All things considered, I'm not sure where to go with my life either. I'm 21, in college for Computer Information Technology....and the only reason I'm doing it is that it's tolerable. One of the few areas I can manage to not be bored out of my mind or utterly uninterested, or utterly incompetent (I cannot do art to save my life).
So I do side projects. Draw out plans and specifications and such for prototype vehicles. Play tabletop RPGs. Build spudguns and custom airsoft cannons. Research nearly everything under the sun. Anything to burn off the ambition and creativity I have nothing to apply to. I constantly hear about living up to my potential...god am I ever sick of hearing that. Find me a damned way that I LIKE and I'll do it. Otherwise, screw off.
Who knows. Crazy stuff goes on in life, I've experienced more than my fair share. I want answers but no one knows and those who may know won't say. I feel like a starship with vectored thrust...with the thrust nozzles welded at 45 degrees down. Lots of energy, maybe could make a difference...but currently going in a hell of a lot of big circles.
I find it's best to just do what I truly enjoy - helping people, and creating things - on the side. Get by as best as I can manage, then go off and do what actually matters. Human society is pure distilled crap right now, so it doesn't truly matter. Maybe we'll manage to fix it, and then I'll be able to find something to do that I want to do. Until then...I've not much else to say on that.
Lucika, though, I really don't quite understand what you mean by not trusting yourself. But I will say that I'm pretty horribly lazy too. Also, yay, e-grouphug.
