ok, so, tonight, after a rather hellish day at the meat packing plant were nothing could go right, including my thumb getting pierced at the base of the nail by a meat grabber thingy on the bacon slicer, I get in my car and think to my self, my what a cold night it is (this is an important plot point tonight is the coldest night of the year so far, about 15f (rough estimate -10c) and that isn't wind chill). I start off for home and turn on the CD player, it is so cold that I have to hold the wheel of my car with the sleeves of my coat. the car is finally starting to get warmed up when on the side of the road I see a car with it's caution flashers on, as I drive by I think to myself "damn, I hope they don't have serous problem, as it is hellatiusly cold". I keep driving, thinking, 'well I'm sure they called someone, everybody has a cell phone these days, well almost, I sure do hope they called someone cause I sure as hell wouldn't want to be stranded out here in the middle of ****ing no were on the coldest night of the year. hmm, I guess there wouldn't be anything wrong in stopping and seeing if they would want to use my phone to call someone or... something' well by now I'm about a mile away, so I turn around and make my way back pull over and park way to far behind them, get out and walk over to them. it's an older couple, there car was over heating so they had stooped to fill it with anti-freeze, then the radiator cap fell into the engine and the guy couldn't get to it, they asked if I had a flash light, I said I'll go look, and indeed I did have a flashlight, but no batteries, while back there I moved my car up because it was cold and I didn't feel like walking that distance at least two more times. getting back to them they were just about to give up and try riding with the radiator cap off, but I said, why don't you let me try (this is why I stopped my car, to try and help) I take a different route, I go from under the car and within fifteen seconds, I have the cap and I wish them a 'good and warm night' (as it was very very cold). I get into my car wait for them to leave then turn the keys in my car only to hear the all too familiar sound of, a dead battery.
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I look down, I look up, I look down again, and then I turn the keys. turns over once, the sound of the seat belt alarm grows to a ever lower pitch. it is at this point that I say, "oh, no". turn the keys again, just a low pitched grumble of the engine slowly grinding to a halt. I lift my head, see the people I helped go out of sight, think of why I'm in this situation, 'because this is the worst night of the year to be stuck in this stretch of road', think of the situation I'm in 'stuck on this stretch of road on the _worst potable_ night'. it is at this point I begin to laugh, laugh at the cruel irony that has so beautifully incarnated itself once again upon me, laugh at the fact that if I had not been so concerned with the welfare of others I would be at home right about now in my heated room, laugh at the fact that I am forever doomed to a life of unremitting pain and suffering at the hands of a world I try only to bring happiness to, at this point I begin to laugh histaricaly, then after a few seconds/minutes of that, I let forth a veritable river of profanities, that I feel no need to subject you to. tired and swore, and beginning to feel the effects of the cold I pick up the cell phone and call home (the one good thing, cell phone worked). I get mom and explain the situation, she's on her way. so I wait. and wait. and wait some more... and wait. I'm shivering now, exreemly cold. I think 'I do have jumper cables right?'. thinking that I had saw them while looking for the flashlight, and that I could use something to do, I get out of the car and look in the trunk, I see no cables, I go through a scenario similar to the one just after the battery died, spend a good five minutes tearing my trunk apart looking for them, there not there. being out in the cold that long has had a toal on me I am now shaking uncontrollably, my hands are numb, I get back in the car pick up the phone to call home again and there I see the cables, sitting in the trash pit/passenger side, I mutter 'god damn it' and grab the cables. phone in hand and patience wearing thin, I decide to call home anyway to make sure she had left by now or at least see how long she was gone. I get Mark, my younger brother, we have a nice chat, he tells me things that he knows I have only anti-interest in, he's about to hang up but I want someone to talk to as I'm very cold and very bored, so I tell him to give it to Katie, my sister, she is (shock, awe, suprize, wow) in my room on the Internet (ask Kazan how rare this scene is). we talk, I complain, she listens, I describe how horable the situation is, though it really is a prety night, after a while she says 'wow', the kind of wow you would give someone who just told you 'the tigermen from mars are about to fake the moon landing in a plot to kill kenidy and take over the free world!!!'. she is going to say something else but just the mom shows up honking her horn she drives by, I say 'mom's here' and hang up on Kate. then she takes her sweet time turning around and getting back to me. by this point I am so cold I can barely move, my hands are totally numb, I get out open the hoods of both cars, my hands are so cold that it takes me nearly ten minutes to get the jumpers hooked up (for those of you who have never done it it normally takes about 30 seconds), I get in my car it, won't start. I go back out the black cable has fallen off, I put it back on, go back in, won't start. do this a bunch of times, the cable keeps snapping off, eventually mom comes out and I tell her to hold one, but all she really needs to do is hold the hood open, I get it, turn the car on and it FINALY starts. I get out and begin shouting various profanities at the motor declaring my victory and supremacy over it and it's inferiority. Mother, standing two feet away from me, looks at me for a moment and says 'lets go home I'll follow you' so we did, and I ordered a pizza, and it was from Papa Johns, and therefore good, except for the piece of pepperoni on one piece (I hate all manner of meats on my pizza) and then I sat down at my computer after fighting my sister off it and began righting this, then it suddenly rebooted for no good reason, and I started over, in note pad, saving every minute or so, and I began feeling very tired, and I h and then opened open office, copied and pasted, fixed the word wrap spell checked(as this is a rather long post), opened IE, went to HLP, went to post a new tpic, copied it into the field, and hit the submit button
