Author Topic: OT - Rules of the Air  (Read 3708 times)

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Offline Thorn

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OT - Rules of the Air
Rules of the Air

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

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nobody knows i'm strange...

 
ROFLMFAO!!!

Anyone ever play Jane's WWII fighters?  Therre's some really good advice up there  
I told you that It would be done by November, well, mostly anyway...

I'm working on something new... shhhhh, it's a seceret.

 

Offline Nico

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Quote
Originally posted by Thorn:
Rules of the Air

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

Excepted if you're in an helicopter of course  
SCREW CANON!

 

Offline Thorn

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Quote
Originally posted by venom2506:
Excepted if you're in an helicopter of course  

 
Quote
Originally posted by Thorn:
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

 

Offline Crazy_Ivan80

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great humor, great rules.... start teaching them in flight-school  
It came from outer space! What? Dunno, but it's going back on the next flight!
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Offline Thorn

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Air Force "Squawks"


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."


 
   All those are very funny but completely true  

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Offline Gortef

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Habeeb it...

 

Offline Styxx

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Probably away. Contact through email.

 

Offline Anduril

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THAT was funny. Oh, man, I'll probably stop giggling in about five minutes or so.  


 

 
Are you kidding?  I'm still giggling about them  

Kinda embarressing when I'm in public though...      
I told you that It would be done by November, well, mostly anyway...

I'm working on something new... shhhhh, it's a seceret.

 

Offline Setekh

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 !!!

My family is looking at me funny, wondering I'm cracking up at the computer screen...  
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Offline NeoHunter

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Hahaha.......there's one thing I must say though.

Gravity is over rated.

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Offline Sandwich

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*tries to stop laughing long enough to type something*


*fails miserably*

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"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline Nico

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SCREW CANON!

 

Offline Night Hammer

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  LOL  
Stop... Hammertime :hammer:

 

Offline NeoHunter

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I think we got a winner for the Thread With The Most Laughter In The First Few Posts.

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Offline Nico

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Quote
Originally posted by NeoHunter:
I think we got a winner for the Thread With The Most Laughter In The First Few Posts.


Bah, I'm the winner of the thread with the most   smileys  
SCREW CANON!

 

Offline NeoHunter

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Quote
Originally posted by venom2506:
Bah, I'm the winner of the thread with the most   smileys  

[Tom Cruise's Voice]Show me the proof! Show me the proof![/Tom Cruise's Voice]



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Offline Nico

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SCREW CANON!