Author Topic: Rule 34 Freespace  (Read 27372 times)

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Offline T-LoW

  • 28
  • Planet Earth is blue and theres nothing left to do
    • German Freespace-Galaxy
... what do I see there? :wtf:
The german Freespace-Galaxy

"There was a time before we were born. If someone asks this is where I'll be."

  

Offline BloodEagle

  • 210
  • Bleeding Paradox!
    • Steam
What has been seen, cannot be unseen.

 

Offline Droid803

  • Trusted poster of legit stuff
  • 213
  • /人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕ 人\ Do you want to be a Magical Girl?
    • Skype
    • Steam
I think that is what we found last time.
(´・ω・`)
=============================================================

 

Offline sigtau

  • 29
  • unfortunate technical art assclown
my last post was the best post I have ever made on hlp
Who uses forum signatures anymore?

 

Offline NGTM-1R

  • I reject your reality and substitute my own
  • 213
  • Syndral Active. 0410.
my last post was the best post I have ever made on hlp

Agreed.
"Load sabot. Target Zaku, direct front!"

A Feddie Story

 
My brain craves a strong bleaching now.
17:37:02   Quanto: I want to have sexual intercourse with every space elf in existence
17:37:11   SpardaSon21: even the males?
17:37:22   Quanto: its not gay if its an elf

[21:51] <@Droid803> I now realize
[21:51] <@Droid803> this will be SLIIIIIGHTLY awkward
[21:51] <@Droid803> as this rich psychic girl will now be tsundere for a loli.
[21:51] <@Droid803> OH WELLL.

See what you're missing in #WoD and #Fsquest?

[07:57:32] <Caiaphas> inspired by HerraTohtori i built a supermaneuverable plane in ksp
[07:57:43] <Caiaphas> i just killed my pilots with a high-g maneuver
[07:58:19] <Caiaphas> apparently people can't take 20 gees for 5 continuous seconds
[08:00:11] <Caiaphas> the plane however performed admirably, and only crashed because it no longer had any guidance systems

 

Offline watsisname

In my world of sleepers, everything will be erased.
I'll be your religion, your only endless ideal.
Slowly we crawl in the dark.
Swallowed by the seductive night.

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

  • HLP is my mistress
  • Moderator
  • 213
  • Aken Tigh Dekker- you've probably heard me
    • My old squad sub-domain



This one genuinely disturbs me.


I half expected pages of Simms / Laporté fanfic by now tbh.
Campaigns I've added my distinctiveness to-
- Blue Planet: Battle Captains
-Battle of Neptune
-Between the Ashes 2
-Blue planet: Age of Aquarius
-FOTG?
-Inferno R1
-Ribos: The aftermath / -Retreat from Deneb
-Sol: A History
-TBP EACW teaser
-Earth Brakiri war
-TBP Fortune Hunters (I think?)
-TBP Relic
-Trancsend (Possibly?)
-Uncharted Territory
-Vassagos Dirge
-War Machine
(Others lost to the mists of time and no discernible audit trail)

Your friendly Orestes tactical controller.

Secret bomb God.
That one time I got permabanned and got to read who was being bitxhy about me :p....
GO GO DEKKER RANGERSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
President of the Scooby Doo Model Appreciation Society
The only good Zod is a dead Zod
NEWGROUNDS COMEDY GOLD, UPDATED DAILY
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Offline Deadly in a Shadow

  • 29
  • Buntu!
What about Misuzu x Crystal?
"Ka-BOOOOOOOOM!!!!"
"Uh, Sir we can hear the explosion."
"No you can't, there is no air in space. Sound can't travel through a vacuum!"

 
I seem to recall something about nude vasudans?
Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above, would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky!

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

  • HLP is my mistress
  • Moderator
  • 213
  • Aken Tigh Dekker- you've probably heard me
    • My old squad sub-domain
Well i've never seen one wearing Trousers in Canon.
Campaigns I've added my distinctiveness to-
- Blue Planet: Battle Captains
-Battle of Neptune
-Between the Ashes 2
-Blue planet: Age of Aquarius
-FOTG?
-Inferno R1
-Ribos: The aftermath / -Retreat from Deneb
-Sol: A History
-TBP EACW teaser
-Earth Brakiri war
-TBP Fortune Hunters (I think?)
-TBP Relic
-Trancsend (Possibly?)
-Uncharted Territory
-Vassagos Dirge
-War Machine
(Others lost to the mists of time and no discernible audit trail)

Your friendly Orestes tactical controller.

Secret bomb God.
That one time I got permabanned and got to read who was being bitxhy about me :p....
GO GO DEKKER RANGERSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
President of the Scooby Doo Model Appreciation Society
The only good Zod is a dead Zod
NEWGROUNDS COMEDY GOLD, UPDATED DAILY
http://badges.steamprofile.com/profile/default/steam/76561198011784807.png

 

Offline sigtau

  • 29
  • unfortunate technical art assclown
Is this thread seriously turning into a Rule 34 contest?
Who uses forum signatures anymore?

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

  • HLP is my mistress
  • Moderator
  • 213
  • Aken Tigh Dekker- you've probably heard me
    • My old squad sub-domain
I'll curb it if it gets OTT. :nono:
Campaigns I've added my distinctiveness to-
- Blue Planet: Battle Captains
-Battle of Neptune
-Between the Ashes 2
-Blue planet: Age of Aquarius
-FOTG?
-Inferno R1
-Ribos: The aftermath / -Retreat from Deneb
-Sol: A History
-TBP EACW teaser
-Earth Brakiri war
-TBP Fortune Hunters (I think?)
-TBP Relic
-Trancsend (Possibly?)
-Uncharted Territory
-Vassagos Dirge
-War Machine
(Others lost to the mists of time and no discernible audit trail)

Your friendly Orestes tactical controller.

Secret bomb God.
That one time I got permabanned and got to read who was being bitxhy about me :p....
GO GO DEKKER RANGERSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
President of the Scooby Doo Model Appreciation Society
The only good Zod is a dead Zod
NEWGROUNDS COMEDY GOLD, UPDATED DAILY
http://badges.steamprofile.com/profile/default/steam/76561198011784807.png

 

Offline Luis Dias

  • 211
Is this thread seriously turning into a Rule 34 contest?

The OP was actually asking for it, wasn't he?

 
Courtesy of http://elffetish.com/instaslash.html. I ctrl+h'd the gender pronouns and didn't proofread very carefully, so there's no doubt something dumb in there.


True Love by Fate

It was a dark and stormy night. An unnatural haze lingered over UED Solaris. In her bed, Noemi Laporte shivered. For a summer night, the air was cold and the sky was black. It was almost as if something evil lurked out there in the shadows.

Noemi Laporte rolled over, clutching her pillow, and tried to fall back asleep. But a worry nagged in the back of her mind. Something was not right. No matter how she tried, some ghostly force prevented her from sleeping. It made her uneasy. With a sigh, she rolled out of bed, pulled on her flightsuit, and poured herself a cup of water from the pitcher on her nightstand. Quietly, she left her room.

The halls were silent as she walked in the dark. She did not know where she was going, or why, but her body seemed to move on its own accord. She was being drawn by an unseen power. Past her uncle's bedroom, past the dining hall, past the briefing room, and out onto the terrace. With the moon hidden behind thick clouds, it was nearly impossible to see in the inky black night. But something lying on the path to Noemi Laporte's right made her gasp in shock. A body!

'Sweet Fortune!' Noemi Laporte shouted. She leapt over the terrace railing and onto the ground below, running toward the fallen form as fast as she could. Tree branches scratched at her skin and pulled at her clothes, but she paid them no mind. Heart pounding, she fell to her knees on the pathway and placed a gentle hand on the figure's back.

Now that she was closer, she could see that this was a young Martian of UEFg Indus, a Captain by the looks of her, who appeared to be no more than 3.14159 years old. But she was in dire need of help. Her clothes were torn and bloody, and her hair was matted with carbon scoring MADE OF PEOPLE. She needed the attention of a healer, immediately. Without a second thought, Noemi Laporte picked up the wounded Captain and, cradling her in her arms, carried her inside to seek the help that was so desperately needed.

*****

'Her situation is severe,' Manuel Brie said in a worried voice. 'Whether or not she will live until morning is beyond my sight. My team of healers will do the best they can, but...' her voice trailed off.

Noemi Laporte could sense his fear. There was a good chance the young Martian might die. 'Is there anything I can do to help?' she asked.

Manuel Brie sadly shook his head. 'Nothing the healers are not already trying. But it might help if you just sat with her. She will need to see a friendly face when she wakes up from this ordeal, and you are the closest thing she has right now.'

'I understand,' said Noemi Laporte. 'And I will stay with her for as long as it takes. I will not let her die.'

With that, Noemi Laporte turned and hurried to the room where the wounded Captain was being housed. She was surrounded by healers, all of whom wore the same concerned expression. They had washed her body and dressed her wounds with healing salve, but still the Martian showed no signs of improvement. Her breathing was shallow, and her pulse was weak. One of the healers turned to Noemi Laporte with a defeated sigh.

'It will be an uphill battle,' she said. 'We have done all we can at this time. Now, we can only wait and see if she wakes.'

Noemi Laporte nodded resolutely. 'I will stay with her through the night and keep watch as she sleeps.'

One by one, the healers left the bedside, the last one closing the door behind her. In the flickering candle light, Noemi Laporte dipped a square of cloth in the bowl of warm water left by the healers, and gently used it to stroke the injured Martian's chest. Then, taking up the Captain's limp hand, she settled into her bedside chair and prepared to wait through the remainder of the long, cold night.

*****

'Where... where am I?'

Noemi Laporte jerked awake with a start when she heard the words being spoken. She stared down at her patient, an immense wave of relief coursing through her body. The Martian was alive! And from the looks of things, she was on her way to making a full recovery.

'You are in UED Solaris,' Noemi Laporte told her. 'I found you last night, lying unconscious and nearly dead on a path coming from the forest. I carried you inside, and my uncle's healers tended to your wounds. Please, tell me your name and how you came to be here.'

'My name is Lorna Simms,' said the Martian. 'I come from UEFg Indus. I was on an errand from my father, to deliver an important message to Admiral Steele in Delta Serpentis. But last night... All I remember is that I was riding through the forest when suddenly I was attacked by a group of Tevs. At least 4 surrounded me. I tried to escape, but there were so many, and I had only my Slammer for protection. And that is the last thing I recall. I do not know how I came to be here, or why I am not dead.'

Noemi Laporte smiled at her. 'The stars must shine favourably on you. To live through such an ordeal... that is more than mere luck.' It was more than luck, too, that Lorna Simms had wound up in UED Solaris and Noemi Laporte had found her. Now that they two were together, it felt almost like fate had lent a hand. Lorna Simms was meant to be here, and Noemi Laporte was meant to have found her. Why, Noemi Laporte did not know. But it felt so certain.

It also did not hurt that Lorna Simms was one of the most beautiful individuals Noemi Laporte had ever seen. Her sleek Mars red hair contrasted with large, dark black eyes set in a lovely face. And her sculpted body, half-hidden by the bed linens, was a further attraction. Noemi Laporte could hardly suppress her desire to run her hands over that soft hair and perfect body. But she kept her feelings under control. Lorna Simms had just barely survived a nearly fatal encounter. Now was not the time for romance.

*****

Within three days, Lorna Simms had improved enough to leave her bed. Manuel Brie gave her a new set of clothes, and she was able to wander the corridors and gardens by herself. But the one thing that troubled her was Noemi Laporte's absence. Since the morning when she'd first awoken in UED Solaris, she had not seen Noemi Laporte at all. It was as if her rescuer had simply disappeared. She had asked Manuel Brie where his neice could be, but Manuel Brie had no answer. Noemi Laporte was gone without a trace.

Lorna Simms desired to speak with Noemi Laporte again, and properly thank her for saving her life. But she also just wanted to see the handsome Earthling once more. She could not explain it, but she felt a deep connection to Noemi Laporte, either forged by the lifesaving bond or some other power. She knew that Noemi Laporte was someone special. Someone she had to see again.

It wasn't until the sixth day after Lorna Simms had recovered that Noemi Laporte returned to UED Solaris. She rode up the same path where Lorna Simms had been found, dragging a net filled with the heads of Tevs behind her. All 4 of them.

'Here are your Tevs!' she called to Lorna Simms. 'I found them hiding out in a cave not far from here.'

Lorna Simms stared in surprise, eyes going wide. 'You killed... all of them by yourself?'

'I cannot let such dangerous creatures roam free in our lands,' Noemi Laporte replied. 'And I did it for you. They nearly killed you. I do not want anything like that to happen again.'

Lorna Simms could feel her heart pounding as Noemi Laporte spoke. Noemi Laporte killed those Tevs... for her. Before she could stop himself, she leapt at Noemi Laporte and threw her arms around her neck, kissing the brave Earthling on the neck.

Noemi Laporte laughed in surprise, but did not pull away. 'What was that for?'

'Just a thank you,' Lorna Simms said. She smiled, but when she saw the suddenly serious look in Noemi Laporte's eyes, the smile faded. 'What is wrong?' she asked, worried.

'Lorna Simms,' said Noemi Laporte, 'I have to confess something to you. That first morning you were here... I thought you were so beautiful. I wanted to kiss you then, but I did not know how you would react.

Lorna Simms gasped in shock. 'Kiss... me?'

'I told myself I must not, because of the terrible ordeal you had just suffered. It was not the right time. But these past few days while I was gone, I could think only of you the entire time. And now...'

'Noemi Laporte...' Lorna Simms sighed her name. 'I thought about you too. All the time, while you were gone. I was worried I would never see you again.'

Noemi Laporte lifted her hand to gently stroke Lorna Simms on the cheek. 'I am sorry I ran off like that. I should have said something to you.'

Taking a deep breath, Lorna Simms said, 'Noemi Laporte, there is something I have been considering over the past several days. I think we were meant to find each other. What happened to me... it was no accident of fate. I was meant to come here. You were meant to rescue me.'

A bright smile broke across Noemi Laporte's face as soon as Lorna Simms had spoken. 'You know,' she said, 'I had been thinking the same thing! That night when I found you I had been worried an unable to think. Some strange power led me out to the terrace, and that was when I saw you.'

Lorna Simms took Noemi Laporte's hand. 'So you think... we are meant to be together?'

'I have no doubt of it.' Slowly, Noemi Laporte leaned in and kissed Lorna Simms softly on the lips. 'I love you,' she whispered.

'I love you too, Noemi Laporte,' Lorna Simms whispered in return.

THE END!

 

Offline sigtau

  • 29
  • unfortunate technical art assclown
Who uses forum signatures anymore?

 

Offline Janos

  • A *really* weird sheep
  • 28
i like pictures
lol wtf

 

Offline Goober5000

  • HLP Loremaster
  • 214
    • Goober5000 Productions
And now we know how to find Janos.  Just as posting Derek Smart's name summons our favorite FS3 developer, posting a Rule 34 thread summons our favorite weird sheep.

In other news, sigtau gets a week off for turning the allusion into the explicit.  Really, you guys need to keep in mind the use/mention distinction.

By the way, I thought Rule 34 was already in full force for FreeSpace, just as Kolgena says, thanks to Cindy McLaren and Miss Vasuda Prime 2332.

 

Offline Mongoose

  • Rikki-Tikki-Tavi
  • Global Moderator
  • 212
  • This brain for rent.
    • Steam
    • Something
You gave him a week off for that?  It was so low-res that I could barely tell what was going on in it. :p

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

  • HLP is my mistress
  • Moderator
  • 213
  • Aken Tigh Dekker- you've probably heard me
    • My old squad sub-domain
Yeah, it looked like a blue/purple mass to me. Could've been an Eva crossed witha quad bike in my opinion.
Campaigns I've added my distinctiveness to-
- Blue Planet: Battle Captains
-Battle of Neptune
-Between the Ashes 2
-Blue planet: Age of Aquarius
-FOTG?
-Inferno R1
-Ribos: The aftermath / -Retreat from Deneb
-Sol: A History
-TBP EACW teaser
-Earth Brakiri war
-TBP Fortune Hunters (I think?)
-TBP Relic
-Trancsend (Possibly?)
-Uncharted Territory
-Vassagos Dirge
-War Machine
(Others lost to the mists of time and no discernible audit trail)

Your friendly Orestes tactical controller.

Secret bomb God.
That one time I got permabanned and got to read who was being bitxhy about me :p....
GO GO DEKKER RANGERSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
President of the Scooby Doo Model Appreciation Society
The only good Zod is a dead Zod
NEWGROUNDS COMEDY GOLD, UPDATED DAILY
http://badges.steamprofile.com/profile/default/steam/76561198011784807.png