Author Topic: Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)  (Read 1815 times)

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Offline Unknown Target

  • Get off my lawn!
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  • Push.Pull?
Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)
Schoolwork has basically bludgeoned my writing skills to death - constant essays of repeating facts has let my creative side slip and fall, and this is my attempt to rescucitate whatever's left. I hope you all find it enjoyable, and if not that, then at least acceptable. Honest critique would be greatly appreciated. :)
EDIT: Oh, and I know the title doesn't have anything to do with the story. I guess I would call it "Love", oops :D


“Hey sweety… you ready…?”

Lisa only purred in reply – Mortimer laughed and grinned wildly, pushing his glasses up with his thumb – she always gave him the right answer. He unzipped his fly and moved closer to his love; she only lay where she was, expectantly. Slowly, he mounted her, gripping her cold sides tightly, pressing himself inside. It was almost too small, even for what little he had – he groaned in ecstasy, moving his hips back and forth rythmatically, her voice calling to him in his head, blossoming around his body as he met her cold exterior with his fiery passion. Bending lower, his body encapsulating hers, he pressed his lips against the hard, metallic case and smiled, feeling himself building inside her, the multitude of wires hanging around his flesh only increasing his urges, his desires, his wants for her body. Larger and larger the urge grew, finally exploding inside him, his body collapsing on top of hers, her square metal body supporting  his small weight as he lay there, her tender cares soothing his tired body and soul, allowing him to regain his strength and lift himself out of her. The plastic bag that had been wedged into the spare space below his floppy drive crackled and he smiled weakly – her appraisal was clear. Zipping his fly up, he sat on the chair next to her, resting and reflecting for a moment; leaning back he sighed and smiled, closing his eyes at the memory of the bliss. Looking back down, he saw his portal to his lover, glowing in the darkened room with a radiance that only served to give a visual symbol of his delight…he reached out and took her hand, motioning it towards the Start bar – she graciously accepted his invitation, when suddenly, something stopped them both. A window had appeared, intruding on them – the ruffian must be done away with. Taking her hand once more, he closed the window, and returned to his solitude with his beloved, yet again, the brutish box reappeared. He closed it again and again, before finally reading what would forever changed his life – on the box was scrawled the haunting words…

WINSOCK32 ERROR. REGISTRY CORRUPT. CALL STACK //4213432

His spine ran cold, his breathe came faster – this couldn’t be happening, he thought, not now, not ever! His hands trembled as he shakily picked his way towards the virus scanner and clicked. A scan should find anything and fix it, right? No need to worry, right? The scan took less than five minutes, and when it was complete, his expectation was visible across his face – his brow was sweaty, his lips trembled as he read the error report…no…it wasn’t true, it couldn’t be! Unable to repair! No! He grabbed the keyboard and quickly opened up command prompt – there must be something he could do, something he could do to fi – his beloved stirred. Her constant humming hiccupped, and he looked down at her for a split second – and when he looked up, his worst nightmares began to manifest itself on the very same face that he had looked so longingly into for all this time. She was dying – the virus was killing her. He watched helplessly as the screen proudly proclaimed each file deletion, each file bringing her closer to death – he had to stop it somehow, some way! But no – he couldn’t – but he could not prolong her suffering. Bolting behind her, he grabbed her cord, and with tears in his eyes, he ripped it from her with the passion that is reserved only for warriors in the moment of defeat. And thus, he broke down beside her, sobbing against her, his tears washing down her cold, metallic face, now still and freshly removed of all life…when it happened upon him to glance at the…oh no…He quickly yanked down his pants, and to his horror, he saw what had happened to his beloved, happening to him – the last passion, the last love that they had given each other – it passed her death onto him, and he saw the gruesome consequences of such a horror. Inside his pants, his flesh was slowly disappearing, replacing itself with…with nothing! He fell to his knees, sobbing over what was once a beacon of his life, the sole purpose of his existence…and the very thing that had sentenced him to die here, and now, without her, to die alone…
The sickness did not take long – indeed, it worked with the same rapidity and assuredness of purpose that it had exhibited when killing the only one he ever loved. He did not call for help, for who was to come? He did not run, for where was there to run to? And he did not weep…for there was nothing to weep for. His last hope had been lost, and left to him was…nothingness. He fell over her, shedding his last tear upon her metal body, as the sickness took it’s dark grasp over him and washed him away into nothingness, leaving only his tear, and…something else. He left not just the tear, but with that tear, all the life that it had given what most would say never lived.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2005, 10:20:07 pm by 368 »

 

Offline icespeed

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Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)
dun say you lost your creativity, that was about the most original thing i've read for months. at first i was thinking, okay, why is UT writing porn, that's not what he's normally into... but the story in its entirety completely banishes that idea. it's a great concept. only thing is... i probably wouldn't have given her... 'her' a name at all; then again i personally dislike giving characters names when names don't actually add anything to the story. altho her name does mislead in the beginning as to person-hood, so maybe that was intentional... anyway good job.
$quot;Let your light shine before men...$quot;
Matthew 5:16

When I graduate, I'm going to be a doctor, and people are going to come to me looking for treatment and prescription drugs, and I'm going to give it to them. Is anyone scared yet?

$quot;If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.$quot; Romans 10:9

 

Offline NGTM-1R

  • I reject your reality and substitute my own
  • 213
  • Syndral Active. 0410.
Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)
I love this kind of story, written a few myself. It's going one way...and then suddenly there's this screeching SWERVE.

Yay.
"Load sabot. Target Zaku, direct front!"

A Feddie Story

 

Offline Col. Fishguts

  • voodoo doll
  • 211
Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)
Do I have a déja-vu, or have you posted something like this before here ?

:yes: for creativity I'd say
"I don't think that people accept the fact that life doesn't make sense. I think it makes people terribly uncomfortable. It seems like religion and myth were invented against that, trying to make sense out of it." - D. Lynch

Visit The Babylon Project, now also with HTL flavour  ¦ GTB Rhea

 

Offline Unknown Target

  • Get off my lawn!
  • 212
  • Push.Pull?
Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)
Thanks guys :) And I posted a story about a robot prostitute, if that's what you're thinking of :)
And in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have given "her" a name. :D

  

Offline WMCoolmon

  • Purveyor of space crack
  • 213
Damn schoolwork (short story ahead!)
Quote
WINSOCK32 ERROR. REGISTRY CORRUPT. CALL STACK //4213432


Come now.

First of all, Winsock is the Windows communications layer. If the registry were corrupt, I doubt it'd be in the same error as one from Winsock, and thanks to how Windows is laid out, I doubt there'd be enough interopability in error messages between the processes to give such an error message.

Furthermore, the Winsock module would probably be the one most scrutinized for registry access, since it's the one that deals with contact to the Internet or LAN, any security holes that allow direct access to the registry would be a major security threat.

Finally, the call stack display; since it's so lowlevel an error, I'll buy the single entry (although the possibility of the existence of that exact error or a similar one, I'm very skeptical about.) But, the location - 4213432 - seems remarkably high level. That'd be 1108558898 bytes from the 'front' of memory addressing, or 1.06 GB. To my knowledge, the Windows kernel and other lowlevel components are loading from the front of available memory to the back.

Since the virus appears to corrupt and delete files, rather than the memory directly, it's unlikely that it'd interfere with the current execution thread location. Not to mention that most windows error messages don't display a call stack anyways, since they make things look more scary and aren't especially useful to a home user. (I suppose it's conceivable that this guy got his hands on Windows source code, and has compiled himself custom copies of the DLLs)

A for creativity, but a C for technical details. ;)
-C