Alright, let me try to figure out exactly what they're trying to do here...
Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
True fact: Jesus drove an F-250 Superduty and owned six shotguns, three handguns, and two AR-15's. He actually turned water into refreshingly smooth Budweiser and Coors, and every woman he "cast demons out of" HE ****ED 30 TIMES A MINUTE...
BUT THE LIBERALS FORGOT TO INCLUDE ALL THAT! THEY TURNED THE MESSIAH INTO A WATER-WALKING, WINE-DRINKING, HOMELESS, STREET-WALKING FRENCH PUSSY! REWRITE THAT ****!
Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level
I wonder how that conversation went...
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #1: Dude, this is the word of God, isn't it?
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #2: Yeah, of course it is. That's what the almighty Schlaffster taught us to believe.
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #1: Yeah yeah, I know. God made the whole world didn't he? It's a pretty complex world out there...
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #2: I don't get what you're trying to say...
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #1: I'm saying if God is that complex, why is the Bible so simply-written and easy to understand? We're not idiots!
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #2: Well, you see, back in the medieval times, not a lot of people were that educated, and Martin Luther's translation into Germ--
ANDREW_SCHLAFFY: AH HA! Martin Luther! SOUNDS LIKE NOTHING BUT A LIBERAL COMMIE PINKO TO ME! HOW DARE HE DUMB DOWN THE WORD OF GOD TO A 7th GRADE READING LEVEL! I DEMAND A REWRITE.
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #1/2: *uneasy glances at each other*
ANDREW_SCHLAFFY: WELL WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, ADMINS?!
CONSERVAPEDIA ADMIN #1: ...none of us here are above a 7th grade reading level, sir...
Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
So, how many people is that sit around in Gamblers Anonymous and say they got their start from "casting lots"? Probably the same ones who enter AA because of the communion wine. And of course, regarding the census, Conservapedia must take steps to abolish the obvious census fraud perpetrated by POMEGRANATE, the progenitor to ACORN.
Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
Alright, first three words: Accept the Logic.
This whole project just fell apart.
Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
...right. Like the Parable of the Good Investment Firm.
Or Jesus condemning cap and trade.
Or the part where Jesus gave the food to the rich and just let the bread and fish trickle down.
Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
Y'know, stories about mercy and forgiveness, and all that stuff. That's gotta go.
Credit Open-Mindedness
This must be a typo.
Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."
This is easily the wordiest sentence on the whole page.