[theoneofblood]

Hey everyone, I'm new to these forums but an oooold fan of the Freespace galaxy.

I am currently writing a script for a Freespace movie, (I don't know how many times other people have talked about/done this, like I said, I'm new), and I was curious if any of you fine people knew where I could potentially put this script up onto the web.

Thanks,
theoneofblood (Don't ask, old Bhuddist Prophecy)

P.S. If anybody would like a gander at some of said screenplay, don't hesitate to ask. I'm going to need help with the finer technical terms anyway, as I've been out of the Freespace loop for over two years.

[karajorma]

Lots of people have talked about it but I've not heard of anyone writing an actual script.

As long as you aren't planning on selling the script to Uwe Boll I'm wishing you good luck

[theoneofblood]

Hahahaha! That's a sick, yet hilarious joke.

This isn't remotely intended to be sold anywhere, (I'm only 18), it's merely an expression of my love for Freespace, and my fondness for a cool and entertaining story.

[karajorma]

Yeah. I figured that was what you're up to I'm sure there are a few people who wouldn't mind reading it once you're done.

BTW

[theoneofblood]

Hmm, I just realised. My story possesses quite an adult orientation, I wonder if I could get away with posting some exerpts on here?

[Nuclear1]

Go ahead. Just give some warnings either in the thread title or just before the script starts.

And for kara, I did remember starting a FS1 script back a while, but it never got anywhere. Now that this one is going, I might just consider going back to it.

[theoneofblood]

Mine's a FS2 script anyway, so that's perfect!

Ok, here's the first part before the title comes up. The beginning is a blatant line-for-line steal of the FS2 intro, but trust me, it goes off in another direction very quickly after that.

WARNING: There is slight coarse language in this exerpt.

----------------------------------------------

1) EXT. DENEB –- 2.28.2335

FADE IN: Hues of blue and green swirl and coalesce in thick, billowing clouds. Red and yellow run through these colours in thin veins.

SUPER: Universal Studios Presents

A deeper, darker red flows over the other colours. Suddenly, lightning rips across the clouds.

SUPER: A Genesis Films Production

We zoom out from the clouds to reveal the vast green-grey planet of Deneb.

Two Hercules Class I Heavy-Assault Fighters roar overhead. Following behind them we can see several wings of other small craft, as well as a fleet of Freighter Craft, two Fenris Class ships and Orion Class Destroyer.

CUT TO: A BOYISH PILOT of one of the Heavy-Assault Fighters is seated within his craft. He gazes out over the planet in wonder.

BOYISH PILOT
God, nobody ever told me it was so beautiful.

FRIENDLY PILOT (Over the intercom)
Never been to Deneb before?

BOYISH PILOT
No, never.

FRIENDLY PILOT
How does it feel, kid?

BOYISH PILOT (Grinning)
Better than a cold beer and a naked Tahitian.

FRIENDLY PILOT
Ha! You haven’t been away from home for too long then. Trust me. After a while, you’d take a piss on the glory of the Horsehead for a chance to even dream of those things.

BOYISH PILOT
Something to look forward to then.

Both pilots laugh.

There is a brief silence.

BOYISH PILOT
Thank you for that.

FRIENDLY PILOT
You're nervous, huh?

BOYISH PILOT
Well... yeah. I've been in skirmishes before, but nothing as big as this. Fighting toe-to-toe with the Shivans... it scares me.

FRIENDLY PILOT
I'd think you were crazy if it didn't. Catching a Shivan fleet unawares is damn hard, and when you do it they get mad as hell. We're going to have to move fast.

BOYISH PILOT
I know.

FRIENDLY PILOT
Sorry, I sound just like Command.

BOYISH PILOT
That a bad thing?

FRIENDLY PILOT
How could it be good?

Blue-White flashes suddenly blossom in the distance for the briefest of moments.

COMMAND (Over the Intercom)
Shivan presence confirmed. All wings, engage the enemy.

FRIENDLY PILOT (Sighing)
Come on kid, time to light em’ up.

BOYISH PILOT
Yeah…

The BOYISH PILOT digs into his pocket and produces a small disc. He presses a button on the top. A hologram appears. It is a 3d image of a young woman, smiling softly. The bottom of the disc says: “Jayna”.

The pilot presses a button on his flight controls, the after-burners engage, filling the screen with their white-hot light.

SUPER: The Battle of Deneb 2.28.2335

Adrift in whiteness, we hear the sounds of the battle of Deneb. The high-pitched whine of the Fighters contrasted with the heavy thunder of the Plasma Cannons and the other-worldly buzz of the Shivans. Over the top of it, we start to hear the sound of somebody hyper-ventilating. Soon all sound is reduced to nothing, and all that can be heard is the breathing of the Boyish Pilot.

BOYISH PILOT
Oh God! He’s on my six! I can’t shake him!

(A Beat)

BOYISH PILOT
****! Where is he?! I can’t see anything!

(Another Beat)

BOYISH PILOT
Please, help me! Help me! I don’t want to die! I’m scared! Help me! For the love of God! Somebody! Hel…

An ear-shattering explosion cuts the words of the pilot short.

There is a five second pause and then the whistling of the wind can be heard. The white rolls back like cloud to reveal the surface of Deneb. It is a barren wasteland. The scattered debris of the Terran fleet can be seen across the landscape.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.)
Thirty-two years have passed since the Great War. The Shivans vanished half a lifetime ago.

We pan past the broken remnants of the fleet. Twisted and scorched metal can be seen everywhere.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
Now we live in the mausoleum of history. We inherit the legacy of ghosts. The elders call us the lost generation.

We move closer to the wreckage. The human toll begins to become apparent. Bleached-white, sand-blasted skeletons dot the plains.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
I remember stories of a glorious civilization. Of cities with spires that reached the sun.

Panning across further we come to a crashed Hercules Class II Fighter/Bomber, the hatch open. A small blue light can be seen flashing.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
And a blue planet, with vast seas.

The small blue light is revealed to be the hologram Jayna, still pathetically clutched in the hand of a skeleton, dressed in full flight gear.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
Of a people with myths of humanity everlasting. Of children who saw, in the burning embers of dying stars, the destiny of their race.

The camera begins to ascend upwards, through the clouds. Out of the atmosphere of the planet.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
And they hurled themselves into the void of space, with no fear.

We see the horizon of the planet of Deneb.   

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
They say our people have no present. Only a past filled with horror.

The gutted remains of an Orion Class Destroyer passes by; an ugly skeleton.

EDWARD ROSEN (V.O.) [CONT’D]
And a future we can only dream of.

The remains of the Destroyer continue to orbit around Deneb. At one point, the star of Deneb shines through the shattered hulk, filling the screen with white light once more.

SUPER: Dragon Beneath the Waves

----------------------------------------------

Thoughts? Rants? Hate-Filled Rhetoric

[Nuclear1]

I liked it, but I do have a couple of things I need to point out:

For one, what are Herc II's doing back in the Great War? Herc II's didn't come around until closer to the Second Great War. If you meant the Herc I, than I think that's more what you're looking for.

Secondly, did the scene just suddenly cut between the patrol and the battle? It seems that after the jump signatures appear, the battle suddenly commences where there was nothing before.

Finally, it's good to put actions words in italics (like camera orders and movements and scene descriptions), but leave speech in regular font.

Otherwise, I like the idea. I'd like to see some more.

[theoneofblood]

Excellent points, all well-noted.

Yes, like I said, I've become sadly ignorant to the technicalities of Freespace, so the Herc I would indeed be the optimum choice.

VERY valid point on commencement of the battle, thank you so much for pointing that out, this will be duly corrected and re-written shortly.

As for the italics, consider it done.

[Jal-18]

I liked the abrupt  switch from patrol to battle.  Having the battle play out to a white screen keeps the suspense of not being able to see the Shivans, and it adds a Kubrick-like charm to the intro.

Excellent dialogue (although Command sounds odd) and mood setting.  Minor thing that annoys me is the Herc being refered to as a Fighter-Bomber- I thought the tech room descriptions called it a Heavy Fighter?  Oh well, minor nitpick.

Good start!

[theoneofblood]

Noted and addressed! Wow, both comments have been generally supportive.

[Andreas]

I like it very much, excellent work A LOT better than most fan fiction out there nowadays.

[aldo_14]

Minor terminology; no 'dreadnaughts' in FS (not a class or anything), Orion is a destroyer, Hercules is definately a fighter (albiet a heavy assault one).

I like the intro buildup (the 2 pilots talking), it works well IMO in building up an atmosphere.  The dialog in general sounds good to me.

  I'd agree that the transition to the battle of the Deneb is too abrupt, though.

[theoneofblood]

Ok, so let's get this straight.

A Hercules is a Heavy Assault Fighter, is that right?

Would I want those dreadnoughts to be "Fenris" class or "Leviathen(bah, sp)"?

Orion point changed.

If you'll notice, we don't actually know how long the gap is between the conversation between the two pilots and the Battle of Deneb.  It could be ten minutes, it could be thirty. (Although those Hercules would have to be travelling pretty slow)

[Nuclear1]

Also, I'd just like to address one final issue with this. I don't know it's been determined or not, but I think the hologram seen with the pilot at the crashed Herc in the FS2 intro was displaying the pilot and his new wife (or fiance). It would make a little more sense, but, then again, if you can throw in some past history with the pilot that gives him some strong affection with his parents, then it would work.

But, he's dead now, so I guess it doesn't matter.

EDIT: And yes, the Hercules is defined as a Heavy Assault fighter both in Freespace 1 and Freespace 2 with it's successor.

You can make the cruisers either Fenris or Leviathan. Their original models are too close to tell any difference, anyway (of course, that changed with Galemp's FSPort).

[theoneofblood]

Great, nice to see it getting a technical review, and not a dressing down for crap story or anything.

[Kie99]

While I dearly love giving hate-filled rhetorics I can't justify giving one here.

[Setekh]

Cool stuff. Welcome to HLP, theoneofblood. The Leviathan and Fenris are 'cruisers', btw.

[aldo_14]

NB: worth pointing out that in FS universe cruisers are smaller than destroyers (it's not the same as naval terminology).  You can glean a fair bit of info from the wiki here, BTW - it's at the top right of the page.

[theoneofblood]

Thanks for directing me to that, much obliged!

I'll be starting a new thread shortly to post regular exerpts from my script each week. Hopefully with more technical accuracy than before!