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Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 01:59:00 pm

Title: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 01:59:00 pm
Well, I have always wondered why I'm supposed to take flowers to a woman, in my eyes, it has always been a cold murder of a plant's offspring for no good reason at all. Killing plants to eat them, now that's an understandable reason  ;)
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: SpardaSon21 on May 21, 2013, 02:04:04 pm
Women like to have flowers around, most likely because they look nice and smell pretty.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 02:08:44 pm
Yes, but in actuality, it is more like looking into a corpse - or a terminal patient. With the difference that flowers just happen to smell nice.

Though, this all supposing that I don't buy a potted plant, which tends to be a sort of no-no.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Dragon on May 21, 2013, 02:10:46 pm
Not to mention you don't have to kill them. A flower can survive for quite a bit without it's roots, provided it's properly cared for. Or, if you're not going for a bouquet (or have access to a wicker basket), you can always use a potted plant.
Though, this all supposing that I don't buy a potted plant, which tends to be a sort of no-no.
Put several flowers into a single pot, then put the whole thing into a well-fitting wicker basket. If you do it right, the result can be much better (though somewhat less classy, but on the other hand, more original) than a traditional bouquet.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 02:17:16 pm
Well, I have always wondered why I'm supposed to take flowers to a woman, in my eyes, it has always been a cold murder of a plant's offspring for no good reason at all. Killing plants to eat them, now that's an understandable reason  ;)

you're actually tearing off the plant's reproductive organs and displaying them as a trophy
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 02:18:54 pm
Yes, I don't have to kill them, but they tend to die nevertheless in this process. While flower can survive without its roots, there is going to be a lack of necessary minerals to keep it alive long term unless the care keeper is really, and I mean REALLY good. Hence the comment on terminal patient, taking a flower without its roots is pretty much equivalent to having a terminal patient in your living room. It's alive, but there's no turning back and I have inferred in the natural life cycle of a plant, possibly killing it before it could reach any kind of maturity without any sort of reason.

For some reason, women don't prefer potted plants on the dates - when given a chance, I prefer to take them to gardens, there the plants are at least alive and tend to remain so.

I'm a born romantic, aren't I?  ;)

EDIT:
Quote
you're actually tearing off the plant's reproductive organs and displaying them as a trophy

EDIT^2:
Actually, it is part reproductive organ, and partially required for photosynthesis, without it, the plant will die as well. So it's not only a reproductive organ.
Haha! Never thought it that way, but that's usually true as well!
Let me try to put that in more understandable terms: the root is not sufficient for sustained plant life, leaves are the key for the photosynthesis and that is a required condition for sustained plant life. So it is not only a reproductive organ that you are decorating your living room with.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 21, 2013, 02:20:24 pm
Fake flowers ftw.

I don't understand why they're not the norm with how good and realistic they are these days. They stay pretty, they can be whatever you want them to be, and they're cheap. They also require zero maintenence and won't spill soil or water if dropped. They'll save you a lot of money as well on replacements.

And it's nice that I now see some comments about not having to kill them. I left it out as I don't want Dead Is The Beast 2.0, but yes, that's my top reason. Keeping flowers so you can watch them slowly dying seems perverse to me.

Pot plants, go right ahead. Get as many pot plants as you want. Then you can watch the cycle of life and rebirth in all it's glory, not decay and death.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 02:26:31 pm
EDIT:
Quote
you're actually tearing off the plant's reproductive organs and displaying them as a trophy

EDIT^2:
Actually, it is part reproductive organ, and partially required for photosynthesis, without it, the plant will die as well. So it's not only a reproductive organ.
Haha! Never thought it that way, but that's usually true as well!

most flowering plants that i know of have plenty of leaves that you wouldn't bother cutting off to get the flowers
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Suongadon on May 21, 2013, 02:31:42 pm
You're putting far too much thought into this in all of the wrong ways. Flowers = nice. Consider how the colors will go with your tie/shirt/eyes while you are holding them. That is all.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 02:33:33 pm
wait are you seriously meant to colour-coördinate flowers with yourself
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 21, 2013, 02:36:09 pm
You're putting far too much thought into this in all of the wrong ways. Flowers = nice. Consider how the colors will go with your tie/shirt/eyes while you are holding them. That is all.

We (men) don't really wear pretty-flower colours though. I've never heard of matching flowers up with clothing or eyes before.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Suongadon on May 21, 2013, 02:38:19 pm
Uhm. Yes? 

And even if not yes, if you're going to over think it, might as well over think in a useful direction. Terminal patient metaphors and flowers-as-castration-trophies are not useful directions.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 21, 2013, 02:40:58 pm
Useful direction = fake flowers  :D
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: NGTM-1R on May 21, 2013, 02:46:17 pm
Consider how the colors will go with your tie/shirt/eyes while you are holding them.

If you consider this at all, you should probably consider it in relation to the person who's going to have the flowers longest.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 21, 2013, 02:48:18 pm
A quick google yielded a couple of interesting articles on fake flowers:

http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/374943/Fake-flowers-are-making-a-comeback

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jan/12/cemetery-ban-for-fake-flowers

Fake flowers at the grave is an interesting topic.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 02:49:04 pm
Quote
We (men) don't really wear pretty-flower colours though. I've never heard of matching flowers up with clothing or eyes before.

I suppose he was just hinting on improving your odds in the process of getting laid.

What? I call 'em as I see 'em! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzHBKANVInY)

That video really should also include physicists.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 21, 2013, 02:54:04 pm
Quote
We (men) don't really wear pretty-flower colours though. I've never heard of matching flowers up with clothing or eyes before.

I suppose he was just hinting on improving your odds in the process of getting laid.

What? I call 'em as I see 'em! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzHBKANVInY)

That video really should also include physicists.

I think Suongadon is a she. The profile says so anyway.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Suongadon on May 21, 2013, 02:54:41 pm
Consider how the colors will go with your tie/shirt/eyes while you are holding them.

If you consider this at all, you should probably consider it in relation to the person who's going to have the flowers longest.

:wtf: Now, I love me some impossible dating standards like all members of the Great and Most Holy Gynocracy must, but how are you supposed to match flowers to someone's clothes when you don't know what they are wearing?

also: KFC-> flowers. How and why?
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: SpardaSon21 on May 21, 2013, 02:54:57 pm
We should probably listen to Suongadon's opinions about women and flowers because Suongadon happens to be a woman and would therefore happen to know more about that subject than us. :P
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: An4ximandros on May 21, 2013, 02:56:29 pm
 How about a painting? :D
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 02:57:41 pm
Quote
I think Suongadon is a she. The profile says so anyway.

Ah, that's good to know, but this fact doesn't change my interpretation of HER message. Consider it just a missing 's' in that sentence  :D

EDIT:
Not to mention that my language is gender neutral to begin with.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 03:10:55 pm
Consider how the colors will go with your tie/shirt/eyes while you are holding them.

If you consider this at all, you should probably consider it in relation to the person who's going to have the flowers longest.

:wtf: Now, I love me some impossible dating standards like all members of the Great and Most Holy Gynocracy must, but how are you supposed to match flowers to someone's clothes when you don't know what they are wearing?

also: KFC-> flowers. How and why?

uh you just said eyes were an appropriate candidate for matching as well (ofc. depending on where you live this may reduce your options to 'dead flowers')

and now that i think of it your other options are basically blue flowers and, uh, leaves (maybe roses if you're dating certain albinos)
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Scourge of Ages on May 21, 2013, 03:11:36 pm
I've never seen a fake flower or plant that can compare to a real one. The real thing always, always feels and smells better.

I thought they were given as gifts just because they look and smell nice. Sure, they're technically dying, but while they're alive they just look and smell nice. I do prefer living, potted plants though.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Suongadon on May 21, 2013, 03:15:29 pm
uh you just said eyes were an appropriate candidate for matching as well (ofc. depending on where you live this may reduce your options to 'dead flowers')

and now that i think of it your other options are basically blue flowers and, uh, leaves (maybe roses if you're dating certain albinos)

Or an alcoholic.  :D


Ok. Eyes are a bad matching candidate then.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 04:04:14 pm
Maybe it is so that I was subjected to higher than normal levels of testosterone in the womb (check it out yourself what that does), or possibly it is the last remaining spec of the alpha male stuff that's in there, but I really don't see flowers = nice. I basically have to rip off several flowers and their offspring from the ground, mutilate them with a knife and then the result is somehow nice. No, I just can't see myself being nice when doing that, or asking somebody to do that for me (that is to say, buy a bouquet from a shop).

Moreover it maybe just me, but I can't escape the feeling that this thought has actually crossed several other men before, and then it becomes even more weird: for me the flower is then a necessary device to improve the odds of getting laid (but it is not the defining factor though). I would sort of understand all this better if I were asked to bring the head of her enemy, or his whatever possessions, but maiming or killing a flower does indeed puzzle me. Is it for showing that I'm sensitive, but that's sort of weird because bringing it in the first place shows that I'm not really - and for two different reasons. If it is to prove any kind of evolutionary prowess, the flower doesn't offer much of a challenge.

I would much prefer to take women to a garden where the good smell is even more profound, and there's more of those flowers to begin with.

Maybe they should add some kind of sticker warning to the thread suggesting that you'll never look the flowers the same after reading this?

EDIT:

The geniousness of this dawned to me unnaturally slowly:
Quote
uh you just said eyes were an appropriate candidate for matching as well (ofc. depending on where you live this may reduce your options to 'dead flowers')

and now that i think of it your other options are basically blue flowers and, uh, leaves (maybe roses if you're dating certain albinos)

A round of applause, this is a perfect logical conclusion, not to mention, surprisingly funny!  :lol:
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: NGTM-1R on May 21, 2013, 04:14:35 pm
Now, I love me some impossible dating standards like all members of the Great and Most Holy Gynocracy must, but how are you supposed to match flowers to someone's clothes when you don't know what they are wearing?

Hopefully you've seen them earlier in the day and/or know what colors they like to wear. Failing that, eyes.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: bobbtmann on May 21, 2013, 04:22:44 pm
A bouquet of flowers are amemento mori. Watching them slowly fade reminds the recipient that she'll someday die, and she should have sex now while she still can.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 05:01:49 pm
Now, I love me some impossible dating standards like all members of the Great and Most Holy Gynocracy must, but how are you supposed to match flowers to someone's clothes when you don't know what they are wearing?

Hopefully you've seen them earlier in the day and/or know what colors they like to wear. Failing that, eyes.

is it not customary to 'dress up' before dates etc., also we have been over the reasons eyes are an unacceptable target for colour matching

FURTHER COMPLICATIONS: what if flower recipient is wearing black/green/colour out of space so you can't get matching flowers, what if there is a flower shortage and you can't get the right colour, what if recipient is wearing some sort of colour-changing fabric, what if certain colours become illegal during date
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Suongadon on May 21, 2013, 05:07:32 pm
Now, I love me some impossible dating standards like all members of the Great and Most Holy Gynocracy must, but how are you supposed to match flowers to someone's clothes when you don't know what they are wearing?

Hopefully you've seen them earlier in the day and/or know what colors they like to wear. Failing that, eyes.

Ok. So it all works out and you pick matching colors and now I have a bouquet of flowers in a vase on my table that went perfectly with my shoes. Whenever I see them, I'll be thinking of how beautiful my shoes are, rather than you. When they go with what you were wearing, then I'll think of you when I see them, so, more dates.

*shoes/dress/eyes/whatever, I don't think there's a difference here.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: MP-Ryan on May 21, 2013, 05:09:34 pm
How many of the "I don't like to buy real flowers / fake flowers are better / buying flowers to watch them die is weird" can say 3 or more of the following apply to them:

a) Married.
b) In a serious, long-term relationship.
c) Have purchased flowers for a woman they are romantically involved with
d) Have any desire whatsoever to make the woman described in a, b, or c particularly happy and impressed with them for at least a few seconds.

Yeah, that's what I thought.




Forget the BS arguments.  Buy her the damn flowers (if she likes flowers).  Plant a seed somewhere to make up for it.  You'll thank me for it in the long run.  Trust me when I say:  no matter how good things are going with a woman, if she's into flowers then buying her flowers will universally improve on the situation.

I buy my wife flowers for no particular reason (which for her is better than if I had a specific reason) once every 8 to 18 months, and she loves it.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: NGTM-1R on May 21, 2013, 05:12:05 pm
When they go with what you were wearing, then I'll think of you when I see them, so, more dates.

Or you could actually be impressed with how thoughtful I was, so more dates, but I suppose that's asking a bit much.

...at least of anyone who's not Alessia. (You do realize you're talking to one of the members of the board who's actually married, right?)
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 05:15:59 pm
depending on the circumstances she might take legal actions to prevent your covert surveillance of her colour preferences
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 21, 2013, 05:39:47 pm
Plant, I shall smite you, and present your heads to my lady.

When they go with what you were wearing, then I'll think of you when I see them, so, more dates.

Strange associations to me.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 06:30:57 pm
ok seriously can we lay it off with the vulcan wannabe 'i don't understand symbolic gestures they're so stupid we should really just indicate affection with little numbered cards' ****
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mika on May 21, 2013, 06:47:13 pm
How many of the "I don't like to buy real flowers / fake flowers are better / buying flowers to watch them die is weird" can say 3 or more of the following apply to them:

a) Married.
b) In a serious, long-term relationship.
c) Have purchased flowers for a woman they are romantically involved with
d) Have any desire whatsoever to make the woman described in a, b, or c particularly happy and impressed with them for at least a few seconds.

Yeah, that's what I thought.




Forget the BS arguments.  Buy her the damn flowers (if she likes flowers).  Plant a seed somewhere to make up for it.  You'll thank me for it in the long run.  Trust me when I say:  no matter how good things are going with a woman, if she's into flowers then buying her flowers will universally improve on the situation.

I buy my wife flowers for no particular reason (which for her is better than if I had a specific reason) once every 8 to 18 months, and she loves it.

That's the thing. I just don't do stuff for no apparent reason. If I started being more impulsive, god knows where I'd end up. I do recall hearing that most of the stuff I talk about goes too deep from a girlfriend of a certain friend in China, and it's not the only time I've heard it, so that probably is true. What is also true is that my mind is built like it. I cannot help it. I tend to see this whole thing as a social game where relationships between people are established. And I really don't like to be a pawn if I'm also supposed to be in a relationship.

I think I have explained the process of getting the flowers and what I see of them for a one woman after giving her one. You can guess the results  :D

The only flower I have here on my house is a rose and I got that as a graduation present from relatives. It's made of steel. I find it somehow fitting.

EDIT:
Quote
ok seriously can we lay it off with the vulcan wannabe 'i don't understand symbolic gestures they're so stupid we should really just indicate affection with little numbered cards' ****

Actually, that sounds like a great idea! :D Symbolic gestures are just that, symbolic and everyone will see them differently. You saw what it symbolizes to me if I give a bouquet of flowers to someone.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Nuke on May 21, 2013, 07:14:54 pm
i took a lesson from my cats, and give women rodent and bird heads.

if the girl thinks thats awesome, i found the right girl.

in my experience getting laid is more about being in the right place at the right time with the wrong woman.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: deathfun on May 21, 2013, 08:13:54 pm
Flowers will never come close to a bottle of wine
Get women wine. Women love wine
Afterall...
You can't spell wine without "win"
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Mongoose on May 21, 2013, 08:15:03 pm
Wine sucks, though. :p
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Black Wolf on May 21, 2013, 08:32:19 pm
How many of the "I don't like to buy real flowers / fake flowers are better / buying flowers to watch them die is weird" can say 3 or more of the following apply to them:

a) Married.
b) In a serious, long-term relationship.
c) Have purchased flowers for a woman they are romantically involved with
d) Have any desire whatsoever to make the woman described in a, b, or c particularly happy and impressed with them for at least a few seconds.

Yeah, that's what I thought.




Forget the BS arguments.  Buy her the damn flowers (if she likes flowers).  Plant a seed somewhere to make up for it.  You'll thank me for it in the long run.  Trust me when I say:  no matter how good things are going with a woman, if she's into flowers then buying her flowers will universally improve on the situation.

I buy my wife flowers for no particular reason (which for her is better than if I had a specific reason) once every 8 to 18 months, and she loves it.

This. Plus, WRT fake flowers, I've been specifically told to avoid them as they collect dust something crazy and represent work over the long run. Plus they get boring. Plus they don't smell nice.

Ultimately, as the gift giver, what you think of the flowers custom is utterly, utterly irrelevant. It's also not an "Alpha male" thing (WTF? Seriously?) or anything like that. If the girl likes flowers, give her bloody flowers. If she doesn't, then don't. Simple.

[EDIT]Wine is only a good idea, if both you and she like it and you can drink it then and there. Otherwise, back to flowers.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 21, 2013, 08:34:04 pm
by this point i've learnt to dismiss anyone who doesn't write 'alpha male' in quotes or tildes as a total idiot
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Suongadon on May 21, 2013, 09:07:56 pm
When they go with what you were wearing, then I'll think of you when I see them, so, more dates.

Or you could actually be impressed with how thoughtful I was, so more dates, but I suppose that's asking a bit much.

...at least of anyone who's not Alessia. (You do realize you're talking to one of the members of the board who's actually married, right?)

I didn't, but I don't see that it matters - not any more than 'I-haz-vagina', so basically, not at all at this point. And in just about every circumstance I can come up with where I'd be expecting//desiring flowers-with-date, I'd be creeped the **** out if date-person deliberately brought me flowers to match my anything. Unless they went with the contents of the lil' white box subtly concealed behind the flowers.

Flowers will never come close to a bottle of wine
Get women wine. Women love wine
Afterall...
You can't spell wine without "win"

Flowers >> Wine. Sorry, I love me some wine, but it's not a date-gift.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: deathfun on May 21, 2013, 10:14:22 pm
I didn't say it was a date-gift

That and if you don't find it fitting, then sobeit. Most of the girls I know fall more in line with what I said, but that's because we all work in the restaurant business

We ain't got time for flowers

Sidenote: I dislike gifts you purchase from stores. For people I care about in such a fashion, I make the effort of creating rather than picking something up from the store. If I ever bring someone flowers (a big if, I'm not really someone people date), I'll make damned sure that I grew the damned things myself
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Nuke on May 21, 2013, 11:06:12 pm
i think it would be really romatic to take a girl deer hunting as a date. she can like wear a camo mini-skirt. for a gift you could like rip out a deer heart and give it to her while its still beating. that would be awesome romantic.

also nobody would do anything stupid because both of you would be armed.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Kopachris on May 22, 2013, 12:17:59 am
Anyone mention the fact that flowers are basically plants' genitals?

"Hey, I saw this flower and it reminded me of you, because it's basically genitals."
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Shivan Hunter on May 22, 2013, 12:21:50 am
hold that thought while I find my Blindsight pdf

[EDIT] damn, the whole passage wasn't actually about flowers as I'd thought, but it's still semi-sort of-relevant about romantic gestures and hilarious

Quote from: Peter Watts
     I had my own style, of course. I tried to be charming in my own peculiar way. Once, after one too many fights about honesty and emotional manipulation, I'd started to think maybe a touch of whimsy might smooth things over. I had come to suspect that Chelsea just didn't understand sexual politics. Sure she'd edited brains for a living, but maybe she'd just memorized all that circuitry without giving any thought to how it had arisen in the first place, to the ultimate rules of natural selection that had shaped it. Maybe she honestly didn't know that we were evolutionary enemies, that all relationships were doomed to failure. If I could slip that insight into her head— if I could charm my way past her defenses— maybe we'd be able to hold things together. So I thought about it, and I came up with the perfect way to raise her awareness. I wrote her a bedtime story, a disarming blend of humor and affection, and I called it

The Book of Oogenesis

In the beginning were the gametes. And though there was sex, lo, there was no gender, and life was in balance.
     And God said, "Let there be Sperm": and some seeds did shrivel in size and grow cheap to make, and they did flood the market.
     And God said, "Let there be Eggs": and other seeds were afflicted by a plague of Sperm. And yea, few of them bore fruit, for Sperm brought no food for the zygote, and only the largest Eggs could make up the shortfall. And these grew yet larger in the fullness of time.
     And God put the Eggs into a womb, and said, "Wait here: for thy bulk has made thee unwieldy, and Sperm must seek thee out in thy chambers. Henceforth shalt thou be fertilized internally." And it was so.
     And God said to the gametes, "The fruit of thy fusion may abide in any place and take any shape. It may breathe air or water or the sulphurous muck of hydrothermal vents. But do not forget my one commandment unto you, which has not changed from the beginning of time: spread thy genes."
     And thus did Sperm and Egg go into the world. And Sperm said, "I am cheap and plentiful, and if sowed abundantly I will surely fulfill God's plan. I shall forever seek out new mates and then abandon them when they are with child, for there are many wombs and little time."
     But Egg said, "Lo, the burden of procreation weighs heavily upon me. I must carry flesh that is but half mine, gestate and feed it even when it leaves my chamber" (for by now many of Egg's bodies were warm of blood, and furry besides). "I can have but few children, and must devote myself to those, and protect them at every turn. And I will make Sperm help me, for he got me into this. And though he doth struggle at my side, I shall not let him stray, nor lie with my competitors."
     And Sperm liked this not.
     And God smiled, for Its commandment had put Sperm and Egg at war with each other, even unto the day they made themselves obsolete.


     I brought her flowers one dusky Tuesday evening when the light was perfect. I pointed out the irony of that romantic old tradition — the severed genitalia of another species, offered as a precopulatory bribe—and then I recited my story just as we were about to ****.
     To this day, I still don't know what went wrong.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Scourge of Ages on May 22, 2013, 12:23:56 am
Anyone mention the fact that flowers are basically plants' genitals?

"Hey, I saw this flower and it reminded me of you, because it's basically genitals."

Yes, someone did. Not quite so eloquently, but yeah.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 22, 2013, 03:48:47 am
This thread really is spectacularly bad, in the most boring and predictable way.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: karajorma on May 22, 2013, 03:59:34 am
*Split-locks PhantomHoover's posts* Thread improves.



Take that as a friendly warning. If you want to improve the thread, post something interesting. If you just want to complain about how bad the thread is, you're basically trolling and can expect consequences.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: General Battuta on May 22, 2013, 08:52:31 am
hold that thought while I find my Blindsight pdf

[EDIT] damn, the whole passage wasn't actually about flowers as I'd thought, but it's still semi-sort of-relevant about romantic gestures and hilarious

Quote from: Peter Watts
     I had my own style, of course. I tried to be charming in my own peculiar way. Once, after one too many fights about honesty and emotional manipulation, I'd started to think maybe a touch of whimsy might smooth things over. I had come to suspect that Chelsea just didn't understand sexual politics. Sure she'd edited brains for a living, but maybe she'd just memorized all that circuitry without giving any thought to how it had arisen in the first place, to the ultimate rules of natural selection that had shaped it. Maybe she honestly didn't know that we were evolutionary enemies, that all relationships were doomed to failure. If I could slip that insight into her head— if I could charm my way past her defenses— maybe we'd be able to hold things together. So I thought about it, and I came up with the perfect way to raise her awareness. I wrote her a bedtime story, a disarming blend of humor and affection, and I called it

The Book of Oogenesis

In the beginning were the gametes. And though there was sex, lo, there was no gender, and life was in balance.
     And God said, "Let there be Sperm": and some seeds did shrivel in size and grow cheap to make, and they did flood the market.
     And God said, "Let there be Eggs": and other seeds were afflicted by a plague of Sperm. And yea, few of them bore fruit, for Sperm brought no food for the zygote, and only the largest Eggs could make up the shortfall. And these grew yet larger in the fullness of time.
     And God put the Eggs into a womb, and said, "Wait here: for thy bulk has made thee unwieldy, and Sperm must seek thee out in thy chambers. Henceforth shalt thou be fertilized internally." And it was so.
     And God said to the gametes, "The fruit of thy fusion may abide in any place and take any shape. It may breathe air or water or the sulphurous muck of hydrothermal vents. But do not forget my one commandment unto you, which has not changed from the beginning of time: spread thy genes."
     And thus did Sperm and Egg go into the world. And Sperm said, "I am cheap and plentiful, and if sowed abundantly I will surely fulfill God's plan. I shall forever seek out new mates and then abandon them when they are with child, for there are many wombs and little time."
     But Egg said, "Lo, the burden of procreation weighs heavily upon me. I must carry flesh that is but half mine, gestate and feed it even when it leaves my chamber" (for by now many of Egg's bodies were warm of blood, and furry besides). "I can have but few children, and must devote myself to those, and protect them at every turn. And I will make Sperm help me, for he got me into this. And though he doth struggle at my side, I shall not let him stray, nor lie with my competitors."
     And Sperm liked this not.
     And God smiled, for Its commandment had put Sperm and Egg at war with each other, even unto the day they made themselves obsolete.


     I brought her flowers one dusky Tuesday evening when the light was perfect. I pointed out the irony of that romantic old tradition — the severed genitalia of another species, offered as a precopulatory bribe—and then I recited my story just as we were about to ****.
     To this day, I still don't know what went wrong.

This passage always annoyed me because the biology is Reddit-level simplified and wrong.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: karajorma on May 22, 2013, 09:06:51 am
That's probably why he didn't get any. :p

I mean she wasn't too upset at the comment about flower genitals, it was obviously the scientific inaccuracies that turned her off.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Phantom Hoover on May 22, 2013, 09:08:41 am
i wonder if the author had heard of frogs
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: perihelion on May 22, 2013, 10:25:28 am
I'd just assumed it was written from the point of view of a flawed narrator.  We weren't supposed to agree with all of Siri's perspectives.  I thought that was part of the point.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 22, 2013, 11:41:19 am
Anyone mention the fact that flowers are basically plants' genitals?

"Hey, I saw this flower and it reminded me of you, because it's basically genitals."

Plants are sluts. The way they gussy up their genitals and stick them out for the World to see and be encouraged to touch. And touch them we do.

"Hey, I bought these flowers for you because they reminded me of you. Plants are sluts just like you."

 :)
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Polpolion on May 22, 2013, 12:06:53 pm
Plants are sluts. The way they gussy up their genitals and stick them out for the World to see and be encouraged to touch. And touch them we do.

"Hey, I bought these flowers for you because they reminded me of you. Plants are sluts just like you."

 :)

I find this post objectionable because it implies that even safe, responsible promiscuity is bad. Secondly, it implies that reproductive behavior vital for survival is bad. Thirdly, you're calling anyone that's received flowers a slut. I can tell from your smiley face that you meant it as a joke but I consider it in poor taste.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 22, 2013, 12:10:09 pm
Plants are sluts. The way they gussy up their genitals and stick them out for the World to see and be encouraged to touch. And touch them we do.

"Hey, I bought these flowers for you because they reminded me of you. Plants are sluts just like you."

 :)

I find this post objectionable because it implies that even safe, responsible promiscuity is bad. Secondly, it implies that reproductive behavior vital for survival is bad. Thirdly, you're calling anyone that's received flowers a slut. I can tell from your smiley face that you meant it as a joke but I consider it in poor taste.

Yes, the smiley was put there to show it is a joke.

I've never called anyone a slut before, and I have no problem with what people do with their sex lives, I'm a big believer in sexual freedom.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: The E on May 22, 2013, 12:43:01 pm
Okay, I think this thread has been going on waaayyy too long.
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Nuke on May 22, 2013, 07:25:53 pm
thank lucifer!
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Goober5000 on May 23, 2013, 09:58:30 am
no.
Title: Re Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 23, 2013, 10:45:50 am
Stop cheating please you mods and admins.

It's one thing to shut down the topic simply because you don't like it, rather than any infringements, another to carry on posting in it when the rest of us can't.
Title: Re: Re Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: MP-Ryan on May 23, 2013, 10:47:11 am
Hell just froze, I think Lorric makes a legitimate point here. *looks pointedly at Nuke and Goober*
Title: Re: Re Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Lorric on May 23, 2013, 10:56:27 am
Hell just froze, I think Lorric makes a legitimate point here. *looks pointedly at Nuke and Goober*

Hey...  :D
Title: Re: Something about flowers, it's weird.
Post by: Black Wolf on May 23, 2013, 11:32:54 am
Point made, gentlemen, thank you.

I think we can safely assume that this thread will now be closed for everyone, mods included.