[MP-Ryan]

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone in saying this, but it must be said.

I've been playing through a great many of the community-made campaigns lately, and I must say most of them are exceptionally well done, albeit with one problem:  tone, and grammar.

What made FS, FS2, and a few of the other community campaigns (Derelict comes to mind, obvious) so immersive is the attention to tone in the briefings and scripted transmissions.  The characters are believable.  The briefings are formal (sometimes overly so).  You get the feeling that you are being ordered by someone with a greater rank.

However, there are other campaigns with poor writing that takes away from their otherwise excellent gameplay.  Briefings should not be written in a conversational tone.  The most conversational it gets in the retail missions are those with Snipes, in the SOC loops, and even then it's believable.  This is not to say you cannot have characters, such as Alpha 2 in Derelict who develop personality - far from it.  But reading a briefing should not make the player feel like they're reading a creative essay written in a high school English class.

Let me give an example:

Poor tone:  "Your wing has to kill all fighters, and then I'll link up with you for the transfer."
Appropriate tone:  "This is Admiral Nitpick.  [...] Alpha wing will destroy all fighters in the area, then rendezvous with the GTD Grammar Nazi for ship transfer."

It is possible to use formal tone with informal speech, as both retail campaigns (especially FS2) do several times as well (again, see Snipes for an example).

This is not to insult the people who make these campaigns for everyone's enjoyment, but rather to encourage them to take a critical look at their writing, and make changes to increase immersion and believability.  The best campaigns immerse you in them, and the writing is a large part of that process.  Otherwise, it's just another mission with the usual objectives.

[Turey]

* Turey agrees with the formal vs. informal thing.

[CP5670]

I've noticed this in quite a few campaigns too, and it does look out of place.

Although I might have gone a bit overboard in the other direction in my own campaign. I need to change a few things to pull that back a bit.

[Wobble73]

Remember that some campaigns are set in the post-Capella reconstruction era, and your greatest enemy now is pirates. You are not really GTVA anymore but more a Glorified police force (as in Homesick) and therefore things are a bit more informal. So the informal/formal settings all depend on the mood of campaign the author is trying to create.

[MP-Ryan]

Remember that some campaigns are set in the post-Capella reconstruction era, and your greatest enemy now is pirates. You are not really GTVA anymore but more a Glorified police force (as in Homesick) and therefore things are a bit more informal. So the informal/formal settings all depend on the mood of campaign the author is trying to create.

Which is fine.  I'm talking about campaigns in which the writing tone is entirely out of place, of which there are several.  I won't name names though, I don't want to discredit anyone's hard work.

[Nuclear1]

Remember that some campaigns are set in the post-Capella reconstruction era, and your greatest enemy now is pirates. You are not really GTVA anymore but more a Glorified police force (as in Homesick) and therefore things are a bit more informal. So the informal/formal settings all depend on the mood of campaign the author is trying to create.

Which is fine.  I'm talking about campaigns in which the writing tone is entirely out of place, of which there are several.  I won't name names though, I don't want to discredit anyone's hard work.

That wouldn't discredit.  If anything, it's constructive criticism; if something's wrong with a campaign, the creator will want to know what needs to be fixed.  So really, you're doing more harm if you're not naming names.

[NGTM-1R]

As a writer myself, I think there is some faulty logic at work here. Not all briefings would be formal. Squadron leaders or other superiors would conduct them with different levels of formality depending on personal preference or the apparent need to be formal with this particular group; a unit that has been together for a long time would be less likely to be formal; a lack of time or preparation may effect the formality of the briefing. The list goes on.

Perhaps you find it jarring. But perhaps you're not looking deep enough, too. Since you won't say who, I can't tell.

[MP-Ryan]

As a writer myself, I think there is some faulty logic at work here. Not all briefings would be formal. Squadron leaders or other superiors would conduct them with different levels of formality depending on personal preference or the apparent need to be formal with this particular group; a unit that has been together for a long time would be less likely to be formal; a lack of time or preparation may effect the formality of the briefing. The list goes on.

Perhaps you find it jarring. But perhaps you're not looking deep enough, too. Since you won't say who, I can't tell.

Notice I've made a distinction between formal tone and formal speech.  Tone should always be formal.  Speech (or text) can vary.

[Huggybaby]

When men must coordinate, esp. in an infinite vacuum, there has to be a certain protocol, otherwise confusion can lead to really bad things.

Briefings are very specific for a good reason. There can be jocularity during a briefing, but you can't leave out who, what, when, where, why and how.

"Uh, doodz, we're just gonna, like, go out there and look for stuff to, like shoot, mm kay?"

"Yes Captain"

Later---"Was I supposed to shoot this, or this? Should I break formation?" Followed by big explosions.

Captain? Captain?? Captaiiin!

[Admiral Edivad]

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone in saying this, but it must be said.

I've been playing through a great many of the community-made campaigns lately, and I must say most of them are exceptionally well done, albeit with one problem:  tone, and grammar.

Yes, tone and grammar are, in my opinion, very important in a good campaign.

[Mobius]

Edivad want that you grammar check Steadfast.

[Centrixo]

As a writer myself, I think there is some faulty logic at work here. Not all briefings would be formal. Squadron leaders or other superiors would conduct them with different levels of formality depending on personal preference or the apparent need to be formal with this particular group; a unit that has been together for a long time would be less likely to be formal; a lack of time or preparation may effect the formality of the briefing. The list goes on.

Perhaps you find it jarring. But perhaps you're not looking deep enough, too. Since you won't say who, I can't tell.

i wanna add to that point, i dont want clones of this that or the other, people should have thier own personality and thier own ways of going around things like ever changing tones and grammer.

il create and example: Informal, cool and releaxed tone.
Snipes -"Ok Kids, we have a shot at this, get your shoes on. be will be flying in these bricks called Ursa's in a few minutes."
Alpha 3 -"i hate these damnned ships can't we fly something a little more classey?"
Snipes -"Yeah there is either the Ursa or the Escape pod!, you choose pilot."

Formal, Very Strict tone.

Adimral Hoth -"This is our objective you are going to be flying the Ursa's today, we expect you to destroy the target."
Alpha 3 -"i hate these damnned ships can't we fly something a little more classey?"
Adimral Hoth -"You dont want to fly these fine ships? Then get the hell off my ship!. NOW!"

then you got Formal, Relaxed tone.

Captain Ritsza -"Ok we have an objective for you, kill that target and for this we will be using the Ursa, its a good bomber you treat her right she will treat you right."
Alpha 3 -"i hate these damnned ships can't we fly something a little more classey?"
Captain Ritsza -"Like or lump it you have no choise, fly it, or you will be taken off the ship for insouborination, you don't want that hanging over you head now, do you?"

i mean this is ok along as it isnt.
Adimral Garrax -"Do your objectives now"
Captain Junilannen -"Do your objectives now"
Adimral Pugh -"Do your objectives now"
Alpha 3 -"Do your objectives now"
Snipes -"Do your objectives now"

Do you get where im going with this? It should be left alone to the person in question who does this.
fair enough i have constructive crisism, but i never say anything about grammer because my grammer isnt good, anyway besides that, isn't what makes us human, our errors?

[MP-Ryan]

Edivad want that you grammar check Steadfast.

I saw his PM and replied.  I'd be happy to.

[Mika]

Centrixo wrote:

Adimral Garrax -"Do your objectives now"
Captain Junilannen -"Do your objectives now"
Adimral Pugh -"Do your objectives now"
Alpha 3 -"Do your objectives now"
Snipes -"Do your objectives now"

This actually brought up some really good laughs until I realised that the point I was laughing at did not actually exist in the text. Then I laughed even harder.

Normally I wouldn't bother with this, but the quote above brought up some of memories during my stay in the Defence Forces. As in the similar scened portrayed by Chaplin in the movie Great Dictator:

General: "Colonel, defuse the bomb"
Colonel: "Major, defuse the bomb"
Major: "Captain, defuse the bomb"
Captain: "Lieutnant, defuse the bomb"
Lieutnant: "Master Sergeant, defuse the bomb"
Master Sergeant: "Sergeant, defuse the bomb"
Sergeant: "Corporal, defuse the bomb"
Corporal: "Soldier, defuse the bomb"
Soldier: "Defuse the bomb ... Uh..." (watches behind and sees that no-one is below him in rank and grudgingly goes)

Edit: I originally used a much more colorful language for Sergeants and below. It went somewhat like "Alright you flea-ridden stinking shi*ty piece of g*itsuckers, defuse the bomb". Then I decided that I should not put it visible here as it only bears a grain of truth in it and somebody could get offended by it.

Edit 2: Splel chkec at laest partially dnoe

[Admiral Edivad]

Edivad want that you grammar check Steadfast.

I saw his PM and replied.  I'd be happy to.

See you on TSP then. I'll send you the details via PM.