A simple solution to this conundrum!
To ALL pilots and crew: How do you deal with the knowledge that, with every ship destroyed, you are directly responsible or aiding in the deaths of sentient creatures ranging from one to a few thousand?
What about you, Crystal? You have possibly the highest bodycount, ranging in the thousands. Does it ever keep you up at night, knowing you silenced the voices of so many, only to hear their screams as they're engulfed in fire, whenever you close your eyes?
I'd imagine that it's different when commanding a warship, each crewmember sharing at least a little of the blame. But you? You pulled the trigger yourself. That must be a hefty burden to carry for the next few centuries, how do you cope with it?