Smallville: How, in the name of hell, did they manage to take a show about hot girls, farms and people with super powers and fuc[color=232][/color]k it up?
It's not that hard a concept to grasp that: Super Powers + Violence + Nudity = Good Show + Ratings.
Yet the morons behind Smallville don't seem to get it. Instead of having a weekly bloodbath with Clark mauling the **** out of any super-powered ****-up who pisses him off, they have him crying into his moccachino while some psycho who can walk through walls, or shoot electricity from their hands, or shoot flaming monkeys out their asshole, tries to kill Lana.
And what does he do each and every goddamn time he manages to save Lana from certain death? Does he capitalise on the adrenaline rush and horniness near-death situations create in women? Does he use his X-ray vision to see through her clothes (and give her cancer)? Does he even do something as trivial as kiss her when she stands before him panting and gazing into his eyes? **** no. He tells her he loves her but can't be with her.
Which brings me nicely to my next point....
Clark Kent:[/u] My God, could he be any more of a complete tool?
So she can teleport, and puts pictures of herself in your locker, and redecorates your barn, and demands sex all the time, and tries to kill Lana.
But I mean, who
doesn't want to kill Lana? She's such a whiney piece of ass. And she never puts out.
Alicia Baker (Sarah Carter) on the other hand is horny as hell and as crazy as a box of monkeys. She's exicitng, dangerous, blonde and about ten times hotter than Lana.
But no. She inflicts serious injury on one person and tries to kill Lana and all of a sudden she's damaged goods. Who gives a ****? She's smart, she's built and she's practically salivating at the thought of Clark's nutsack, but what does he do? He tries to get her to turn her self in for beating six shades of crap out of her daddy.
Clark Kent is such a goddamn pussy. I remember when Superman was all about kickin' ass and takin' names. He'd charge through concrete walls and snap the bad guys necks for no fu[color=232][/color]ckin' reason. He even reversed time so he could get some pussy from Lois Lane without it being necrophilia.
What kind of moron would turn down Alicia Baker just because she's a little bit psychotic?
Look at her, for **** sake:
Why I Hate TV: In an ideal world, Clark would go around using his powers to pick up chicks and kill people, but in TV world they beat the butch out of him like he's some kind of prison salad-tosser, till he's nothing more than a quivering, affeminite, conditioner-using man*****.
I want a show about a real goddamn person with super-powers. Someone who uses his super-reflexes to comatose on booze and cocaine and go drag-racing with his buddies. Someone who uses his telepathy to **** with girls heads so they'll sleep with him. Someone who has absolutely no qualms about using his ability to bend space and time to get the Spice Channel for free.
But that will never happen, because TV execs are too scared to branch off from their target audience of whiney-ass, under sexed, teenage girls to give me a show that I don't feel physically sick watching. They're too comfortable catering to the telemotional needs of some dumb ***** in Idaho who's ****ed up on horse tranquilizers from all those Big Macs, to give a **** about what someone in the key, goddamn, voting demographic thinks about the complete and utter garbage that they force through the airwaves.
I swear to God, if Todd McFarlane would only stop whoring out his creation to the corporate sector and run for Prime Minister, I'd vote his ass into office.
*drops the mic and walks off stage muttering and swearing to himself*
