Good to hear you did not take offense on any comments. Remember to spell-check and double check punctuation (periods and question marks, commas are at the right place, etc.)
Also, I suggest you read some screenplays of officially released movies, I can provide you a link to the Revenge of the Sith screenplay, which is a masterpiece, in my opinion. Take a look at how it looks, following it would make your writing look more professional for the first sight.
As I said, apart from the punctuation and spelling mistakes, I find nothing wrong in your work, or as a matter of fact, the dialogue. I could be because non-native English speakers like myself cannot imagine how different the dialogues might sound in speech.
To other members of HLP: Don't start arguing with me about Revenge of the Sith's quality here.
