[an0n]

For the love of Christ: Don't sleep with her after the funeral.

Seriously. I'll stab you in the heart if you do. It's the standard emo reaction to death and it ALWAYS ends up a ****ing train wreck.

At most, cuddle and ****. Because - not to put too much pressure on you or anything - there's the possibility that she'll take the swing-vote route and either: A) Idolize the dead guy for years to come via shrines and ****, B) Do as Peaches suggested and '**** the pain away'.

Cuddling signifies closeness and fends off emotional detachment while keeping her grounded in her established moral structure.....

[Charismatic]

 Uhhmmm.. she is not my gf. Were just close friends. So i wont be ****ing her after the funeral, or at all for that matter. (tho i wouldent min..) anyways.
Idolize through shrines? Where the hell do you live man?

Cuddling signifies closeness and fends off emotional detachment while keeping her grounded in her established moral structure.....

-I didnt understand that. Please resay or someone transilate that for me.[/color]

[vyper]

Basically if you hug her you give her comfort and intimacy but within the limits of friendship and nothing more.

That's not to say I agree with that statement, I'm merely trying to explain what he said.

[icespeed]

if she's already tried before and she just tried now, that sounds a bit of a pattern starting to set up. don't let her be alone, it's when you're alone that you can brood yourself into doing it; when other people are talking to you, even if you still feel depressed, at least you have to finish talking to them before you can do anything... and maybe by the time they've gone away you won't feel quite so much like doing it anymore. make her feel that she's wanted and needed by her friends and family, that she can't leave. professional people talking to you are all well and good, but what do they know of the situation? but if she looks seriously like doing it again don't risk it, take her to the hospital or something.

i guess the most important thing is just make sure she's not alone- you don't have to be there, as long as someone else is. take this from someone who knows.

i hope things turn out okay.

[Carl]

What do you do when everything crashes around you?

...be glad that it didn't crash on you?

[Charismatic]

 Vyper, i agree.
Icespeed, she has only tried once, no more. So its not a pattern. But if it dose become one be assured i will take appropiate action.
Carl, lol nice.

[achtung]

Can I ask something?

Where the **** are the parents in this?

[Nuclear1]

For the love of Christ: Don't sleep with her after the funeral.

Seriously. I'll stab you in the heart if you do. It's the standard emo reaction to death and it ALWAYS ends up a ****ing train wreck.

I'll have to agree with an0n here. When someone's in grief, never take advantage of them. Not ****ing ever. I see that you're not probably going to be one of those, but this mostly here just to be QFT.

[BlackDove]

Can I ask something?

Where the **** are the parents in this?

This isn't 1960. Today nobody gives a **** about you.

[WMCoolmon]

Charismatic - I think you need to step back. It sounds to me like you want her to need you, that is, you've taken wanting to help her to an extreme.

I would say that if you really are still concerned about her trying to hurt herself, figure out something you guys could do...not a date...but something that would be fun but would be easy enough to take a break from, so she wouldn't feel pressured to put on a face...ie not something with a big group of friends.

Of course you don't want to turn it into a date either.

Edit: Just to lob a guess here, I think if you went to a professional they would go through in order and: Have her talk about how she felt, establish why she felt like she needed to hurt herself, try and come up with things she could do instead if she felt that way again, come up with ideas for activities that might be therapeutic (ie join some local non-profit organization that helps people).

[Nix]

I've tried this, and it sucked about 3 years of my personal life away forever.  Turns out I was the one who needed therapy after all was said and done, because I put myself out there, and tried to help her with a similar problem.  It didnt help that it was mostly long distance, and that I was a gullible, sensitive little boy at the time.  (it happened when I was 16, i'm now 23)  All I can suggest really, is what Janos said.  It's a two-way street, and if she's dodging or avoiding you for some reason, and cannot face the problem at hand and discuss it, YOU shouldnt waste your time on her.  It's not worth the stress, mulling it over and over in your head, wanting to help someone in need that does not reciprocate. 

Feel free to ignore my post, but I just wanted to say, I kinda know how you feel, at least have an idea, and just what might happen at the end of it all.  You might try so hard to make things work, and even in the end, it still wont work out the way you'd like it to.  If it's not working out now, you might be better off letting it go right now, rather than later.

 

[Kosh]

This isn't 1960. Today nobody gives a **** about you.

Sad but true.


Just offer your help. If she turns it down then there isn't much you can do about it.

[kode]

(tho i wouldent min..)

and thusly you're not really her friend. you're just around her thinking you might have a possible shot off bedding her. which you don't.

[an0n]

I loved those guys at college.

Like all the ones who swarmed around my chum's short-time girlfriend (who I tricked him into asking out). She was like "Oh, I hang with these guys - but they're just my friends", and every time my buddy would hug or kiss her you could just see the jealous hatred burning behind their eyes.

Me laughing my ass off whenever it happened looked kinda creepy, as everyone assumed it was as a result of them showing affection, but I just couldn't help it.

[Charismatic]

(tho i wouldent min..)

and thusly you're not really her friend. you're just around her thinking you might have a possible shot off bedding her. which you don't.

---Yes i am her friend. Its just really confuzing now. Things have changed, meh. Im not hopeing for a shot at that.

I've tried this, and it sucked about 3 years of my personal life away forever. Turns out I was the one who needed therapy after all was said and done, because I put myself out there, and tried to help her with a similar problem. It didnt help that it was mostly long distance, and that I was a gullible, sensitive little boy at the time. (it happened when I was 16, i'm now 23) All I can suggest really, is what Janos said. It's a two-way street, and if she's dodging or avoiding you for some reason, and cannot face the problem at hand and discuss it, YOU shouldnt waste your time on her. It's not worth the stress, mulling it over and over in your head, wanting to help someone in need that does not reciprocate.

Feel free to ignore my post, but I just wanted to say, I kinda know how you feel, at least have an idea, and just what might happen at the end of it all. You might try so hard to make things work, and even in the end, it still wont work out the way you'd like it to. If it's not working out now, you might be better off letting it go right now, rather than later.

---She is able to face the subject now. Thank you. (no sarcasm meant)

Charismatic - I think you need to step back. It sounds to me like you want her to need you, that is, you've taken wanting to help her to an extreme.

I would say that if you really are still concerned about her trying to hurt herself, figure out something you guys could do...not a date...but something that would be fun but would be easy enough to take a break from, so she wouldn't feel pressured to put on a face...ie not something with a big group of friends.

Of course you don't want to turn it into a date either.

Edit: Just to lob a guess here, I think if you went to a professional they would go through in order and: Have her talk about how she felt, establish why she felt like she needed to hurt herself, try and come up with things she could do instead if she felt that way again, come up with ideas for activities that might be therapeutic (ie join some local non-profit organization that helps people).

---Tho reading this was very late; Very good observation. I honestly beleive i did take it to that extreme. Needing her to need me. And no im not planning to go out with her.

For the love of Christ: Don't sleep with her after the funeral.

Seriously. I'll stab you in the heart if you do. It's the standard emo reaction to death and it ALWAYS ends up a ****ing train wreck.

I'll have to agree with an0n here. When someone's in grief, never take advantage of them. Not ****ing ever. I see that you're not probably going to be one of those, but this mostly here just to be QFT.

---Im not takeing advantage of her. Wouldent dream of it.
Can I ask something?

Where the **** are the parents in this?

---Simple answer. Their not. There is no father present, and the mother 'cares' but dont seem to care that much. Yeah, no body gives a ****. Correct.


UPDATE::: Several weeks have passed. Everything is situated and stabalized. I no longer fear her herting herself. Everything is good. She is ok and made it through. Back to normal. Glad to see it too. Some thigns have changed, and i am uncertian if i like like her or not. Iv thought about it and decided not to. So im fighting my thoughts ATM. Meh. Plz dont give me crap about that (what i last said about the like word). Thanks for everyones comments and support. (Im fine emotionally too now, finally. Took forever. But i am.)[/color]

[kode]

---Yes i am her friend. Its just really confuzing now. Things have changed, meh. Im not hopeing for a shot at that.

so she's your friend, you wanna bang her, but you know that you're chanceless. I guess you're smrrter than I thought you were.

[Charismatic]

Lol. I wouldent word it like that but, ur on track anyways. I like her a little but im not going for it. Im not saying i dont have a chance, i just dont wana **** up our friendship. Were close friends.

[kode]

tip tho, get more friends.

[vyper]

And bang them?

[kode]

And bang them?

not what I was saying but well sure, why not.