As a dedicated carnivore, let me reassure you that no, I have not gone insane. I have found a way to make broccoli as awesome as the Blue Planet campaigns.
Vegetarians...might not wish to read any further.
Mix up some crab stuffing. Take a couple slices of bread, send them through the food processor, along with two or three teaspoons or so of sliced up green onions. After turning that into onion-bread-shards, mix in a half-pound of lump crab meat. Then an egg, and a fair amount of mayonnaise (add it slowly, so it doesn't get too greasy). Then, just season it to flavor. I put some red pepper, garlic, soy sauce, parmesian cheese, and a little lemon juice in it.
Take some fresh broccoli bundles and chop off the tops. Leave about an inch to an inch and a half of stem - it makes things easier. You may want to chop up the rest of the stems, but personally, I prefer just the florets.
Start with the larger pieces of broccoli, and pack the crab stuffing in around the base of the florets, shaping the broccoli-stuffing mass into a rough sphere. Then, take a piece of bacon, and wrap it around the spheroid of broccoli-stuffing mass. Try and cover it completely with the bacon (don't worry, it's not the end of the world if you can't do it). Take a toothpick, and stab it through the end of the bacon, through the stalk of the broccoli, and through to the other side. Make sure your hands/fingers are not in the way when you do this. Especially large ones may require a second toothpick. This is largely to get it to survive cooking intact.
Eventually, you will run out of crab stuffing. At this point, take the remaining bacon and broccoli, and just repeat the procedure, skipping the crab stuffing. The crab stuffing is the difference between 'great' and 'monumentally awesome'. For smaller pieces, cut the bacon, and use a half-strip. It would surprise you how stretchy bacon is.
Once you have all the broccoli-oids assembled, crank up the grill. Yes, these get grilled, not boiled or steamed. (Oven would be theoretically possible, but much more difficult.) If the grill has a top rack, just put them up there, crank the temperature on the grill up, and check them periodically. They're done when the bacon turns a nice, deep, golden brown color. If you don't have a top rack for the grill, just put them on the grate, at a medium-low temperature, and roll them around frequently.
Take the toothpicks out, and enjoy!
Oh, an important note. Do this with center-cut bacon. It is less fatty, is healthier, still has a great flavor...and I really don't know how using other kinds of bacon would work. Also note that when you first begin cooking it, it will smell like the apocalypse, so don't get discouraged.
