOD friends that are about to pay you a visit and teach you a lesson about life  :headz:
Where did they get the name "Zods" anyway?
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Dilmah G on October 16, 2009, 03:24:53 am
You wanna hear a joke?

Vasudan rights!

yeah that's right
Jeez, some species-equality won't kill you. :P
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 16, 2009, 03:30:37 am
Fourteen years of bloody relentless war. . . How long did both shivan incursions last in total? Some people never forget the true enemy.
:p
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Spoon on October 16, 2009, 06:03:53 am
You wanna hear a joke?

Vasudan rights!

yeah that's right
I have a few ZOD friends that are about to pay you a visit and teach you a lesson about life  :headz:
Where did they get the name "Zods" anyway?
No clue honestly, I just started using it after playing the shrouding the light campaign.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: TrashMan on October 16, 2009, 06:38:29 am
Why did the shivans leave?

Spoiler:
They heard Chuck Norris was coming.



Why did the shivan beam Vasuda Prime?

Spoiler:
They like their vasudans well done.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Androgeos Exeunt on October 16, 2009, 07:18:30 am
U.R.A. - The letters stand for Universal Rollform Alliance. Their flagship is designated Moron 1.
Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: kaloonzu on October 16, 2009, 11:33:51 am
 - A Zod walks into a bar and sees two Terrans playing poker. He immediately notices one player cheating. He walks over and eats the cheating poker player. Why did he do that?







He was acting "fishy!"





Title: Re: Freespace Jokes :D
Post by: Colonol Dekker on October 16, 2009, 07:06:16 pm
Some good effort went itto that lol. Good effort joke.