Author Topic: Just got this in my invox  (Read 3680 times)

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Offline Black Wolf

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Just got this in my invox
'Tis the first spam I'm actually glad I recieved -  gave me a good laugh. :lol:

Quote

You've asked the questions. Now get answers from a respected, authoritative perspective. Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, best-selling authors of the Left Behind series, along with noted Bible historian and end times analyst Mark Hitchcock have teamed up to lead the Left Behind Prophecy Club.
As news breaks and world-changing events unfold, you will be the first to receive in-depth analysis and interpretation from LaHaye and Hitchcock.

• Weekly Analysis of world events and their relationship to end-time prophecies.
• Tim LaHaye, Jerry Jenkins and Mark Hitchcock answer your questions.  
• Exclusive message boards.  
• Free Left Behind Illumina to the first 20,000 subscribers! (A $20 retail value)  


Subscribe now and find out:

• Is the UN a precursor of the One World government prophesized in the Bible?
• Could the Antichrist be alive now? If so, how can he identify so he does not deceive us?
• Are ATM's and other revolutions in global banking foretelling of the Mark of the Beast?  



I always knew there was something fishy about those ATMs...
:devil:
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Burn the heretic who killed F2S! Burn him, burn him!!- GalEmp

 

Offline diamondgeezer

Just got this in my invox
:shaking:

 

Offline Tiara

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Just got this in my invox
:doubt:

Yeah, ok, whatever....

:ick
I AM GOD! AND I SHALL SMITE THEE!



...because I can :drevil:

 

Offline Darkage

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Just got this in my invox
:wtf: invox? since when do you recieve e-mail by a vox?:p
[email protected]
Returned from the dead.

 

Offline Dark_4ce

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Just got this in my invox
Like the:
 
"Armageddon is upon us and we shall all die! But if you pay us 15 dollars a month, and we reach our target of 1 million dollars, the world will not end!" We are so sure that it won't end with your help, that if it does, we will send you your money back! 100% guarantee! See what other people had to say:

My lord... I am so happy I sent you that money! I was so sure the world was going to end on...now I can finally rest in knowing I can wake up and be Alive!    --John Wikes (actor)

Just when I though all was lost, you guys came along and stopped it! I thank you. --Julia Hertzgovich (mother of 4)

When I woke up in the morning I knew I was safe. Thank you, its even helped my sex life! --Henry Davenport (Fisherman)


I saw this on a website not too long ago. But its probably a joke. Fun anyway. :D
I have returned... Again...

 

Offline Sandwich

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Just got this in my invox
Oy Vey. The Left Behind series actually spawned a movie, which I saw. Valiant effort, but it was pretty silly at times.
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"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline Vertigo1

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Just got this in my invox
And lets hope that it never spawns another movie...

Remember "The Omega Code"?  *shudders*
Gargoyles, Season 1.  Buy it, or DIE! :)

"Professor! This ship is capable of traveling 90 percent the speed of light! Why are we only doing 35 miles an hour!" - Leela
"Because we're in a hurry!" - Professor

"from a purely stastical standpoint japanese men DO have smaller penii on average" - Kazan

 

Offline Sesquipedalian

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Just got this in my invox
I don't know whether to respond with :rolleyes: or .

1) "Left Behind" series = BAD eschatology! BAD! BAD! BAD!  I could launch into a whole tirade about why it is so deeply and fundamentally messed up, nevermind the disgusting commercialistic abuse of the Christian faith involved, but I will exercise restraint (unless someone wants to know)...

2) "Respected, authoritative perspective" != Tim LaHaye, Jerry Jenkins or Mark Hitchcock.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2003, 04:55:02 am by 448 »
Sesqu... Sesqui... what?
Sesquipedalian, the best word in the English language.

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Offline Sandwich

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by Sesquipedalian
I don't know whether to respond with :rolleyes: or .

1) "Left Behind" series = BAD eschatology! BAD! BAD! BAD!  I could launch into a whole tirade about why it is so deeply and fundamentally messed up, nevermind the disgusting commercialistic abuse of the Christian faith involved, but I will exercise restraint (unless someone wants to know)...

2) "Respected, authoritative perspective" != Tim LaHaye, Jerry Jenkins or Mark Hitchcock.



I couldn't agree more. Personally, I never understood how Bible-reading Christians could arrive at a pre-tribulation rapture. :rolleyes: :p

{/open can-o-worms}

The one thing that I think the Left Behind movie did do with some success is portray the world-wide reaction to millions of people being taken away "in the blink of an eye." ;)
SERIOUSLY...! | {The Sandvich Bar} - Rhino-FS2 Tutorial | CapShip Turret Upgrade | The Complete FS2 Ship List | System Background Package

"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline Vertigo1

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Just got this in my invox
I actually met the author of that series...and let me tell you that is one of THE must messed up fundies I have EVER had the displeasure of meeting.  The second this moron found out I was an athiest...lets just say this *bleep* went off the wall on how I was "damned" and "going to burn in hell".  If there weren't little kids around, lets just say I wouldn't have been so nice in return.
Gargoyles, Season 1.  Buy it, or DIE! :)

"Professor! This ship is capable of traveling 90 percent the speed of light! Why are we only doing 35 miles an hour!" - Leela
"Because we're in a hurry!" - Professor

"from a purely stastical standpoint japanese men DO have smaller penii on average" - Kazan

 

Offline Sandwich

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by Vertigo1
I actually met the author of that series...and let me tell you that is one of THE must messed up fundies I have EVER had the displeasure of meeting.  The second this moron found out I was an athiest...lets just say this *bleep* went off the wall on how I was "damned" and "going to burn in hell".  If there weren't little kids around, lets just say I wouldn't have been so nice in return.


Gah - those kinds of people well and truly piss me off. Jesus didn't condemn people with harsh accusations of damnation, so why do they feel the need to? :rolleyes:
SERIOUSLY...! | {The Sandvich Bar} - Rhino-FS2 Tutorial | CapShip Turret Upgrade | The Complete FS2 Ship List | System Background Package

"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline Sesquipedalian

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by Sandwich


Gah - those kinds of people well and truly piss me off. Jesus didn't condemn people with harsh accusations of damnation, so why do they feel the need to? :rolleyes:
Sesqu... Sesqui... what?
Sesquipedalian, the best word in the English language.

The Scroll of Atankharzim | FS2 syntax highlighting

 

Offline Bobboau

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Just got this in my invox
cause whats the fun of beeing saved if you can't rub it in the faces of all the damned people
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Offline Sandwich

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by Bobboau
cause whats the fun of beeing saved if you can't rub it in the faces of all the damned people


{monotone voice}Oh my gosh. How come I did not see that before? You have convinced me now.{/monotone voice}

:p
SERIOUSLY...! | {The Sandvich Bar} - Rhino-FS2 Tutorial | CapShip Turret Upgrade | The Complete FS2 Ship List | System Background Package

"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline J.F.K.

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by Sandwich
I couldn't agree more. Personally, I never understood how Bible-reading Christians could arrive at a pre-tribulation rapture. :rolleyes: :p


Okay, I'm going to undergo the risk of being overrun by worms, but... in Christian terms, what are the tribulation and the rapture meant to be? I never understood them.
.
[font="SerpentineDBol"]. . . . W H O . I S . T H E . M A N , . W H O . I S . T H E . M Y T H ?[/font]

 

Offline Sandwich

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by J.F.K.


Okay, I'm going to undergo the risk of being overrun by worms, but... in Christian terms, what are the tribulation and the rapture meant to be? I never understood them.


(Sesq, feel free to add/subtract here... :nod: )

Tribulation = time on Earth before the return of Jesus during which (basically) the Anti-Christ has power, uniting the world in the name of the god "Peace", severely persecuting all other religions. Not fun.

Rapture = Y'know, I'm not quite sure about this one anymore. It generally refers to Christ gathering His own into heaven, basically, all the Christians disappearing to dwell "up there". But actually, the Bible states that Christ is going to be reigning from down here on Earth for 1,000 years when He returns, in which case, I'm just not quite sure. :o
SERIOUSLY...! | {The Sandvich Bar} - Rhino-FS2 Tutorial | CapShip Turret Upgrade | The Complete FS2 Ship List | System Background Package

"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline Sesquipedalian

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Just got this in my invox
I'll make two posts here: one discussing how the basics of a right understanding of these things go, and one about errors like the sort that produced this thread to begin with.

The core of Christian eschatology (the study of "last things") is very simple to tell, actually.  Basically, Jesus Christ is going to return on the last day, when the entire cosmos will be renewed and set free from death and decay, and we shall be resurrected to eternal life (or eternal destruction, if you decide to tell God he can go take a running jump because you'd rather die than live with anyone but yourself as your god).  The Biblical language is that there will be "a new heavens and a new earth" in which we will live, or in more boring terms, we will have both a physical and spiritual existence the likes of which we cannot even imagine.  And at this time, we will no longer be separated from God, but he will come and "dwell with us" and "his kingdom will have no end."  All things will be fixed, and every evil set right, and "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  And that, my friends, is when life will really begin! :D

The book of Revelation is one of the places in the Bible that talks about this, and one of the longest.  It is written in very, very, very symbolic language, and its purpose is not to give "history before it happens" but to 1) provide a different way of seeing and understanding things when they do, and 2) to tell forth the hope the God's people can look forward to, come what may.  

(This bit is for Sandwich, mostly) One of the symbols used in Revelation is the kingdom of a thousand years, when Jesus Christ will rule over the earth, and we with him.  Some people understand this literally (see below for my opinions about that), while some understand "a thousand years" (correctly, in my opinion) according to the symbolic nature of the kind of literature that Revelation is written in.  By this view, saying "for a thousand years" in that context is much like saying "for, like, ever" in our common speech today.  If we wanted to be boring and accurate, we'd say "for a long time," but by using on of these other symbolic expressions we make things more interesting and meaningful.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2003, 07:34:49 am by 448 »
Sesqu... Sesqui... what?
Sesquipedalian, the best word in the English language.

The Scroll of Atankharzim | FS2 syntax highlighting

 

Offline Sesquipedalian

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Just got this in my invox
Both of those terms actually come from a small, but unfortunately very vocal section of right-wing Christian theology that arose in the 19th century.  To give a proper explanation of what they do, and do not, have in common with the historical Christian understanding, I need to talk a little mor about Revelation:



Like I said above, Revelation is written in an very, very, very symbolic genre of literature.  This genre is called "apocalyptic," which does not mean "sudden catastrophic death from on high" but simply means "revelatory."  This genre of literature uses lots of symbolic and poetic language to communicate its meaning, instead of the more usual fact-by-fact historical style that we most naturally employ in modern Western culture.  The descriptions that Revelation gives of things to come are to be understood in this fashion if they are to be understood at all.  (I could go on about how to go about that, but brevity is the key here, so I won't...)

However, apocalyptic literature is not a genre we use in our culture today, and as a result many people open the book of Revelation and don't know what is going on inside it.  They don't understand how this kind of literature works.  So, some people treat it like some sort of "history written in advance" that for odd reasons they don't understand uses lots of strange imagery for things.  They start trying to "decode" Revelation and look for one-to-one correspondence between the things in the book and literal historical events and people, which is very silly behaviour if one does understand the sort of writing Revelation is.

The terms rapture and tribulation, as used above, come from a particular school of thought that, not understanding what the genre of Revelation is about, treats it as a literal document instead of a symbolic one.  

Now, the term "tribulation" does come from the Bible, but the way those guys are using it is an aberration.  By ignoring the way the symbols work, they come to the conclusion that there will be a period of exactly seven years when all the stuff described in Revelation is going to happen, more or less as literally as it possibly can.  This is, of course, not the right way to understand Revelation, but I've been banging on about that already.  In reality, the "tribulation" is not intended to be understood as a specific seven-year period, but the wording in Revelation refers to the tribulations (=trials, difficulties, persecutions) the Christians have undergone and will undergo before Christ's return.   So you can see how the way these guys us "tribulation" is aberrant.

The term "rapture" has absolutely no Biblical precedent whatsoever.  Remember how I said there would be a resurrection when Jesus came?  Well, this school of thought, as a result of poor logic based on their faulty way of reading Revelation and other passages, thinks that this is somehow a two-phase thing.  Jesus is going to "sort of" come back once when all the currently living Christians get taken away from the earth, and then later he comes back "to finish the job."  This understanding is not only wrong, nor even just wrong from the get-go, but can only arise once one has already been going along the wrong track for a long time already.

So, it is unfortunate that I have to introduce you to eschatology by telling you about things that are wrong, J.F.K., but I guess that is the way the cookie crumbles.  If you want to attain a clear and proper understanding, stick with with the simple description I gave you and basically just ignore the likes of Tim LaHaye.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2003, 07:22:39 am by 448 »
Sesqu... Sesqui... what?
Sesquipedalian, the best word in the English language.

The Scroll of Atankharzim | FS2 syntax highlighting

 

Offline Vertigo1

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Just got this in my invox
Quote
Originally posted by Sandwich


Gah - those kinds of people well and truly piss me off. Jesus didn't condemn people with harsh accusations of damnation, so why do they feel the need to? :rolleyes:


Exactly.  I just told the little twerp that "You really do love your neighbors don't ya?" and walked off.  (Yes, I know perfectly well that not all christians are like that.  I just said it to piss the little jerk off.  Hell, some people started clapping right after I said that too.
Gargoyles, Season 1.  Buy it, or DIE! :)

"Professor! This ship is capable of traveling 90 percent the speed of light! Why are we only doing 35 miles an hour!" - Leela
"Because we're in a hurry!" - Professor

"from a purely stastical standpoint japanese men DO have smaller penii on average" - Kazan

 

Offline SKYNET-011

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Just got this in my invox
:yes:
Petrach and a few other escaped in a pod but were covered in watermelon juice....it was horrible :eek2: :shaking: -dan87uk

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