Working on it. My C+ average ain't gonna get me much luck in transfers, and this year's been a total loss as far as getting anything worthwhile done goes, so I'd probably get rejected from places I coulda gone only last year. But I've set up a nice stack of "less challenging" courses that don't look totally moronic for next year as padding, so all I'll probably have to do is survive a few more months and work up the will to do applications when the time comes and I'll be free. It's really the only option since I've got only $200 to my name and the rest of my family ain't much better off, and I'm not counting on some incredible stroke of luck to save me like it did that bastard friend of mine who skipped college and ended up traveling all over the world doing whatever he wanted instead. I still don't get how he pulled it off.
It'd be nice to get a job somewhere, but at this point I'm still not terribly good at the whole graphics thing, I can't very well get work selling photos or milking my half of a philosophy degree, and I've always loathed writing too much to do it unless absolutely forced to. Basically, given the job market right now, I'd be flipping burgers or jimmying with transmissions if I got anything at all, and without a degree I'd stay doing that for good. If I get out of college and end up in a dead-end job, fair enough, I gave it a shot and probably got something nice like a better understanding of the great writers out of it, at least one thing I can take to my grave. But just dropping it all now... well, it'd be the last big choice I'd get to make and there's no guarantee there wouldn't be another Iowa on the other side, forever. I gots years to do the whole homeless thing or the waste-of-a-life bit, I ain't in no hurry. Plus, back before I came here I knew what I was doing, I had a plan, I cared, and I was smart as all ****- these days, I'm none of those things- I barely even qualify as sentient most days- but I bet the smarter me was right about something, and I'd further venture that if I could get somewhere where I didn't feel numb all the time I'd go back to the way I used to be, figure things out, and I'd rather have all my options open for that point.
And how do you think I ended up here? I only came to the Midwest because the guys I applied to even farther away from home weren't interested. Sometimes, you worry too much about getting away from something, you don't look where you're going too closely and end up in a pit.
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