[Tyrian]

Good.  Keep us posted on what happens.

Good luck.  I know you'll get through it.

[Snail]

Things always start to get better.

[Bob-san]

Good luck and Godspeed.

[TrashMan]

No, you guys are great. I've done some things to probe into the situation and my chances of things turning out ok have drastically increased... to about 2%

Although still, the increase has left me feeling a little better and out of the domain for now, but it could sink again very easily.

I know i probably have quite a bit of life ahead of me. I'm 15. But when youre thinking like I did this morning, you lose sight of all rational things like that.

15 and you're allready on that train of thought?!
Where the hell do you live? Guantanamo? North Korea?...

No, seriously, try finding things that relax you, or simply learn to enjoy the simple things in life..
Take me for instance - I like to relax listening to classical music or playing with my dog.
And sometimes I feel practicly rejuvinated by taking a deep breath of fresh sea air.
Or simply standing with my eyes closed on a cold day (on a place where some sunrays burts forth)...
Or lying on the beach at night, gazing into the stars while listening to hte sounds of waves..

Just examples, but I hope you'll get what I mean. Hope things work out for you, and I bet they will.
When you're 15 your emotional state can be rather...chaotic...

[fsi.scsi]

15 and you're allready on that train of thought?!
Where the hell do you live? Guantanamo? North Korea?...

No, seriously, try finding things that relax you, or simply learn to enjoy the simple things in life..
Take me for instance - I like to relax listening to classical music or playing with my dog.
And sometimes I feel practicly rejuvinated by taking a deep breath of fresh sea air.
Or simply standing with my eyes closed on a cold day (on a place where some sunrays burts forth)...
Or lying on the beach at night, gazing into the stars while listening to hte sounds of waves..

Just examples, but I hope you'll get what I mean. Hope things work out for you, and I bet they will.
When you're 15 your emotional state can be rather...chaotic...

You'd be surprised at the numbers of kids 18 and under that have cut themselves, attempted to overdose, or otherwise physically harmed themselves - in the good old U.S.A.

Not to mention the emotional torture that many go through. 

Some people mentioned the topic of professional help.  I for one would caution against wholesalely plunging down this route.  While most people manning hotlines and such are kind and compassionate, more than a few are downright nasty. 

On a side note, one of the worst pieces of advice I ever got was to find a "vice" to get rid of my stress.  KappaWing, it's ultimately up to you to root through all the advice you get - not just on this forum but from your friends, family, confidants, whatever - and do what you think is right.

Good luck again.

[Mars]

Suicide and self harm seem to be intigrated in Western Society... I don't know anyone who can honestly say that the though hasn't crossed their minds

[KappaWing]

Right now I'm actually doing pretty good. Thinking reasonably again.

Things will most likely stay as they are, anxious, for 2-3 days. Then either I go back to my normal, non-depressed self (hell, i may be upright estatic), or i may sink back into the domain; All depending on what takes place. Its kind of a 50/50 chance as I see it now.

Once again, thank you for all the support guys. It really feels nice, once I get that perspective back and I'm out of an obsessive, single-minded mentality that I was in when I created this thread.

[Goober5000]

Good luck.  I know you'll get through it.

Psst.  When the topic is defenestration, don't say that!

[Bobboau]

when ever I contemplate suicide I just think of all the people who have wronged me, all the people who have abandoned me all the people who underestimated me and I realize that if I kill my self it's giveing up, it would be me forfeiting in the middle of the game, I'm not a quitter, and I'll be damned before I let those ****ers win, I'll show them I'll show them ALL!!!

then I have converted my depression into a dark rage, which I can then convert into potentially constructive energy(depending on your definition of 'constructive') or self esteem. and I usually end up make a new knife sword weapony type thing, or half heartedly trying to stalk people over the internet (never works out very well, most of the people I want to stalk don't seem to use the internet much and I'm too lazy to do real stalking, too much effort).

there's also the fact that I won't get to see the next eppisode of BSG or start treck or what ever show I happen to be into at the time.

[MatthewPapa]

when ever I contemplate suicide I just think of all the people who have wronged me, all the people who have abandoned me all the people who underestimated me and I realize that if I kill my self it's giveing up, it would be me forfeiting in the middle of the game, I'm not a quitter, and I'll be damned before I let those ****ers win, I'll show them I'll show them ALL!!!

then I have converted my depression into a dark rage, which I can then convert into potentially constructive energy(depending on your definition of 'constructive') or self esteem. and I usually end up make a new knife sword weapony type thing, or half heartedly trying to stalk people over the internet (never works out very well, most of the people I want to stalk don't seem to use the internet much and I'm too lazy to do real stalking, too much effort).

there's also the fact that I won't get to see the next eppisode of BSG or start treck or what ever show I happen to be into at the time.

Thats the way to do it . Utilize the energy you use thinking about it toward something else. You will be surprised what you can accomplish.


Irrational thought and fear is a dangerous thing. Just keep telling yourself that your fears are irrational (because its 99% likely they are).

to everyone but kappawing:
**please quit reading here if you have a tendancy to flame religious people

I dont know if you are religious, but praying has helped me tremendously during bad times. I have never considered something like suicide before, but i have had plenty of bad times and I know it is not a good feeling. You can feel helpless and lost. I don't care what people say about religion and god and how he doesnt exist. I know he does by what he has done for me. Just tell god your problems in prayer and about how overwhelmed you feel. Ask for a sign from god that he is with you and that things will get better and he WILL answer. It is weird how it works, but it does. It is one of God's promises. If you want some verses that would help you please PM me, I have loads of them.

[WeatherOp]

Thats the way to do it . Utilize the energy you use thinking about it toward something else. You will be surprised what you can accomplish.


Irrational thought and fear is a dangerous thing. Just keep telling yourself that your fears are irrational (because its 99% likely they are).

to everyone but kappawing:
**please quit reading here if you have a tendancy to flame religious people

I dont know if you are religious, but praying has helped me tremendously during bad times. I have never considered something like suicide before, but i have had plenty of bad times and I know it is not a good feeling. You can feel helpless and lost. I don't care what people say about religion and god and how he doesnt exist. I know he does by what he has done for me. Just tell god your problems in prayer and about how overwhelmed you feel. Ask for a sign from god that he is with you and that things will get better and he WILL answer. It is weird how it works, but it does. It is one of God's promises. If you want some verses that would help you please PM me, I have loads of them.

Well they can go ahead and flame me then.

When I go through hard times, I pull out my favorite verses.

9And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah?

 10And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.

 11And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:

 12And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

1st Kings 19:9-12

[KappaWing]

Bobboau: The first paragraph.... man that is one of the first things i thought about when i came back to my senses! My math teacher (I'm convinced) that hes determined to destroy me. I get A's and B's in every other subject, but I'm borderline failing his class, and math is supposedly my strong point. If i fail his class, i get kicked out of my school. (This has nothing to do with why i'm depressed, mind you) But i know i can beat him. I have to work my arse off but I can and will beat him. The problem is i just cant bring my mind to those things when I'm in suicidal obsessive mode.

Good luck.  I know you'll get through it.

Psst.  When the topic is defenestration, don't say that! :nervous:D

 
Thats... just great.

MatthewPapa:
Although I am not Christian, I deeply appreciate your perspective. A short time ago, someone from this very board offered to pray for me. I appreciated it, i needed all the help i could get back then regardless of my judgement of reliability, and i certainly had nothing to lose. So far things are getting better but I'm definatley not out of the mud yet. Right now all i can do is wait.

----- (the following is long winded and mostly pointless)

Just to give some backround, this is not the first time I felt this way. During the summer after 8th grade I was in an intense, prologed depression (had to be over 4 months). My summer vacation spot that I normally love did not provide the usual release, in fact it made me feel worse that I wasn't enjoying it, since thats pretty much what I go to school all year looking forward to. I was going through a relationship crisis, an identity crisis, and a self-esteem crisis all at once, (they were making each other worse) and none of them were going to relent any time soon. I just finished 3 hellish years of middle school, I didn't have any real freinds to talk to (well maybe 1, but he was not good with such things), and I felt my parents would just send me to a shrink. One night i went out in the garage, started the car, closed the garage door, and fell asleep in the car. A fully spirited but ignorant attempt at CO poisoning. (this was after doing no previous research whatsoever, just based on random hearsay from somewhere) When I woke up about 4 hours later (no effects at all) i was both dissapointed and relieved. At the time I didnt know if I was relieved that i did not kill myself or that my mom didnt find out, but my concious mind definatley wanted to be dead. Fortunatley for me, I had no firearms in the house and wasnt willing to ingest bleach, light myself on fire, or jump out of my (2nd story) window, or do anything i knew to be both painful and unreliable. That was near the end of summer. However, upon starting my new high school (which had none of the asshats from my old middle school, its kind of of a private school out of my district), things got MUCH better. I was in my element. (This is the same school that my math teacher is trying to kick me out of, why i'm so determined to beat him at his own game)

And on a final note:
If anyone flames MatthewPapa, I will personally Defenestratize them.

(only because hes hosting my mod! )
j/k j/k 

[Goober5000]

Thats... just great.

Excellent.

First rule of combatting depression: get the depressed to stop thinking about himself.  Second rule: get him laughing again.

[KappaWing]

Exactly.

Now all I have to do is wait. No input from me can change anything right now, thats a huge relief. I can laugh, I can relax, I can do whatever for a couple days at least.

[redsniper]

I think of suicide as the ultimate way to run from your problems. I won't pretend to understand your troubles; I've never had it so bad that I contemplated suicide, but I have had some rough times. My dad (and many others) have said that time heals all wounds. It's old hat and cliché but it's true. Even if your situation turns out for the worst, you'll hurt less the day after, and even less the week after, and years from now you'll still hurt, but not nearly as much. "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Glad to hear you're not running away.

[Mars]

I'm sorry... please don't call my friends cowards

[IceFire]

Phew...glad to hear things are better.  Life is a bit rough...going through my own rough patches myself...but I'm told that things get better.  You've got a fair number of years before things even start making any sense whatsoever.  I remember me at 15...things become in some ways much clearer by 20-21.  If you're worried about marks and studying and that sort of thing and if you've got the ability to pull it together...let me just say that absolutely you do and that things will get clearer as you get out of being a teenage.  I was honestly a very different person...I think there were some missing links inside of my brain that somehow came together at about 19...suddenly a much sharper person and far more focused and able to find my way through life.

Not to say that the bumpy parts won't be there...for you they will be different than for others but we've all "been there" one way or another.  Hang tight man.

[redsniper]

I'm sorry... please don't call my friends cowards

Sorry, I meant no offense. I'll edit my post.

[Ulala]

I think for a guaranteed painless death you'd need one of those super tranquilizers from Jurassic Park 2, the ones that Eddie Carr says "An antidote, like if you shoot yourself in the foot? Don't do that. You'd be dead before you even knew you had an accident." Probably fictional, and even if it's real, prolly not easy to get a hold of, of course. 

Seriously though, I've had hard times myself, and I'll admit I have considered suicide before. But then, I force myself to consider all the people (or even just one person, like my mom or sister) around me that I would wound so very deeply if I were to end my own life. I'm very glad to hear you're not considering such a selfish course of action anymore.

I know it's mega-cheesy-lame, especially since we're only fellow forumites, but I think as the community we are, we can be there for each other even in tough times. We're here for you man, just hang in there, things'll work out. 

[Bobboau]

I've heard drinking bleach isn't a very good suicide method, I talked to a girl who drank about a galon of it and all she got was minor heart burn.