[diamondgeezer]

Technically, since they're vermin I think I can claim a bounty on their tails

In any case I'm gassing up the Desert Eagle since no-one can object to me shooting at pests

[vyper]

Do you own a staple gun by any chance?

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]Bah. Just shoot compressed air at them, ruffle their fur a bit, they'll soon get the idea they're not wanted and go away in a huff, dragging a binliner of your stuff behind them.[/color]

[diamondgeezer]

I have a can of WD40, I can probably jerry-rig a flamethrower

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]Then you run into the problem of objects that aren't rats but are also equally flammable.[/color]

[diamondgeezer]

Between my floorboards? I should hope not.

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]I was rather thinking of the floorboards themselves, but hey... Plenty of electrical wires to fuse together between the floorboards too.[/color]

[diamondgeezer]

I'm not certain electricity had been invented when this place was built.

Aargh, little ****ers. They're making a bloody racket. How am I supposed to get to sleep?

[vyper]

I was wondering where that was going with the WD40 there....

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]You could always just knock on the floorboards and ask politely if they could be a little quieter in their looting.[/color]

[vyper]

[q]They're making a bloody racket. How am I supposed to get to sleep?[/q]

Masturbation might tire you out sufficiently.

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]Who knows, it might entrance the rats too.[/color]

[vyper]

[q] it might entrance the rats too.[/q]

Either thats a typo, or a very sick joke.

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]Oh, hell. That is bad, isn't it? No, I meant entrance as in mesmerise. Reference second definition here[/color]

[diamondgeezer]

Aaargh

I've just seen one the little bastards running around in my kitchen. Evil evil little ****ers. I'm supposed to be on a coach to London in two hours. Now I've got the Council comming round tomorrow meaning I have to travel through central London on bloody Christmas Eve.

Quite frankly, I'm getting a kebab.

[Odyssey]

[color=cc9900]Oh dear. London = bad at any time.
London + Christmas Eve = Feel really, really sorry for the poor bugger.[/color]

[Unknown Target]

Ummm....rat exterminator?

[phreak]

get a cat

[aldo_14]

Get low yield land mines.

Oh, and squirrels are evil, too (grey - red ones are ok).  They can climb up vertical, sheer face walls.  Little f***ing facehuggers....

[IPAndrews]

Originally posted by PhReAk
get a cat

This is the best idea. The cat will not only kill the rats for you, but present their corpses to you as a gift.