[Charismatic]

Il rant. Bear with me, and bear with my awfull spelling and grammer.

I have a friend. Actually i have 2 friends in real life. One is a recently aquired girl (that is just a friend), and we are close.

A Yesterday i found out from her at 10 oclock at night that her ex bf (who she greatly cared about.. geatly) suicided. By a gun. So we were talking on the phone and she was in so great emotional trouble. I drove over there at midnight. Half hour drive.

I get there and shes crying, worse then iv ever seen in my life. I could see and feel her pain, everywher i looked. Written on her face. She told me later on that she tried to kill herself but didnt fuly go through with it. Cut herself in (a area (dont think sick)- yes im blanking this out to pervent anyone who knows her to know who it is).
I tried desperately to confort her, but i did not have the words to say. All my years of knowing what to say to help people, failed me. I managed as best i could.

As i said to a friend on IM:
"[23:38] SirEphili: i could see through her
[23:38] SirEphili: by her eyes
[23:38] SirEphili: it was wired
[23:38] SirEphili: the one time a persons defences are down, all walls down and u can see through their eyes to how they feel
[23:39] SirEphili: i remember her eyes... her pain man
[23:39] SirEphili: i am sick most today cauze of thinking about it
[23:39] SirEphili: i feel in pain in my heart too caue im feeling for her and about i could loose her and all"

I dont know what all i wana say, as this is public and its a private matter. But i told her id see her today but i was not able to. Hopefulyl i will tomorrow. Im sick. I fear i may loose her. She may kill herself. In the time im not there. Every hour im ****ing afriad of loosing her. Every Godam minute! Im in so much pain for seeing her in pain and her being in pain. I dont know how to help her besides being there with her during this. But, ATM, i cant be there. Im sick. I dont know what to do.

As this is on topic, a friend of mine also told me today that his gf's friend hung herself. Hes greveing for his gf also as i am for my friend.

Someone tell me advice or something. This is killin me. I wana be there with her now!

[discuss this or your own experiances with the topic of suicides in this topic]

[Deepblue]

Get her involved with a community service project. There is no greater joy than helping fellow man.

[Nuclear1]

Ouch. I've had a couple of friends who've gone through situations like this, and all I can tell you is to be there for her when she needs you. If you're really afraid that she's going to do something to hurt herself, you have to let someone know, namely her parents, the police, the hospital, or anyone you can trust to get her help.

Again, most importantly: Be there for her. She needs friends right now, and that may be all she needs to not go over the edge.

Hope this all turns out well for you, man. Remember that if you need to talk about this, we're always here, but don't substitute us for people in Real Life™, right?

[Jetmech Jr.]

My deepest sympathies to you and your friends, for what it's worth.

And my whole-hearted contempt to those who killed themselves. Sad as this may sound, that rant makes me feel that my feelings in regards to these people are vindicated.

[Charismatic]

Ouch. I've had a couple of friends who've gone through situations like this, and all I can tell you is to be there for her when she needs you. If you're really afraid that she's going to do something to hurt herself, you have to let someone know, namely her parents, the police, the hospital, or anyone you can trust to get her help.

Again, most importantly: Be there for her. She needs friends right now, and that may be all she needs to not go over the edge.

Hope this all turns out well for you, man. Remember that if you need to talk about this, we're always here, but don't substitute us for people in Real Life™, right?

-Yeah. Im doing my best. But as i cannot drive alone, and as i do not have my own working car (have a non working car) i cannot travel there as id like to. Yeah, il try to be there for her tomorrow. Im gald i was able to last night but..
Dont worry, im not substituteing you all for real people. Hehe.

Get her involved with a community service project. There is no greater joy than helping fellow man.

-Not sure how you intended that to be read. I do not think that would help ATM, IMHO.

My deepest sympathies to you and your friends, for what it's worth.

And my whole-hearted contempt to those who killed themselves. Sad as this may sound, that rant makes me feel that my feelings in regards to these people are vindicated.

- *looks up vindicated at dictionary.com* Ahh. And thanks, its worth something.

[WMCoolmon]

Generally just being around is best.

[Unknown Target]

Yea, honestly, I'd say just be there for her. You can't replace what she's lost, but maybe you can provide something to keep her going. Don't force yourself on her - if she wants to be alone, let her be alone. But if she's the kind of person to commit suicide herself because of this, keep an eye on her though.

[Solatar]

If you can't think of anything to tell her to make her feel better, just listen. If she needs it, be ready to be a super absorbant tear pillow. I've had a special someone in my life have some issues, and sometimes being a good listener is all you can do.

[BlackDove]

Ehhhhhhh I don't quite get that story. Why did/does she want to kill herself? Also who is the one that needs help here? You because you don't feel good about her feeling bad or do you want advice on how to help her?

If you're looking for the latter, it's time to get an organisation that deals with this **** to interveine. If you think she might off herself, you've pretty much been given information that makes you partly responsible if she does. If you don't know exactly how to help her (and I think it's obvious here that you don't), get someone who does. As in, specifically, a group that deals with suicidal people.

If you don't know how to help her and don't want to involve anyone with knowledge of the situation, the best you can do is to start praying to whatever religion you subscribe to.

[achtung]

IMO if at any point you start feeling depressed, stressed, or suicidal yourself get her some help from an organization or get here to a counselor and yourself as well.  Be careful to not let stress get youd down.  If at any point you start feeling overwhelmed to the point you don't believe there is any way to deal with it get proffesional help, it is nothing embarassing nor anything that will negatively affect your future.

Be sure to make sure she avoids drugs and other abusable substances (such as alcohol) because it only makes recovery much, MUCH harder!

I hope Iv'e helped a lil' bit

[NGTM-1R]

Just as a frame of reference, the vast majority of people who commit suicide don't give advanced notice. But I still wouldn't risk it.

[Whitelight]

I haven`t had any close friends die from suicide, but have had them die of other causes, which covers a large area. Since this has some distinctive simularities I felt it wise to answer..

One thing younger people seem to not understand is that once its over, its over... There is no comming back from death..

They sometimes don`t fully understand the consequences of the action of taking one`s life, but it should be explained to them.. Life has a lot to offer, even if it is not seen at the moment.

You want to talk to her then you must seperate yourself from your  personal feelings.. I know that is so hard to do in a time of crisis.. If you want to help her you have to do this, then words will come much easier..

(edit) Most important, if you believe and have faith in god, now would be a good time to ask for help, and pray for her.. I will pray for the both of you..

[an0n]

Take the girl.

Put her next-to the guy.

Walk away.

Watch them get all group-therapy on each other.

I could elaborate further, but helping someone - anyone - who has tried to commit suicide, indirect as this may be, goes against the grain with me.

[Unknown Target]

an0n, I doubt helping anyone other than yourself goes against the grain for you.
Anyway, I agree with the sentiments - just be there and be a good listener. That's usually the best medicine.

[kode]

Just as a frame of reference, the vast majority of people who commit suicide don't give advanced notice. But I still wouldn't risk it.

And most people has thought about doing it. I, for one, know I have. Oh, yeah, back in "junior high" a girl in my class hung herself the last week of school. Bummer, really, she didn't seem that depressed. Of course, most people never do, as you say.

And why the **** don't more people make it look like an accident? That way it'd be easier on the close ones.

[Charismatic]

Im trying but i have not got me and her talking sence, for a extended amount of time. She is either buzy or something where we cant personaly talk.

Im trying to be there, i was going to go over today, but she was gone with a friend for the day so this is my 2nd day away from her. And its killin me. My last images of her was the pain in her eyes, her crying her ass off, grief in the air.. and its all i can think about.

Today i did briefly chat with her. And by the sound of her voice she seemed just below  par (normal) so its gettin better. And it seems she came to terms that hes dead and not comeing back. I did get to answer another question i was unprepared to answer. Meh.

Conciously i dont think she will attempt to hert herself again; but the fact that she did once bounces in my subconcious and makes me think and fear she may Regardless. I definately wont hert myself (someone here suggested that.. i think).

Whitelight said

"You want to talk to her then you must seperate yourself from your  personal feelings.. I know that is so hard to do in a time of crisis.."

-Well when i was there, i tried my best to be strong for her, and infront of her. And i was. Later that night when home and alone i cried, but i was strong for her. Is this what you meant?

BlackDove said

"Ehhhhhhh I don't quite get that story. Why did/does she want to kill herself? Also who is the one that needs help here?"

-She tried to once, cauze of her pain; and said something like she had to do it too to.. take a part of him with her.. or some **** like that.
-Both. Lol. I need help cauze im like paranoid and think about her all the time. Need help on how to help her also.

Thanks everyone for ur input. No offence but screw the professionals. Lets just say i have a bias agienst them. Leave it at that.

God, lifes a *****. [/color]

[Janos]

Seriously.

1. Talk her about it. Don't dodge or avoid. If she cannot handle it then she's not worth your time.
2. If she's not willing, well, then, seriously, **** it and **** her. You don't have any responsibility if she doesn't have any either. It is not a one-way road - don't take too much pressures if there's no reason for you to do it. If you want to dedicate yourself or something and she doesn't give a ****, then don't give a ****.

[Geezer]

-
Thanks everyone for ur input. No offence but screw the professionals. Lets just say i have a bias agienst them. Leave it at that.

Yeah, but it's not about you, is it?  It's about helping your friend.  Do you want to live with the possible results of saying exactly the wrong thing to her?  Call the local suicide prevention hotline and tell them the situation - they can guide you a whole lot better than a bunch of computer geeks can. 

[an0n]

Not really.

The morons here are all either emo, god freaks or ****ed-in-the-head geeks.

And I advocate a simple "SNAP OUT OF IT!" approach to the situation.

Don't wallow. It's annoying and it only makes **** worse.

[Charismatic]

Geezer- Good point. I still resist tho.
Janos- You do have a point but i think you misread me. Its not a matter of she dont care or that she is avoiding me, its a simple 'wrong time' thing. We are close and she wouldent do that.
An0n- Emo? And il think about what u said, but if i do i need to be there but that dont seem to be hapening as of yet.

The funeral is sometime this week, and she asked me to go. I wonder how that will trun out. I fear the worst but. (Will be weird going to a funeral of someone i dont know in any relation.