[The E]

Okay, as those of you who have turned on a TV or radio will probably know, today was a royal wedding thingy in London.

Now, as these things are commonly known to be boring as ****, let's switch channels to a parallel universe where this happened:

REUTERS 1139 BST: EXPLOSION AT WESTMINSTER ABBEY
Scenes of confusion surround Westminster Abbey today after an explosion ripped through the Lady Chapel, engulfing the royal wedding party in a rain of masonry and debris.

There are reports of a rocket trail seen moments before the explosion ...




REUTERS 1147 BST: EXPLOSION AT WESTMINSTER ABBEY: "METEORITE TO BLAME"

The devastating explosion that ripped through Westminster Abbey less than an hour ago is confirmed to be a meteorite. The 10 meter object was tracked on radar by National Air Traffic Service (NATS) prior to impact. According to Project Spaceguard it was considered to be of low significance, Official sources say terrorism is not involved.

Rescue workers and police are frantically searching the scene of the disaster for survivors, but the surviving south wall of the abbey is believed to be unstable and could collapse at any moment.

The meteor left a burning trail across the sky and was seen as far away as Bristol before disintegrating. Smaller fragments landed in central London, severely damaging the Queen Elizabeth II Conference Centre and the Supreme Court buildings. The largest fragment, believed to weigh over ten tons, tore through the wall of Lady Chapel at high speed and shattered two stone buttresses, partially collapsing the roof. Television footage showed the royal wedding party and guests engulfed in fragments.

Unconfirmed reports are coming in that bodies recovered so far include those of former Prime Minister Sir John Major, Maid of honour Pippa Middleton, Sir Elton John, and the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Other famous meteorite impacts include New Orleans (Louisiana, 2003), Tunguska (Siberia, 1908), Chicxulub (Yucatán Peninsula, Mexico, 65 million BC) ...




REUTERS 1206 BST: EXPLOSION AT WESTMINSTER ABBEY: LATEST UPDATE

It has been confirmed that William Hague (Foreign Secretary), Justine Thornton (fianceé of Labour Party Leader Ed Milliband), and Sheikha Mozah of Qatar have been pronounced dead at the scene.

Stones are falling from the buttresses of the South Door tower, and it is expected to collapse imminently.

More bodies have been recovered.


OUTCOME:

At T + 48 hours, the scale of the disaster is apparent: with the exception of a former Australian Olympic swimmer and a television comedian, everyone on the royal guest list is dead (along with over 700 onlookers, well-wishers, tourists, and emergency service workers crushed to death when the towers of the Abbey finally collapsed).

What are the consequences?

Over to you!

Original Source: http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2011/04/making-news.html#more

[JCDNWarrior]

Yeah, the whole marriage is a big PR thing anyway. I can't say I would oppose to hear such news as you delivered from the alternate reality

[General Battuta]

Yeah, the whole marriage is a big PR thing anyway. I can't say I would oppose to hear such news as you delivered from the alternate reality

YOU ENDORSE THE DEATH OF ELTON JOHN D:

[MR_T3D]

Yeah, the whole marriage is a big PR thing anyway. I can't say I would oppose to hear such news as you delivered from the alternate reality

YOU ENDORSE THE DEATH OF ELTON JOHN D:

but he also endorsed renewing firefly for season 9.

[StarSlayer]

I think that the outcome will be that the meteor is in fact a cylinder carrying heat ray wielding tripod fighting machines.  They will proceed to incinerate the city of London with a chorus of deafening howls that roar like thunder "ULLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

[0rph3u5]

When was the last time any (non-fictional) monrachy deserved attention? - January 21st 1793!

[PsychoLandlord]

Sir Elton John

ELTON JOHN NOOOOOO

Obvious consequence is the Martian Invasion. It's time to see how a Challenger II stands up to a heat ray.

[Mongoose]

This seems like an...odd thing to write up.

[Unknown Target]

Honestly, what I find a bit strange is how much attention the American media is paying attention to it.

[Mongoose]

It's a big event from an international standpoint, and there are a lot of Americans who are very interested in it.  It sort of makes sense.

[Kopachris]

Huh.  Well, that's nice.

CNN 7:23 EDT: The Royal Wedding - Update

It has been released that the Royal Wedding was crashed by a meteorite, with only two survivors.  Reports are coming in from all across America of people committing suicide due to the tragic news.

(Source: me)

[Pred the Penguin]

I knew something fishy was happening...

[Nemesis6]

Wait, so this DOESN'T have anything to do with Denmark? Then why on earth is this on the news? I thought the reason for the extensive coverage of this whole wedding thing was because it had some relation to us, and all this time I've been so very confused because none of the names seemed to be Danish. Oh well.

Lol @ the Brits for continuing to undermine their neo-democracy the same way we do it; by foisting a monarchy on the people. We truly are similar! Cheers or something to that effect.

[Unknown Target]

I found this just now;



From: http://history.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/04/29/funny-pictures-history-would-be-disappoint/


I have no opinion on it other than I thought it was relevant to the discussion at hand.

[Rodo]

That's good.

[Snail]

Jeremy Clarkson becomes prime minister.

[Unknown Target]

The UK is saved by the automobile. Jeremy Clarkson speaks to a dozen microphones, pushed to his face;

[BlueFlames]

This seems like an...odd thing to write up.

You seem more willing than I to mince words about it, so....

It seems like a pretty dickish thing to write up to me.  The British monarchy is the single, most prominant thread unifying eleven-hundred years of English history, and here we have a collection of posts wishing to see the royal family reduced to ash or dismissed with an image macro.  Cute.  You can argue that the royal wedding was an anachronism and an overplayed spectacle, and I certainly won't deny it, but this thread is just about the most distasteful way to make those complaints that I can imagine.

[Nemesis6]

Well, that's the beauty of the internet, really -- Here, people who wear funny hats and sit on thrones are major targets for whatever quip people can come up with, be it childish, witty, unfounded, or just plain weird.

[Unknown Target]

Yea, honestly in the end that's all they are, don't you think? They're people who have managed to keep a single lineage running for a very long time. Harkening back a bit to Europe questing for the "perfect ruler"?

Do you guys still do that anymore? Why do you keep this thing going? You do nothing but pay them money to be happy...it seems to me like that should be an elected office. Maybe that's a good use for a politician; running to get the community to pay for his family's happiness.