Originally posted by karajorma
Even if you disagree with where the problem is coming from surely you agree that taking steps to cool the planet would be a good idea.
OK, so what we do is...first we build a machine, based on the crackpot theories os some shut-in scientist. We'll pay him like 15 billion dollars, cause hey - its the Earth. Alright, next, we need to recruit a pimple-faced teenager, but he's like the best hacker ever. We need to put him in a cave somewhere, cause he's allergic to sunlight, and we need to feed his ass some pop-tarts. But again, its all worth it, cause that dude can like totally HAXXORS THE PLANET.
So, whats next? Oh right, right, the crew. So, we need a beautiful yet intelligent woman onboard - gender equality and all that, besides, the mission to save the Earth can't be a sausage-fest. Oh, and we need some sort of "brave leader" type guy in there, but luckily they're a dime a dozen. And the round it all off, we can throw in some minorities, for comic relief you understand. A Russian would be good, they talk funny. Well, we'll think of something.
So, in order to save the Earth, what we do is - we have to drill to the centre of the Earth. Past the dinosaur bones and rock-hard granite and Morlocks. And then, we drop a few nukes in there, at the centre of the Earth, and that will just fix everything up. Cause nukes are good you see, they're like tape, you can fix anything with them. The nuclear blast will cause the molten centre of the Earth to spin faster...or was the slower, and then the magnetic interference patterns in the neutrino spectrum will produce exactly the effect we're after. Anyway, everything goes smoothly, despite the odds being spectacularly stacked against the mission, except someone, maybe the Russian or the crazy scientist, they get stuck at the centre of the Earth, and in order to save everyone else, they make a noble sacrifice to die, so that the ship can outrun the nuclear blast.
Upon returning to the surface, everyone is a hero and they all become hundredaires - no,
thousandaires - and the Earth lives happily ever after. And we can all get back to our rampant, unchecked production and consumption, our air conditioners and SUVs, safe in the knowledge that the Earth is finally safe fromthe tyranny of nature.