Posts: 1, eh?
Muh-ha-ha-hah!
Gunnery Control, target The_Maestro. Begin plasma core insertion. Sensor lock aquired, commence firing sequence...
Welcome to the the HLP Forums. Exits are to the sides and rear. Don't plan on using them though, someone let the hosted projects put all their stuff in there so they're all but inaccessible. In the event of an emergency, flamethrowers are stowed under your seat but due to budget cuts, they are now filled with holy water. There are pulse rifles and assorted heavy weapons in the lockers up front; these can be opened only by admins, a
- god, or a hyper-intelligent shade of the color blue. These weapons are reserved for the Apocalypse, bad April Fools jokes, and the mention of eF eS thr33, in that order, so don't get your hopes up about using them. In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device, and you'll find a week's supply of Bosch Beer hidden inside. There's a 95% probability that the beer isn't actually beer, and no one is really sure why you'd need a flotation device in deep space, but hopefully these will provide some small comfort.
Feel free to get acquainted with the place while you're here, and do be careful when exploring the ventilation systems. If you encounter a large 5-limbed creature, don't panic. Just set down your lunch and back away very slowly. If you're lucky it will just be Carl, our resident shivan, who responds quite well to bribes of food. If it's not Carl, and it's in a good mood, at least your death should be quick and painless. If you're particularly unlucky though you might get dragged into a religion or politics thread, in which case may God have mercy on your soul.
