Author Topic: FS1 Script-would like comments  (Read 1057 times)

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Offline Nuclear1

  • 211
FS1 Script-would like comments
Scene 1 (only scene finished)

FADE IN

      Scene shows nothing but a black, starry background with a few nebulae. Music starts to play (sort of a graduated battle track) and gets louder. Finally, a Terran fighter flies past the camera, evading laser projectiles desperately. A Vasudan fighter follows him, firing more lasers at a rapid rate.

      Camera zooms out to view a massive Terran-Vasudan battle. Text says: “Operation: Thresher. (date here)”. Several cruisers are shown in flames while others are firing away.


      Scene cuts to a Vasudan cruiser and it makes its pass over a Terran cruiser. Its main cannon opens fire and hits the Terran cruiser broadside, the impact causing a fiery blaze effect.

      Scene cuts to the interior of the cruiser, being rocked by explosions. Crewmen stand up from the initial impact.

      Crewman: Authorization to return fire, Captain?

      Captain: Acknowledged, Lieutenant. Full power to primary batteries.

      Crewman: Aye, sir! [turning to control panel] Main batteries, open fire!

      Cut to outside view of the two cruisers. The Terran cruiser’s main batteries release a barrage of their own, hitting the Vasudan cruiser in multiple spots, each making the same impact effect as the Vasudan’s turret.

      Scene cuts back to interior of the ship. The Crewman’s panel is showing the readouts of the Vasudan cruiser; multiple spots are deep red, other are yellow.

      Crewman [turning to the captain]: Captain, the cruiser’s hull structure is failing on its starboard aft.

      Captain: Do we have the missile battery online?

      Crewman [pressing a few buttons]: Missile launcher is hot and ready to go. Open fire?

      Captain: Target that cruiser and hit it with everything we got!

      Scene cuts to view of the missile launcher. The turret rotates quickly to face the upper-left side of the camera and launches a quick volley of missiles (Fusion Mortars, but make faster and more dramatic fire effect) at the Vasudan’s hull.

      Scene cuts to 105 degree angle from the Vasudan cruiser’s main hull. The missile volley quickly impacts the starboard hull in multiple spots, causing small pieces of hull plating to leak out.

      Scene cuts to interior of the Vasudan cruiser. Vasudan personnel are being sucked out of the ship into space through the hull. After a few seconds, one of the missiles passes through the hole and hits the interior.

      Scene cuts back out to the Vasudan cruiser at a 135 degree angle and slightly lower. Explosions ripple across the cruiser’s main hull and eventually a shockwave rips the cruiser in half, the lifeless body floating through space.

      Scene cuts to onboard the Terran cruiser where the crew is whooping as the Vasudan debris passes by. The captain is serious as ever, though showing a slight grin from his victory.

      Captain: Contact the Prometheus, Lieutenant.

      Crewman #2: Aye, sir.

      A screen appears on the Captain’s panel, showing a light-skinned, middle-aged man in an officer uniform.

      Officer: This is the Prometheus.

      Captain: Admiral, this is the Minerva. We’ve taken down the Ennead and request immediate targeting data.

      Officer: Understood, Minerva. Prepare to recie–- [multiple explosions are heard in the background and the officer is shook]. GTD Prometheusto all fleet. Abort mission! Repeat, abort mission immediately! Set coordinates for the **** jump node!

      Captain: Admiral? What’s going on?

      Officer: Minerva, you heard me! Break off immediately and retreat! Command is pulling us out of here.

      Captain [confused]: Are you mad, Admiral? We have them here! Let’s finish them off!

      Officer [sternly and shouting]: Minverva, we are on full retreat! Get out of here, NOW! [channel fazes out and is cut]

      Captain [turning to crewmen]: Helm, set coordinates for **** jump node. Engage subspace drive, max power!

      Crewman #3: I’m on it, sir!

      A loud revving noise is heard as the subspace drives in the rear power up.

      Scene cuts to view of a large generator. It is gradually speeding up; its the subspace drive. Red lights are blinking all over more rapidly.

      Scene cuts back to view of the bridge. The ship suddenly accelerates at a massive speed and a large subspace node opens.

      Fade out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Any comments appreciated

EDIT: Bolds and italics added in for clarification.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2002, 02:27:17 pm by 673 »
Spoon - I stand in awe by your flawless fredding. Truely, never before have I witnessed such magnificant display of beamz.
Axem -  I don't know what I'll do with my life now. Maybe I'll become a Nun, or take up Macrame. But where ever I go... I will remember you!
Axem - Sorry to post again when I said I was leaving for good, but something was nagging me. I don't want to say it in a way that shames the campaign but I think we can all agree it is actually.. incomplete. It is missing... Voice Acting.
Quanto - I for one would love to lend my beautiful singing voice into this wholesome project.
Nuclear1 - I want a duet.
AndrewofDoom - Make it a trio!

 

Offline Goober5000

  • HLP Loremaster
  • 214
    • Goober5000 Productions
FS1 Script-would like comments
No one's replied yet???

:yes:

More, please. :)

 

Offline Stunaep

  • Thread Necrotech.... we bring the dead to life!
  • 210
FS1 Script-would like comments
its moments like these I wish I had a Vasudan model
"Post-counts are like digital penises. That's why I don't like Shrike playing with mine." - an0n
Bah. You're an admin, you've had practice at this spanking business. - Odyssey

 
FS1 Script-would like comments
sounds pretty good, but it also sounds really hard to make, so good luck!
just another newbie without any modding, FREDding or real programming experience

you haven't learned masochism until you've tried to read a Microsoft help file.  -- Goober5000
I've got 2 drug-addict syblings and one alcoholic whore. And I'm a ****ing sociopath --an0n
You cannot defeat Windows through strength alone. Only patience, a lot of good luck, and a sledgehammer will do the job. --StratComm

 

Offline Black Wolf

  • Twisted Infinities
  • 212
  • Hey! You! Get off-a my cloud!
    • Visit the TI homepage!
FS1 Script-would like comments
A few minopr issues with the spoken/written word problem when the characters are speaking, but it's a good premise for a campaign opening or something. Sort of like the FS1 opening, but not quite as much suspense I think.
TWISTED INFINITIES · SECTORGAME· FRONTLINES
Rarely Updated P3D.
Burn the heretic who killed F2S! Burn him, burn him!!- GalEmp

  

Offline Unknown Target

  • Get off my lawn!
  • 212
  • Push.Pull?
FS1 Script-would like comments
Didn't finish the whole thing yet, but it looks good ;)

BTW, just some suggestions:

Make all the "action" text italics. Any names in the action text, and the Scene places should be in bold. BTW, put EXT if the scene's outside, INT if it's inside, and Day or night at the end. ;)
Makes it easier to read :D

 

Offline Solatar

  • 211
FS1 Script-would like comments
if you do this, make the full view of Operation Thresher good. I think this is a great idea.