[NGTM-1R]

Stop reading Hemmingway, for a start.

[Liberator]

Of course there's no real point. You're not gonna get some super special secret message about what you're supposed to do with your life. You're just supposed to find some way to occupy your time until you die. Keep yourself entertained. Hang out and chill. Et cetera.

Not helping at all....

[iamzack]

Fine, be uptight about it.

[Colonol Dekker]

Of course there's no real point. You're not gonna get some super special secret message about what you're supposed to do with your life. You're just supposed to find some way to occupy your time until you die. Keep yourself entertained. Hang out and chill. Et cetera.

Not helping at all....

 
She's the teenage girl wasting her time on a board she apparently has no interest in contentwise.
 
There's nothing wrong with not conforming to the stereotypical male. So long as your content and not beating yourself up about it.

[Liberator]

Fine, be uptight about it.

Apparently you haven't been paying attention, that's all I am.

[General Battuta]

Liberator, you are engaging in a phenomenon called learned helplessness.

[Liberator]

Liberator, you are engaging in a phenomenon called learned helplessness.

Batt, I think that's the shortest post I've ever seen you make.

[Colonol Dekker]

Learned helplessness is a conditioned response. It only kicks in after repeated failed attempts to reach a goal. I don't think it counts if no attempt has been made there's no conditioned response to back it up either... . . . 
This is more intraverse social reclusion.
 
But it's normal. Some people are just shy round the opposite gender or outside of their comfort zone. Fear is healthy in measured doses. It's never too late to test the waters of change though.

[NGTM-1R]

Better to fail epically than to accomplish nothing.

[Scotty]

Failing epically accomplishes nothing, more often than not.  Or more likely, accomplishes something in the negative direction.

[Liberator]

How would I get conditioned if I never felt like I had the right to do it in the first place.

[iamzack]

You don't need the right to do something, duh. Just do it.

[QuantumDelta]

Heh, talk about needing to shape up.
Nothing is irreversible and nothing is beyond reparation.


Plenty of 'us' have been to the bad place where only monsters lurk and we get gobbled up inside by the darkness, perhaps not on a longer term, but I'd wager most people go through it at least one time or another in their lives.

You learn that only you can change it and it wont change itself if you just mope around and resign yourself to it.
So to turn IAZ's advice on it's head, You aren't "special", not uniquely unlovable.
You aren't ordained or destined to be someone or (not) do something.
You have no rails guiding your life.
You're not trapped in a cycle that will never lead anywhere.

The moment you step up to task in any way shape or form you start to put together the world you want to live in.

Life really IS what you make of it, and you can come through anything with a little self belief.

Relax and be yourself some time, you'll find that people are very talkative if you talk to them too, and listen.

You don't even have to say that much during social interaction to be accepted, just listen and make them feel like you're being attentive(helps if you are), but it means taking a step outta the door, and doing something.

Getting a job can be part of that too.
See about what you CAN do, and start from there, leave the little bubble you've blown around yourself and expand your horizons.

Nothing will ever happen if you don't swing the bat.

You'll eventually find out (if you apply yourself) that men and women are really very similar, on almost all levels, and once you apply that to your conversations in mentality you will never have trouble dealing with women again.

[Rian]

Perhaps, perhaps not, but women don't want a thirtysomething with no job and no future as the potential father of her children.  They want someone who will be able to provide for them and they're offspring as well as aid in the raising of said.   They want winners, I am not now, nor have I ever been anything like a winner at anything.

Please remember that women aren’t robots. We’re not aliens. We’re not mindless breeding machines. We are, shockingly enough, people.

Think about it this way: say you’ve just met someone. You enjoy talking to her, she’s interested in some of the same things you are, and she’s reasonably attractive. Now imagine she feels the same way about you, and she asks you out. Are you going to make sure she’s fertile before you accept? Are you going to ask her where she works and how much she makes? Or are you going to go on the damn date and worry about that stuff after you’ve decided whether you even like her?

Most people don’t demand a résumé and references before entering a relationship. Maybe practical matters start to enter the equation when deciding whether to make a long-term commitment, but they’re going to be balanced against things like compatibility and mutual attraction and are not necessarily a deal-breaker in all circumstances. Maybe you can’t change your professional situation and so forth. But you can focus on being a good conversationalist, on being kind and responsive to other people’s needs, on being confident and positive and pleasant to spend time with. Those are things that are under your direct control, and they may carry you further than you think.

And some of us are perfectly capable of providing for ourselves, thanks.

[NGTM-1R]

Failing epically accomplishes nothing, more often than not.  Or more likely, accomplishes something in the negative direction.

But it does it with style, if that is its fate. Better to dare mighty things, to touch the fire even should it burn, than to shrink from it and forever wonder that perhaps you could have seized it...or forever believe you could not, when you might have.

[Liberator]

Perhaps, perhaps not, but women don't want a thirtysomething with no job and no future as the potential father of her children.  They want someone who will be able to provide for them and they're offspring as well as aid in the raising of said.   They want winners, I am not now, nor have I ever been anything like a winner at anything.

Please remember that women aren’t robots. We’re not aliens. We’re not mindless breeding machines. We are, shockingly enough, people.

Think about it this way: say you’ve just met someone. You enjoy talking to her, she’s interested in some of the same things you are, and she’s reasonably attractive. Now imagine she feels the same way about you, and she asks you out. Are you going to make sure she’s fertile before you accept? Are you going to ask her where she works and how much she makes? Or are you going to go on the damn date and worry about that stuff after you’ve decided whether you even like her?

Most people don’t demand a résumé and references before entering a relationship. Maybe practical matters start to enter the equation when deciding whether to make a long-term commitment, but they’re going to be balanced against things like compatibility and mutual attraction and are not necessarily a deal-breaker in all circumstances. Maybe you can’t change your professional situation and so forth. But you can focus on being a good conversationalist, on being kind and responsive to other people’s needs, on being confident and positive and pleasant to spend time with. Those are things that are under your direct control, and they may carry you further than you think.

And some of us are perfectly capable of providing for ourselves, thanks.

Perfectly aware that women aren't robots or breeding machines or whatever.  I just also know that no matter who it is, she can do better with any one of the 2.2 billion other males on the planet.

[General Battuta]

The only reason that's true is because you believe it's true.

[Flipside]

Out of interest Liberator, do you ever have events in your life where you feel completely the opposite to how you do now? I'm not talking about being sexually confident, but where you feel elated, full of energy and like you need nothing and no-one but yourself?

Because you are starting to sound to me, and please don't take this as any kind of dig or insult, as though you may be suffering from being bi-polar or depressive.

[Liberator]

Not really, no.  I mean I get happy on the rare occasion where I manage to do something and not royally **** it up.  Just today I said how nice it was when our harvester worked all day and we didn't have to shut down to fix something.

[Flipside]

I know that, for me, I can say or do something really bloody stupid, and then not realise for about 2 days that it was, and then spend years having the memory leap out and mug me.

I can be walking down the street and suddenly, for absolutely no reason, remember events from my past, things I've said or done in ignorance, and simply want to curl up into a ball and die. I still beat myself up over things I did 20 years ago, even though I know I would never do then now. I can write music and literally burst into tears whilst listening to the playback because of the emotions it invokes, that's given me trouble in the past, and tends to make me more or less abandon any kind of social life.

If Aldo or Wild Fragaria were here, they met me once, the only time I've ever met someone from either here or SG, and they met me when I was on the high point of the cycle, they'd be able to tell you that I'm not entirely in control at those points, fortunately for everyone, I try not to be around people on a low, but I'm sure if people searched through my posts, they'd be able to find at least a few that would hint at my emotional state at that point.

I'm just saying that this may go beyond simple self-esteem issues, and it may be relatively simple to do something about it if you are willing to talk to the right people about it.