Okay. I've got a few comments but overall I had fun playing the missions so take them as points to consider to improve the mission.
1. I nearly wept when the Kane came through the node. I'd already been playing for 21 minutes and now I've got to fight some more?
I can't say what the final time for the mission is cause I got killed soon after that and didn't have the heart to play for 20 minutes just to get to that point again. Anyway it's a bit too long for a mission. Try trimming the number of ships down to two convoys or get rid of the attack on the Kane and trim it down to 3.
2. New waves of enemy fighters appear the second the last one of the proceeding wave are destroyed. This is bad cause it makes it look like they are waiting in line to be destroyed. Add a delay to when the next wave comes in to make things somewhat more believable.
3. There tends to be fairly large gaps in between the end of the waves of enemy fighters and bombers and the freighters disappering through the node. This wouldn't be so bad if there was some radio chatter during this time but as it is, aside from rearming there's not much else to do with the time.
4. Protecting the Freighters is listed as a secondary goal but the debriefing makes them out to be much more important than that. If you need to protect all four to succeed in the mission (or any particular one for that matter) it needs to be a primary directive so the player realises what is going on.
5. The command briefing and mission briefing both need to be more detailed. This is the intro to the campaign but after the CB I still wasn't that certain which side I was even flying for. Inferno was told from the GTVA viewpoint. Since you're switching sides you need to explain that to the users.
The mission briefing doesn't give me much of a clue as to what I'm supposed to do. It certainly doesn't make clear the importance of the freighters. That woud be forgivable as you trying to show a sense of urgency if you then used comm chatter to give the player more detailed orders once the mission had started.
6. Speaking of radio chatter, you've got a lot of it but it's very impersonal. Vary it a little more
Okay that's the artistic ones dealt with. Time for the techincal ones.
7. The text for the message 2nd Depart is actually
. I think you forgot something 
8. The debriefings don't include one for if you decicde to jump out before the mission ends. You're also missing ones for if certain ships get killed. Never assume the player isn't incompetent enough to lose a friendly ship regardless of how unlikely you may think it is.
9. The debriefings you do have could stand to be a little longer
10. More of a personal preferance this one but I'd prefer to see another wing called Delta, Episilon or another letter rather than a second wave of Gamma.
11. Common newbie mistake. No use of the Y axis. Enemy forces would arrive above or below the plane. It's okay to have all the forces of one side arranged on one plane depending on the circumstances but there is no reason why the enemy would conform to it when they could gain an advantage from coming in at an angle.
Anyway despite all the moaning I did enjoy playing the mission. It was actually pretty well balanced (tough but possible) and would be quite playable if it was a little shorter.
