[achtung]

http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

All I can say is pffff....

Plus Kids to Commies:
http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

make sure to read the comments

[MatthewPapa]

Yea, this is pretty old, I saw it like 4 years ago. Still funny though.

[redsniper]

I hope you realize it's a joke. Also, it's been posted here before, I believe.

[achtung]

Yea, I realize it's a joke.  Hence the smilie.

[Cobra]

oh sure, i install stuff on my computer all the time and ask for better hardware, but that doesn't make me a hacker.

[EDIT] WTF, dressing in bright colors makes you a hacker? jackass...

[DragonClaw]

I've seen this such a long time ago

All I have to say is that I pity the kid whose parents actually find and believe this stuff.

[Descenterace]

That is so old it probably predates the World Wide Wait entirely. I'd not be surprised to see the roots of that joke circulating by email on the original ARPANET.

[Cobra]

here's my favorite comment:

Your article was plainly written without a drop of research. I was startled and disappointed to see the nonsense you preach in it.

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?
AOL is an inferior Internet service provider. Period. There are legitimate reasons to switch away from a low-quality provider such as AOL; higher speeds and better technical support come to mind first.

If your son/daughter is a "hacker," they will have no problem getting around AOL's filters.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?
Do you even know what Comet Cursor, Bonzi Buddy or Flash ARE? I don't think you do!

You seem to think anyone who steals software is a "hacker." They are not. They are thieves, plain and simple.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?
All I can do is shake my head at this.

A true hacker requires nothing more than a text interface to perform his/her craft, not faster video cards or processors.

Also, anyone who asks for a Matrox video card is either a business user, into video editing or is completely uninformed.

"AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips." OK, you're a ****ing IDIOT. AMD makes the best x86 chips out there. They do not make "knock-offs."

Yes, their fabs (fabrication facilities) are located world-wide, and so are Intel's, and so are Via's. They do NOT use child labour; highly-trained technicians and engineers are the only ones doing the manual labour in AMD's operations.

Do some research, dumbass.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?
Oh boy. This one made me laugh.

Almost all of the books you listed have NOTHING TO DO WITH LEARNING TO "HACK." "Cyptonomicon" is a genuinely fascinating look at data encryption, and blends fact with a fictitious story. "Programming with PERL?" PERL is a powerful data extraction language used on machines worldwide. It is incredibly powerful for a wide range of data manipulation tasks. I would be PROUD of my child trying to master this language!

The ignorance you display here is astounding, and the fact that you suggest parents lobby to have such books removed from shelves is the most outrageous and idiotic thing I have read in your article yet.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?
YOU... ARE... A... ****ING... IDIOT.

I spend upwards of 8 hours on my computer each day; much of this time involves my school studies, and much of it is spent communicating with my peers online and learning.

Suggesting your child is attempting to execute a Denial of Service (DOS) attack because they're spending too much time on the computer is the most illogical leap of reason I HAVE EVER HEARD. You should be ASHAMED. That's like assuming your child is planning to use his new iceskates to slit the throat of a 7-11 clerk. Get a clue!

6. Does your son use Quake?
"Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms." Wrong again, you moron! Quake is a GAME. Granted, Quake is a violent game, and I do not believe it is suitable for young children... but it is far from a "training ground" for hackers!

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?
One word: TEENAGERS.

(And of course he's going to be surly and argumentative in his behaviour if you try and approach him with the bull**** in this article! If you're going to approach him, at least be properly informed first!)

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
It's spelled "Linux," you stupid ****ing dolt.

Your total lack of research surfaces here (again). LINUX was invented by a FINNISH (not Soviet) man named LINUS TRAVOLDS (not Linyos Torovoltos) in 1991.

"Lunix" is meant for older 8-bit processors, not the machines we use today. If you had VISITED THE LINK YOU MADE, you would KNOW THIS!

Linux is also stable, free, and extremely powerful to those who know how to use it properly. It can save you time and money, and is arguably one of the best operating systems out there. If your son or daughter was able to even INSTALL it successfully, they are capable of greater things. You should encourage this exploration, not hide away in fear!

"These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers." Uhh... what programs? Linux? Linux is an operating system, dumbass.

"They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program." That's INSANELY ****ING MORONIC. You can't connect to a stereo to steal music! You don't even know what an MP3 is, do you?

DO SOME ****ING RESEARCH.

MPEG Layer 3 (MP3) files are a way of storing music on a computer without taking up too much hard disk space. "MP3" is not a program... it is the set of rules and standards that define the creation and playback of MP3s.

Have you ever even used a computer?

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?
This made me laugh out loud (again). You're describing "ravers," the kids who like to go listen to someone spin electronica records in warehouses all night long. The pacifiers are used to combat the clenching mouth that taking ecstasy causes.

For crying out loud, I don't go to raves and I know this! RESEARCH IS YOUR FRIEND. Try it sometime!

10. Is your son struggling academically?
Oh, yeah... so obviously when your kid is pulling in bad grades, he's part of a hacking group.

PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS.

If your child is being challenged and engaged by his academics, he will put effort into it. He doesn't need your paranoia and misguided rantings... especially based on this non-article.

Electromagnetic radiation from monitors will not cause meningitis any more than watching TV, talking on your cell phone or listening to your hi-fi stereo will.

Yes, spending too much time on the computer could lead to an unhealthy lifestyle... but understand that this does not make computers evil or unhealthy. They might be the most powerful tool you have access to, and anyone who understands how to use them to their fullest extent will do very well for themselves in a computing career.

All things in moderation.

---

As someone who is training to make his living in technology, and someone who has had computers around all his life, I am disgusted and appalled by the quality of this article. It is, quite literally, a work of fiction.

Next time you write an article, you need to read up on your subject first so you don't:
1) misinform parents
2) make a total ass out of yourself

That being said, I would be more than happy to help you out with future articles.

[email protected]
Student of Network Engineering
Proud to be [H]

[karajorma]

Someone apparently has spent too long studying technology and not enough on realising what a joke is

[Cobra]

there's comments all over the site exactly like that, too.

heh, the guy who wrote that would have had a lawsuit coming at him, if Linux knew who and where he is.