@.:Firestorm:.
COMMAND: INCOMING JUMP SIGNATURE! NEW USER CONFIGURATION!
Helm! Ready all beam cannons!
Lock Beam Cannons and fire on my command!
FIRE!
NO, YOU IDIOT! USE THE BIG BEAM CANNON!
Insert plasma core... target the n00b... OPEN FIRE!
Welcome to the HLP Station. Exits are located to the right, left, up, down, and 4th-dimensionally. However all of them are blocked, except the 4-d one, and no one's yet figured how to reach it. In the event of a landing of any kind, you can and will be used as a flotation device. All references to FS and the number 3 must be removed from your person to prevent accidental damage. Do not feed the resident Shivan Carl as he will become voracious and chew your leg off. You can find him in the ventilation duct. Throw him your lunch and he'll leave you alone (usually). Flamethrowers can be found under your seat but due to financial constraints have been re-filled with holy water. Phased Plasma rifles (40 watt range of course) can be found in storage lockers. To prevent act of n00b, however, these can only be opened by Moderators, Volition or a hyperintelligent shade of BluE. Please remember that any attempt to use the ASCII characters 0046h, 0053h, and 0033h in sequential order will result in you being trampled by FreeSpace fan boys. Your trampled remains will be fed to Carl so that the rest of us don't have to carry around so much food for lunch. In the event of catastrophic hull failure please board the nearest lifeboat which is pre-programmed for autonomous flight to our sister station the Game-Warden outpost. Thank you and enjoy your stay!