Scene 1 (only scene finished)
FADE IN
Scene shows nothing but a black, starry background with a few nebulae. Music starts to play (sort of a graduated battle track) and gets louder. Finally, a Terran fighter flies past the camera, evading laser projectiles desperately. A Vasudan fighter follows him, firing more lasers at a rapid rate.
Camera zooms out to view a massive Terran-Vasudan battle. Text says: “Operation: Thresher. (date here)”. Several cruisers are shown in flames while others are firing away.
Scene cuts to a Vasudan cruiser and it makes its pass over a Terran cruiser. Its main cannon opens fire and hits the Terran cruiser broadside, the impact causing a fiery blaze effect.
Scene cuts to the interior of the cruiser, being rocked by explosions. Crewmen stand up from the initial impact.
Crewman: Authorization to return fire, Captain?
Captain: Acknowledged, Lieutenant. Full power to primary batteries.
Crewman: Aye, sir! [turning to control panel] Main batteries, open fire!
Cut to outside view of the two cruisers. The Terran cruiser’s main batteries release a barrage of their own, hitting the Vasudan cruiser in multiple spots, each making the same impact effect as the Vasudan’s turret.
Scene cuts back to interior of the ship. The Crewman’s panel is showing the readouts of the Vasudan cruiser; multiple spots are deep red, other are yellow.
Crewman [turning to the captain]: Captain, the cruiser’s hull structure is failing on its starboard aft.
Captain: Do we have the missile battery online?
Crewman [pressing a few buttons]: Missile launcher is hot and ready to go. Open fire?
Captain: Target that cruiser and hit it with everything we got!
Scene cuts to view of the missile launcher. The turret rotates quickly to face the upper-left side of the camera and launches a quick volley of missiles (Fusion Mortars, but make faster and more dramatic fire effect) at the Vasudan’s hull.
Scene cuts to 105 degree angle from the Vasudan cruiser’s main hull. The missile volley quickly impacts the starboard hull in multiple spots, causing small pieces of hull plating to leak out.
Scene cuts to interior of the Vasudan cruiser. Vasudan personnel are being sucked out of the ship into space through the hull. After a few seconds, one of the missiles passes through the hole and hits the interior.
Scene cuts back out to the Vasudan cruiser at a 135 degree angle and slightly lower. Explosions ripple across the cruiser’s main hull and eventually a shockwave rips the cruiser in half, the lifeless body floating through space.
Scene cuts to onboard the Terran cruiser where the crew is whooping as the Vasudan debris passes by. The captain is serious as ever, though showing a slight grin from his victory.
Captain: Contact the Prometheus, Lieutenant.
Crewman #2: Aye, sir.
A screen appears on the Captain’s panel, showing a light-skinned, middle-aged man in an officer uniform.
Officer: This is the Prometheus.
Captain: Admiral, this is the Minerva. We’ve taken down the Ennead and request immediate targeting data.
Officer: Understood, Minerva. Prepare to recie–- [multiple explosions are heard in the background and the officer is shook]. GTD Prometheusto all fleet. Abort mission! Repeat, abort mission immediately! Set coordinates for the **** jump node!
Captain: Admiral? What’s going on?
Officer: Minerva, you heard me! Break off immediately and retreat! Command is pulling us out of here.
Captain [confused]: Are you mad, Admiral? We have them here! Let’s finish them off!
Officer [sternly and shouting]: Minverva, we are on full retreat! Get out of here, NOW! [channel fazes out and is cut]
Captain [turning to crewmen]: Helm, set coordinates for **** jump node. Engage subspace drive, max power!
Crewman #3: I’m on it, sir!
A loud revving noise is heard as the subspace drives in the rear power up.
Scene cuts to view of a large generator. It is gradually speeding up; its the subspace drive. Red lights are blinking all over more rapidly.
Scene cuts back to view of the bridge. The ship suddenly accelerates at a massive speed and a large subspace node opens.
Fade out.
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Any comments appreciated
EDIT: Bolds and italics added in for clarification.