[IceFire]

To make a long and sometimes personal story short I wanted to ask a few relationship questions because I'm confused and I've exhausted talking to people that I know in person.  So maybe it would be a good idea to get a broader audience of folks like you that I kind of know... but not really

So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started.  If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there.  Kinda driving me nuts.  Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.

[Colonol Dekker]

I find when I spend far too much time early on in a relationship, it gets old fast.
 
Whether it's her or me that floors the gas, it just burns out quickly, within a matter of weeks. By far too much time I mean nearly constantly, get up, meet up. Spend every spare moment together doing things I don't want to. You get the idea.
 
 
Finding I balance early on and keeping to it in order to allow the natural tempo to take over but being mindful of when it's getting too much is the key to allowing it to last past the six month mark.
 
 
That dodgy singer Pink summed it up with 'Give me a chance to miss you.'
 
Cheesy but true.
 
 
This public service announcement has bed bought to you by me.

[Blue Lion]

I don't think we've had a good streak with relationship threads

[iamzack]

I demand attention from Turambar approximately every twenty minutes each day.

[Janos]

I demand attention from Turambar approximately every twenty minutes each day.

what

you too

you *****

[karajorma]

So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started.  If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there.  Kinda driving me nuts.  Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.

I quote this cause it shows a common mistake men make when talking about this sort of thing. We know you want her Icefire, but what does she want? You haven't said. So at best we have half the equation. If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her.

If she isn't, then you should back off. I agree with Dekker when he says that going too fast at the start can make a relationship fizzle out as soon as it isn't new. And that goes doubly so if only one person is doing all the pushing.

[Nuclear1]

Stick it in her pooper
...

I don't think we've had a good streak with relationship threads

Seriously though...Kara's spot on.

[jdjtcagle]

With my wife I only got to see her once or twice a week since she lived an hour away when we started dating. I think it strengthened our relationship, it was hard but it all worked out in the end.  We still talked on the phone every night and not being able to see each other made it that much sweeter when we actually got too. It allowed us to become good friends without a lot of physical contact and that is how she became my "best" friend which in turn caused the marriage.

So it has potential to work out in the end just be patient and make every moment count. Also God bless cellphones ;-P

EDIT: also Kara said it quite beautifully; "If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her."

[IceFire]

So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started.  If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there.  Kinda driving me nuts.  Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.

I quote this cause it shows a common mistake men make when talking about this sort of thing. We know you want her Icefire, but what does she want? You haven't said. So at best we have half the equation. If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her.

If she isn't, then you should back off. I agree with Dekker when he says that going too fast at the start can make a relationship fizzle out as soon as it isn't new. And that goes doubly so if only one person is doing all the pushing.

Good thoughts...this does help me think.  She gets upset when I back off but she can't really seem to pull it together.  Legitimately there's some horrible stuff happening in her life at times... I doubt she knows what she wants anymore. I'm over simplifying the whole thing but I guess what I want to know is what is "normal" knowing full well that there is no such thing as normal.  But I have so little actual experience so I have to ask others.

In retrospect I should have dated more in the past

[iamzack]

"Normal" is what feels comfortable.

Unfortunately, the same thing might not feel comfortable to both parties, in which case you pretty much have to compromise until you are both relatively satisfied.

If that's not possible, then it might not be in your best interests to drag it out for too much longer..

If you're happy and she's happy, you are doing it right.

[General Battuta]

Be confident, be funny, and don't dwell on unhappy things for too long. Don't put yourself down, and turn the conversation to her where possible.

[iamzack]

Also hang out in irc and don't do anything Turambar does ever.

[MP-Ryan]

"Normal" is what feels comfortable.

She has a point.  There is no such thing as a "normal" relationship ; every one is unique, and comparing yours to anyone else's is a good way to ruin it.

[NGTM-1R]

This public service announcement has bed bought to you by me.

Why are you buying Icefire beds?

[Nuke]

should i lock it now, or wait till it devolves into an emo slicefest

[Colonol Dekker]

I vote wait.
That could change though...

[IceFire]

should i lock it now, or wait till it devolves into an emo slicefest

I'll lock it if it goes that way

So far it's proven useful to me (maybe to others) so the point is being served.  Even iamzack had some words of wisdom

[Colonol Dekker]

One of the signs in the doomsday book surely?

[Androgeos Exeunt]

Hey, even iamzack makes a good point once in a while.

[Kosh]

So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started.  If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there.  Kinda driving me nuts.  Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.

I quote this cause it shows a common mistake men make when talking about this sort of thing. We know you want her Icefire, but what does she want? You haven't said. So at best we have half the equation. If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her.

If she isn't, then you should back off. I agree with Dekker when he says that going too fast at the start can make a relationship fizzle out as soon as it isn't new. And that goes doubly so if only one person is doing all the pushing.

Good thoughts...this does help me think.  She gets upset when I back off but she can't really seem to pull it together.  Legitimately there's some horrible stuff happening in her life at times... I doubt she knows what she wants anymore. I'm over simplifying the whole thing but I guess what I want to know is what is "normal" knowing full well that there is no such thing as normal.  But I have so little actual experience so I have to ask others.

In retrospect I should have dated more in the past

What is normal? Nothing. If she has crap she's working through, help her as much as you can (or as much as she will allow), but remember there is a limit to what you can do. She has to get er head screwed on straight, you can't do that for her. Just be there when she needs it (or wants it).