Hard Light Productions Forums

Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 07:06:57 pm

Title: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 07:06:57 pm
I suck at making friends. The first friend I have made all semester, is a guy in my physics class. He seems cool on the surface... until he added me on facebook.

His ideology is such that we can probably never comfortably be friends.

Does anyone else suck this hard?
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mongoose on April 05, 2010, 07:08:39 pm
I'm diametrically opposed to the majority of my online friends from an ideological standpoint, but we still get along just fine.  Maybe the issue's on your end.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 07:10:01 pm
Well, yeah. I tend to blurt out things, many of which are terribly offensive to people who don't share my ideals. Therefore, people with very different ideals are not good people for me to try to befriend. And I accidentally did this. So. I suck.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mongoose on April 05, 2010, 07:15:09 pm
...oh.  I see what you mean, then.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 07:16:11 pm
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: bobbtmann on April 05, 2010, 07:22:25 pm
Maybe you could work on your delivery?
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 07:31:40 pm
Or not say that to a Seventh Day Adventist..
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: watsisname on April 05, 2010, 07:39:19 pm
Eh.  If people are offended by your random blurts, I think part of the blame goes to them, too.  Or you can try to keep away from topics that are prone to that, or try to keep to people who share your ideals, like you said.  I dunno, people are difficult and confusing creatures.  :ick:
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 07:41:23 pm
I need a How2. :[
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: watsisname on April 05, 2010, 07:54:50 pm
1:  Find the most high-class social gathering possible, and show up pretending you were invited.
2:  Make lengthy arguments in favor of communism and how Hitler was the greatest thing to happen since sliced bread.
3:  ????
4:  Profit!
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: StarSlayer on April 05, 2010, 07:57:09 pm
Piece of advice, useful for making friends and even more important when you get into the professional world where an improper comment gets you in deep do do.  Unless you know who your talking to is kosher with political/religious discussions, avoid the subject.  Quite frankly religion and politics are prickly subject matter.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: NGTM-1R on April 05, 2010, 07:57:57 pm
If all else fails, wear a mask and be a different person for different people. (I'd argue this is a survival skill for the work world.)  You can always keep being a liberal elitest asshole along with us, we like that sort of thing. :P
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 08:08:39 pm
What else is there to talk about? Weather? Sports?

Ugh, I'd rather not talk to people if we're not going to talk about something worthwhile.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: IceFire on April 05, 2010, 08:09:42 pm
I think I know people like iamzack.  Either you need to get a job as a critic for movies, books, whatever, where your outspokeness will be looked at with distant understanding or you're going to have to learn to put a cork on it and figure out when it is and isn't appropriate to say something.

Given the crap I've had to endure for the last 4 months... me giving that advise is saying something.  Because right now I'd love to blurt out some of the thoughts going through my head.  But that would be unprofessional.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 08:11:01 pm
McDonald's is good practice maybe. I'm not allowed t say anything when the customer starts spouting racist bull**** at my coworkers, or calls me a retard.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: IceFire on April 05, 2010, 08:23:17 pm
McDonald's is good practice maybe. I'm not allowed t say anything when the customer starts spouting racist bull**** at my coworkers, or calls me a retard.
There are lines... that would be one of them in my book.  Racism and personal insults are not acceptable.  If I were receiving anything like that where I'm at right now... then I would definitely open my mouth.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Deka1184 on April 05, 2010, 08:44:21 pm
I hope for your sake that you never have to go to court.  :)

They ripped me a new asshole.  :)
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mongoose on April 05, 2010, 08:51:08 pm
What else is there to talk about? Weather? Sports?

Ugh, I'd rather not talk to people if we're not going to talk about something worthwhile.
Not every conversation you have can be about some deep, world-affecting issue, nor is every topic under the sun appropriate for every social situation.  If you never want to do anything but discuss srs bzns topics, most people are generally going to see you as being boring, and not much fun to be around.  If you find someone in class you think is interesting, why not start off by sticking to talking about why the professor sucks, or a good movie you've seen recently?  Save the heavier stuff for the people you know who generally share your views, or who have differing views but are open to having a civil discussion about them.  One of the main reasons why my online group of friends has managed to remain close for so long is because we generally steer clear of potentially-divisive topics, or else treat them in a more lighthearted matter.  That way, we avoid coming into conflict over petty ideological differences.  (Hell, we once had a two-hour conversation that consisted of nothing but replacing random words in movie/TV/song titles with the word "ass."  It was glorious.)

The bottom line here is that most people see their personal political and religious views (particularly, I think, the latter) as being major factors in their fundamental definition of themselves as human beings.  You may disagree with that sentiment yourself, but it doesn't change the fact that it generally holds true.  When you flat-out insult or disparage these views, it's akin to personally insulting that person's own worth, which produces a predictably-negative reaction.  I think that the occasional lack of recognition of this by all of us has been the main contributor to the flare-ups that GenDisc has experienced over the years.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Nuclear1 on April 05, 2010, 09:30:30 pm
Just talk about something that isn't politics.  You know, cars, baseball, fart jokes--every American enjoys it.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 09:34:00 pm
:<

Trying to think of things I could talk to an acquaintance about. Small-talk. Perhaps I am too serious.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Thaeris on April 05, 2010, 09:45:02 pm
Perhaps not blatently trying to be offensive / practicing humility in general?

Subtle acts of kindness such as this are tremendously helpful for any variety of relationships.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Scotty on April 05, 2010, 09:48:49 pm
I had this tendency until about four months ago, if to a lesser degree.  Couldn't tell you what changed, I just have friends now.  Pretty abrupt shift, actually.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 09:51:08 pm
I make lots of friends when I drink.

Okay, I found the answer.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Blue Lion on April 05, 2010, 09:51:43 pm
I have never really had this problem, I'm not sure what advice to give :wtf:
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Blue Lion on April 05, 2010, 09:52:01 pm
I make lots of friends when I drink.

Okay, I found the answer.

Stop hanging with people who demand you drink a lot?
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Thaeris on April 05, 2010, 09:55:18 pm
Indeed. Hold yourself to a higher standard as well. Maintaining positive self esteem will promote better, healthier life choices, and should hopefully make you more appealing to be around.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Qent on April 05, 2010, 09:58:00 pm
I think my philosophy prof put it nicely when he said that friendship is about moments like when you're just hanging out in your dorm, making inane comments about reality TV shows, and laughing at each other's inane comments. Not about philosophical discussions you have or even having common interests, but just enjoying being together.

Does anyone else suck this hard?
Possibly I do. :D But that stuff above wasn't my words, so it's still good. :P
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 10:01:51 pm
Why do all the nice, neutral topics have to be so boring?
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: NeoKnight on April 05, 2010, 10:03:16 pm
Well, yeah. I tend to blurt out things, many of which are terribly offensive to people who don't share my ideals.


I'm not sure if you realize the full seriousness of this. You've said many things in GenDisc that have very deeply offended me, mostly because you don't seem to have any respect whatsoever for anything.* And some of those things are morals or ideologies that I hold Sacrosanct in my beliefs. You certainly have a right to your own opinion, I'm not trying to deny that, but if you want to have more friends then I'd recommend moderating the ways in which you express those opinions.

*Please forgive me if I'm wrong, but this is certainly my impression.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 10:06:10 pm
This thread is such a terrible idea. Somebody lock it, quick.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Qent on April 05, 2010, 10:20:09 pm
I thought it was a great idea. :(
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Blue Lion on April 05, 2010, 10:21:22 pm
Some people may have stumbled onto something?
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Whitelight on April 05, 2010, 10:21:49 pm
The best idea..... Treat people the way you would best like to be treated.
I was always told to be myself, but if I did I wouldn`t post. strange indeed..
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: NGTM-1R on April 05, 2010, 10:23:57 pm
This thread is such a terrible idea. Somebody lock it, quick.

It's all fun and games until your core beliefs are challenged? :P
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 05, 2010, 10:25:03 pm
No, I started saying things that Turambar would get really mad at me for if he saw them.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Deka1184 on April 05, 2010, 10:28:17 pm
Does anyone else suck this hard?

Must.... not.... take.... out.... of.... context!!!!  :nervous:
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: IceFire on April 05, 2010, 11:26:47 pm
This thread is such a terrible idea. Somebody lock it, quick.
MMmm it seems to be serving a therapeutic purpose at the moment. It should stay open for the time being :)
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: MP-Ryan on April 05, 2010, 11:45:32 pm
I'm going to give you some advice that runs contrary to what most people are saying:

Don't apologize for being passionate about your beliefs and who you are.

HOWEVER:

As a rule, political and religious discussions do not belong at work unless you are an elected politician or theologian =)  I know this better than most as a federal government employee; there are opinions you simply do NOT express at work, period.  If that means shutting up instead of allowing your core beliefs to be challenged to the point where you must say something, then shut up.

That said, it is perfectly fine to have opinions and, contrary to what the modern student body of most universities seems to think, it is even OK to express opinions that offend people.  But, at the end of the day, be sure that you're actually saying what you mean, and you are comfortable with the consequences - and pick your friends accordingly.  I have a lot of very good friends that have totally different opinions than I do (one of them told me during the last federal election in Canada that people who voted for the party she knew I voted for were not allowed in her home :P), but we express those opinions in a way that ensures we're still going to be friends at the end of the discussion, regardless of what is actually said.

It's fine to have strong beliefs and it's fine to express those (depending on the company), just apply a filter to make sure you do it in a respectful manner.  Often it's not what you say that offends people; it's how you say it.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Deka1184 on April 05, 2010, 11:49:29 pm
Another thing; Make sure, if you are shuffling round a touchy topic, that you are VERY SPECIFIC with your TERMS and IMPLICATIONS. Don't leave anything to chance. Clarify all your implications.

I learned a hard lesson at SectorGame several years back about this.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mars on April 06, 2010, 02:51:22 am
I am a socialist and an agnostic. One of my best friend is a Libertarian Lutheran and the other is nihilist (and they used to go out).

Just because someone thinks differently doesn't mean that you can't get along.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: headdie on April 06, 2010, 03:02:02 am
my last workplace was great for getting into a good debate, we were in this massive office with only a few ppl in it after a round of redundancy and there was this one guy who was anchored solid in christian beliefs and was always up for a good debate about it, then there was me and another guy andy in the office, I'm not sure about his exact beliefs but I consider myself agnostic/atheist (i kind of flip between the two) and the three of us would just set to in a frank (and at times loud) discussion when we were bored with me and andy pulling christianity appart and this other guy defending it, but it is a rare thing to have that opportunity as regularly as that for a free and frank discussion at work on stuff like religion.   Believe it or not i have a massive amount of respect for the christian guy for his ability to stand by his faith through that and enjoy the discussion.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: TESLA on April 06, 2010, 07:54:25 am
It can work.

I have some friends who have complete different ideologies and beliefs to me.


Just find common ground. Can make it interesting though after a few pints in the pub. lol.


And sure if we were all the same, the world would be a very boring place!
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mongoose on April 06, 2010, 01:13:09 pm
And sure if we were all the same, the world would be a very boring place!
Seriously.  A world full of mes would drive each of us collectively insane. :p
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Flipside on April 06, 2010, 01:18:47 pm
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*

Sounds more like he's the one with the issues if he's going to try to read anything into that. Here in the UK we had comedy programs joking about stapling kids to crosses over Easter...
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mika on April 06, 2010, 03:02:05 pm
I think this is where the age of the persons involved make a huge difference. Formerly between years 8-15, it was horrible. It was like the environment was trying to mold me into something I couldn't be. I never bent to peer pressure and kept my head - and got picked up a lot. The older I become, the easier everything seems to become and people will more readily accept that there are different personalities and opinions and think there is nothing wrong with that. When I got to move out and started studies in the University, it was like I was given a fresh start and it was during that time when I noted that I can actually be social and make friends relatively easily.

Chinese training buddies (kung fu) told me they find it some times difficult to talk with me as some of my favorite topics were really deep. It was the first time ever anyone has told me so, but I suspect a lot of people have found, find and will find me boring because of that. It is a bit shame though, as that's not the whole story. Just to mention, I still see the friends I got when I was 7 years old - and it's great! The occasions where I lose a friend are exceedingly rare.

My current understanding is that my personality tends to hide its true capabilities for a reason or the other. I can be quite funny, but only with a couple of people at  the time - I note that lots of my time goes into observing the other people and seeing what they think about something. If there is more people around, I feel like I'm acting to be something else and the flow feeling is missing from the fun, it feels more forced. This is somewhat a problem when I meet people from other countries in Europe. I'm not the one for small talk unless the topic is interesting, but luckily people from other countries tend to note this - though they initially tend to think that I'm somehow distant or quiet.

And then when the talk goes to hobbies no-one ever believes me any more. "You can't possibly have done so much!" Or my personal favorite (wish I had a penny...) "You are crazy!"

I'm not sure if this will help, but there are other people like you around. So greetings from the Swampland!
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Rick James on April 06, 2010, 03:09:02 pm
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*

Sounds more like he's the one with the issues if he's going to try to read anything into that. Here in the UK we had comedy programs joking about stapling kids to crosses over Easter...

^ What Flipside said. I'm a Lutheran Christian, and I have friends who are Russian Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Baptist, Moravian, and Methodist. We get along just fine. Honestly, he sounds like most other physics students I know: serious to a fault, conservative to the extreme, and humorless (not to generalize).
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mika on April 06, 2010, 03:19:07 pm
Quote
^ What Flipside said. I'm a Lutheran Christian, and I have friends who are Russian Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Baptist, Moravian, and Methodist. We get along just fine. Honestly, he sounds like most other physics students I know: serious to a fault, conservative to the extreme, and humorless (not to generalize).

Well, what do you know I'm a Physicist!

As I said before, what you see might not be everything there is.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: TESLA on April 06, 2010, 04:04:25 pm
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*

Sounds more like he's the one with the issues if he's going to try to read anything into that. Here in the UK we had comedy programs joking about stapling kids to crosses over Easter...

Well thats only because stapling kids to the Star of David would just be too awkard
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Snail on April 06, 2010, 04:37:31 pm
And sure if we were all the same, the world would be a very boring place!
Seriously.  A world full of mes would drive each of us collectively insane. :p
I tend to realize that I'm the kind of person I ****ing loathe.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Nuclear1 on April 06, 2010, 04:47:15 pm
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*

Sounds more like he's the one with the issues if he's going to try to read anything into that. Here in the UK we had comedy programs joking about stapling kids to crosses over Easter...

Well thats only because stapling kids to the Star of David would just be too awkard

Besides it doesn't make any sense :p
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: General Battuta on April 06, 2010, 04:52:20 pm
I'd kind of like a world full of mes. If about half were female it'd be a pretty good time.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: General Battuta on April 06, 2010, 04:52:50 pm
Battuta, you charming rogue!
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 06, 2010, 04:53:59 pm
If the world were full of mes, it would be simultaneous war and orgies, all the time.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Nuclear1 on April 06, 2010, 04:56:44 pm
Battuta, you charming rogue!

I see what you did there, knock it off :p
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mongoose on April 06, 2010, 04:57:40 pm
I tend to realize that I'm the kind of person I ****ing loathe.
I wouldn't go that far myself, but if everyone was like me, we'd all stand in the corners of the room awkwardly and never talk to each other.  It'd be boring as hell. :p
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: TESLA on April 06, 2010, 05:02:19 pm
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*

Sounds more like he's the one with the issues if he's going to try to read anything into that. Here in the UK we had comedy programs joking about stapling kids to crosses over Easter...

Well thats only because stapling kids to the Star of David would just be too awkard

Besides it doesn't make any sense :p


I think you wil find it does

http://kspark.kaist.ac.kr/Jesus/Gospel%20Comparison_files/Star%20of%20David.jpg
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Snail on April 06, 2010, 05:07:52 pm
Battuta, you charming rogue!
YOU FACETIOUS BASTARD
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Thaeris on April 06, 2010, 06:54:51 pm
Battuta, you charming rogue!
YOU FACETIOUS BASTARD

F*CKING BATTMAN!!!

It's nothing personal - that's just really amusing...

 :p
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: S-99 on April 06, 2010, 07:18:42 pm
I suck at making friends. The first friend I have made all semester, is a guy in my physics class. He seems cool on the surface... until he added me on facebook.

His ideology is such that we can probably never comfortably be friends.

Does anyone else suck this hard?
This isn't about you sucking at all or the problem being on your end. This person you tried to make friends with chose not be to your friend. Simple as that. People do this to me all the time too, but more on that in a second.
Well, yeah. I tend to blurt out things, many of which are terribly offensive to people who don't share my ideals. Therefore, people with very different ideals are not good people for me to try to befriend. And I accidentally did this. So. I suck.
So i'm sure you realize that the vast populace of the world are stupid, if this wasn't the biggest showing of it to you then idk what is.

You tend to blurt out things, i do too, it's not a bad thing at all. You're either semi or fully bluntly honest. Either is not bad because it shows you don't have too much of a problem with honesty, you don't hold back, you speak your mind, and this counts at many times when people need to hear it.

Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT! It's their own lack of intelligence that makes them think that they can't be friends with someone of opposing ideals.

Also this bluntness of yours plays into another fact that is definitely true of myself, and maybe for you too. Nobody likes the stuff you say ever. Nobody likes the things i tell them, but that's the simple fact of yet again THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!

The example behind this is that i have many friends that changed into acquaintances because they kept coming up to me asking for advice on stuff (of course i figure they were never my friend in the first place). Or they ask me something else, or i tell them how think a situation is for them or something like that. One of my friends turned retarded acquaintance asked me for some advice on their drinking problem since they've come to ammends that they are an alcoholic. I told her she should probably stop drinking. She just went ape **** immediately claiming how she has a right to drink and me constantly telling her that she doesn't because she's under 21. Why do people react like this? Quite simply because of the fact that they didn't like hearing what you had to say (this also means further idiotism on there part for not being able to analyze their lives).

Today in society we have people thinking that the things they like to hear is good for them, while the things they don't like to hear is bad for them (this is of course idiot logic, and of course is followed by those who can't self help). So the girl with the drinking problem follows this idiot logic, and thus made her unreceptive to an extreme for exploring elaborations on the answer i gave her. People don't like to push through their heads the idea that the things they like to hear isn't always good for them, and the things they don't like to hear isn't always bad for them.

Giving advice is just an example of things a person says that others never like to hear despite it is what they asked for. Of course there's other situations where someone could simply ask for an opposing view point on something, opinion, etc. that yields the same result.

I wouldn't change yourself iamzack, i feel that'd be a big lowering of stature for you. You'll get friends that appreciate you later. In the mean time you know that you can in fact be friends with people of opposing view points, you can handle the hard honest blunt truth from others (in fact it's probably what you desire to hear from others, people comforting others with a lie to sidestep an issue entirely is not cool). For now conclude that your campus has a general sucky audience for finding friends, but don't stop looking of course, everyone eventually finds something or has at least learned a lot along the way.
"Do you have any plans for Easter?"
"All manner of ungodly things."
*lack of laughter*
*awkward silence*
This isn't hard to get. Easter is a time of godliness when jesus came back from the dead. "All manner of ungodly things" happening on easter is funny because of the obvious contrast to easter itself. Meanwhile the person that heard your punt of humor has gone overboard and is probably thinking you're a pagan, practice witchcraft, or their too devout/zealotous of a christian to realize that even god has a sense of humor (it doesn't matter if they got offended or not they took it the wrong way because the humor wasn't obvious enough for them...woohoo for people who don't think about jokes, jokes are more than just in one ear out the other humor). Idk if this was meant to be a punt at humor with the easter contrast, but yeah obviously in one ear and out the other for the idiot who heard it :nod:
What else is there to talk about? Weather? Sports?

Ugh, I'd rather not talk to people if we're not going to talk about something worthwhile.
I'm the same way. It's also my opinion that talking about the weather and the sports is a really ****ty half ass attempt at trying to break the ice with people. Is it so hard for people to try to break the ice with someone by talking about what either you or the other person likes to do or something else?

Don't change, and at least the physics guy gave it to you hard up straight answer style (maybe not in person, but a true answer nonetheless). Just keep being you, do what you want to do by listening to your conscience, and be a good person.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 06, 2010, 07:25:18 pm
You have it backwards sorta. I haven't talked to this guy since Monday night, so I don't know what he thinks about all this. He will probably still be cool in class and talk to me and stuff, but it's not going to be, like, an actual friendship because I'm too antagonistic to maintain a friendship with someone like him.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: S-99 on April 06, 2010, 07:28:02 pm
Ok, so he sounds like nothing more than an acquaintance so far, but yet to be still be determined.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Scotty on April 06, 2010, 07:29:39 pm
I've found that it helps to consciously try to not be antagonistic.  Sure, it takes a lot of effort, but it really pays off if you can pull it off for a week or so, when being slightly more blunt doesn't hurt the relationship as much as it would earlier on.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 06, 2010, 07:33:56 pm
I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: BloodEagle on April 06, 2010, 07:36:33 pm
I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

I snorted.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Thaeris on April 06, 2010, 07:38:00 pm
In that case Zack, do you want to be friends with this person?

...I will note that in some instances you'll just be seemingly incompatible with people - this can be for whatever reason: you just can't mesh with that personality.

If that's not the case, is it worth changing some of your behaviors to accommodate that person? Forcing yourself to change for another might be a poor choice in certain instances, but being a good friend also calls for the ability to work with and understand others. Converse and discuss your differences - "fate willing," you might even become closer friends that way and if nothing else, learn something.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Scotty on April 06, 2010, 07:40:01 pm
I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

Emerald and Ruby?  Nice.  Didn't work out too badly, did it?
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 06, 2010, 07:43:00 pm
I'm not sure I care very much about being friends with this guy. It's nice to know (due to the "True Love Waits" facebook group) that he wasn't just talking to me because he wants in my pants (yes, I'm that narcissistic).

Ruby seems much cooler to maybe befriend. Except for the whole got pregnant in high school, had the baby, lives with the baby-daddy now thing. XP I'm too young to be friends with people who have children.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: General Battuta on April 06, 2010, 07:46:18 pm
I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

Emerald and Ruby?  Nice.  Didn't work out too badly, did it?

GET MARRIED AND CHANGE YOUR LAST NAME TO WEAPON
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: BloodEagle on April 06, 2010, 07:51:20 pm
I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

Emerald and Ruby?  Nice.  Didn't work out too badly, did it?

GET MARRIED AND CHANGE YOUR LAST NAME TO WEAPON

DO IT DO IT NOW!  :lol:
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 06, 2010, 07:53:02 pm
:< b-but..
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Mongoose on April 06, 2010, 08:11:54 pm
So i'm sure you realize that the vast populace of the world are stupid, if this wasn't the biggest showing of it to you then idk what is.

You tend to blurt out things, i do too, it's not a bad thing at all. You're either semi or fully bluntly honest. Either is not bad because it shows you don't have too much of a problem with honesty, you don't hold back, you speak your mind, and this counts at many times when people need to hear it.

Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT! It's their own lack of intelligence that makes them think that they can't be friends with someone of opposing ideals.

Also this bluntness of yours plays into another fact that is definitely true of myself, and maybe for you too. Nobody likes the stuff you say ever. Nobody likes the things i tell them, but that's the simple fact of yet again THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!
Hoo boy, S-99, I can't wait until you release your version of "How to Make Friends and Influence People"!  I'll buy the very first copy, yes sirree!
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: übermetroid on April 06, 2010, 08:21:37 pm
If all else fails, wear a mask and be a different person for different people. (I'd argue this is a survival skill for the work world.)  You can always keep being a liberal elitest asshole along with us, we like that sort of thing. :P

The survival skill is a good point.  You need to be able to communicate with others in the real world.  Better start learning how to now.

I make it a point to never talk about myself and just ask them questions on how / who / what / when / why.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Qent on April 06, 2010, 08:40:01 pm
Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!
This doesn't sound too nice to iamzack now. :blah:

But I think it cuts both ways. There are some things that should not offend you, and people's religions and ideologies are among those. On the other hand, there are some things that you should be careful about because they might offend other people, and that also includes their religions and ideologies.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: MR_T3D on April 06, 2010, 09:29:43 pm
sounds not unlike myself and a neighbour I have here in residence.
pity, but I merely was friendly to everyone until I found people I get along great with, and now I have great friends.
PROTIPS (FOR REAL): If your faculty has events, GO TO THEM, if there are people with similar schedules to you, hang with them because you sort of know them.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: S-99 on April 07, 2010, 01:41:51 am
Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!
This doesn't sound too nice to iamzack now. :blah:

But I think it cuts both ways. There are some things that should not offend you, and people's religions and ideologies are among those. On the other hand, there are some things that you should be careful about because they might offend other people, and that also includes their religions and ideologies.
Taking things out of context, if all you read out of my mega post was just the bolded idiot parts. Then you didn't get why the other person is an idiot in that scenario you quoted from me if it's not self conclusive enough.

People don't have similar ideals all the time, for the other person to think that they can't be your friend simply because of this is their own lack of intelligence that makes them think so.

There's people i disagree with all of the time, do i stop being their friend because they have different ideals than me. Definitely not, unless their ideal is pro-nambla.

Instead of dumb people stopping being friends with people of different ideals they don't agree with, how about staying friends and exploring why they feel that way.

Now as opposed to thinking of bluntness being part of iamzack's problem. I'm saying it's not. In my example of people not liking very many of the things come out my mouth with the girl who asked for advice about how to handle her drinking problem. It was simple enough, she got blown away by the fact of my extremely simple answer and was dissatisfied with it. A recovered alcoholic would have told the girl in my example the same thing, just probably not so in a nutshell with my delivery. She'd still have the same dissatisfaction towards the answer.

It's as simple as this Qent, people don't like to be sold on stuff they don't like to hear. To contrast this, there's enough bad deals going on in every single country where people get conned out of something for nothing because they kept being sold on stuff they liked to hear. Do dumb people who ask advice from a wise person go ape **** over the simple solution they got told? Yes, because they didn't ask a question being receptive to an answer, and secondly it was something they didn't want to hear (this second part really makes people unreceptive). Instead they want to hear of a solution they like, but hardly does this ever happen. And no, i'm not referring to myself as a wise man.

This is why i feel bluntness is not iamzacks problem with finding friends. She just needs to find real people to be friends with.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Androgeos Exeunt on April 07, 2010, 02:01:05 am
Does anyone else suck this hard?

Me, perhaps, but only because I don't consider everyone I meet in person or online as a friend. I only consider someone to be a friend for a very good reason. As of now, only six people in the whole world are considered a friend to me.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: TrashMan on April 07, 2010, 02:46:08 am
I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

 :wtf: :wtf: :wtf:

Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: TrashMan on April 07, 2010, 02:57:14 am
There is a very thin line separating bluntness for rudeness.

I'm a very blunt person myself, but moderation and self-control are a must in any civilized society.
If I ever unintentionally insult someone, I go out of my way to make it clear it wasn't intentional or that there was a misunderstanding.

I have a few good friends and many aquantances, but I can't think of a single person (that I know of directly) that I alianated with my stances. Social contact, like anything else, requires constant mantainance.

F'course, it doesn't help much that this advice comes from someone most people would describe as an anti-social introvert :p
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: S-99 on April 07, 2010, 05:08:29 am
On average people see bluntness with being rude, but that's not how it always is. Of course i do moderate myself as the way you do yourself.

I alienated a lof of the people on my campus because they don't like the things i say and because i try to be an upstanding individual. The dude who went to the party next door the night before and tells me how he purposefully didn't get drunk, but got this girl super drunk so he could get her in bed, is going to hear what i really think for sure (a lot of people i alienate because they're scum). Somebody wanting help is going to be getting my best answer and action (sometimes these people get alienated because they couldn't handle a mind numbingly simple answer, in which case they didn't really want help, i guess they shouldn't have asked a question).

I have alienated many people that i thought were friends simply because of the fact ****ups don't like to hang out with somebody who's not a ****up unless you do stuff for them. The university i went to had a really crappy student body.
F'course, it doesn't help much that this advice comes from someone most people would describe as an anti-social introvert :p
You can learn a lot from observing.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Qent on April 07, 2010, 09:20:16 pm
Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!
This doesn't sound too nice to iamzack now. :blah:

But I think it cuts both ways. There are some things that should not offend you, and people's religions and ideologies are among those. On the other hand, there are some things that you should be careful about because they might offend other people, and that also includes their religions and ideologies.
Taking things out of context, if all you read out of my mega post was just the bolded idiot parts. Then you didn't get why the other person is an idiot in that scenario you quoted from me if it's not self conclusive enough.
Of course I read your whole post. I just quoted that part to note the irony. "This isn't nice to iamzack" was not an argument for anything.

The only problem I had with your assessment is that you seemed to be hugely understating the responsibilities of the blurter and laying them all on the blurtee. However, in the specific example you gave about your acquaintance asking for your advice, she should have been open to a blunt response because she asked for your advice. So of course being blunt isn't always rude. In that second example, you were also justified in being blunt, since it was pretty obvious someone was getting hurt, and possibly raped. But in normal conversation, when your advice is not requested, it's usually better to hold back. Agree to disagree and let them be different without saying anything to challenge them directly. Judging from your last post, you don't really believe that it's okay to say just anything either.

I'm not saying to be dishonest, but it's important to think about how your words will be interpreted. You can challenge someone's religion (just for example) with the intention of having a worthwhile discussion, but under most circumstances, they won't hear that you want a real discussion. Instead they just hear that you don't like them because of their religion. So you should at least try to know how someone else will interpret your words (which apparently I'm no good at :P ).
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Klaustrophobia on April 07, 2010, 11:37:20 pm
something about "all manner of ungodly things" suggested to me this wasn't searching for a discussion on religion.  knowing zach's posting history doesn't do that case any favors either.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Qent on April 07, 2010, 11:56:35 pm
I just figured religion is a good example of something that people should be careful about bringing up in conversation.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Flipside on April 08, 2010, 12:52:57 am
Hah, read about every third thread in this Forum, and it'll be chocablock with things people should be careful about bringing up in conversation, usually accompanied by a statement of absolute authority in the area and frequently a derisory comment about those who believe otherwise...
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: iamzack on April 08, 2010, 07:02:13 am
EVERYONE BUT ME IS A DICKHEAD.
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: Qent on April 08, 2010, 07:24:57 am
EVERYONE BUT ME IS A DICKHEAD.
I'm sorry, but I'm an expert in dickheadedness, and you're wrong, because you're an idiot, because you're wrong. :P
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: headdie on April 08, 2010, 07:38:48 am
EVERYONE BUT ME IS A DICKHEAD.

i beg to differ

EVERYONE IS A DICKHEAD.  :warp:
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: BloodEagle on April 08, 2010, 08:27:14 am
EVERYONE BUT ME IS A DICKHEAD.

i beg to differ

EVERYONE IS A DICKHEAD.  :warp:


*looks at quoted person's user-name*  :nervous:
Title: Re: Suckage Party!
Post by: karajorma on April 08, 2010, 08:40:39 am
Okay, I think this has gone on long enough.