[Volyren Nightsong]

yeah i was noodling around online and located this recipe.  i thought it was hilarious, and its a serious recipe, so i gave it a shot, and man, it is awesome. better even than those crumb topped ones that you can buy premade (cuz those are awesome.)
of course this jerk (i apologize for offending jerks everywhere) probably copied it from somewhere and just added his pointless crap to it, but the real "meat" of this pie is in the postings at the bottom of the recipe. some of it is silly, but using a little brain power, you can see which ingredients to IGNORE (if you cant, then you really need help. and if you manage to make it as it is listed you seriously need to be thrown in gitmo....NO PRAYER MAT FOR YOU!!) but seriously, i will paste it as it was posted, it really gave me a chuckle, but is an honest, yummy recipe.
Warning to easily offended people, this particular guy (child?)  has a foul mouth. i will attempt to put the posts in a spoiler section (not sure how to do that particular tag) so if it doesnt come up right, i apologize, but given the subject matter, i feel its appropriate to point out my ability to edit the post later. (read it, you will get the joke)


User: "NUKE9999" posts [My Mammy's Nuclear Apple Pie!] [-07:44 GMT-6/14/10]

Note: Pastry for 2 crusts (recipe below)

8 cups sliced, peeled assorted baking apples - about 3 lbs. (Granny Smith, Cortland, Jonathan)
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
3/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 Kg plutonium 232 [in slug form]
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
5 Kg uranium core [spherical honeycomb]
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 Tablespoons butter
Internal barrel (diameter of slug -0.023mm, non rifled)
1 egg yolk
non shock sensitive explosive equal in energy release to between 500 to 650 lbs of tri-nitro toluene (c4 wurx gud, chekk my other recipes!)
[Recipe Question-20:17 GMT-6/16/10-by User: DarthGarth69] "waht is the trinitro tolly stuff?"
[Recipe Edited-13:28 GMT-6/17/10-by User: NUKE9999] "DarthGarth how stoopid is yuu? yuu not pass sceince class? it’s TNT you FOO! U juss gawt pooned, yuu stoopid  mutha [*!*!*!*!*!*] dam son, yuu gotta B dum as a [*!*!*!*!*!*] brikk!"
{User: SysAdmin - User "NUKE9999" Please refrain from using foul language. Further innapropriate behaviour will result in possible ban }
1 Tablespoon milk
Directions:
1. In a large bowl, toss the sliced apples with lemon juice.
2. Combine sugars, flour, cinnamon and nutmeg; add to apples and toss well to coat.
3. Fill pastry lined 9 inch bomb casing with apple mixture. Dot with butter.
then hammer the slug in the uranium ball and put it in the middle of teh pie
4. Place second crust on top of pie filling, cut slits in top of crust to vent. Seal the edges of the crust with a fork or by hand.
5. In a small bowl, beat the egg yolk and milk. beat it like rodnee king. Brush mixture over top crust.
6. Bake at 425 degrees F for 15 minutes in nuclear reactor
7. Reduce heat to 350 degrees F and bake 40-45 minutes more or until crust is golden and filling is glowing green.
Flaky Pastry Pie Crust Recipe
Makes two 9-inch pie crusts
Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, chilled and diced
1/2 cup ice water
Directions:
1. Combine the flour and salt in a large bowl.
2. Cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
3. Stir in the ice water, a Tablespoon at a time, until the crust mixture forms a ball.
4. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 4 hours or overnight.
5. Sprinkle flour onto rolling surface. Roll dough out, then divide in half. Roll each half to fit a 9-inch pie plate.
6. Place crust in pie plate, pressing evenly into the bottom and sides.


To ask a question about this recipe, please select the "Question" option and select the step you wish to ask the original poster about. Select the "Answer" option to offer help to any questions in the above recipe. Answered questions will be moved to the "Recipe FAQ" section of this page. Leave the "Response Type" field blank to leave feedback or discuss the above recipe.
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Spoiler:

[Recipe Comment-08:03 GMT-6/14/10-by User: NUKE9999] me meemaws pie. roffelzez if u try, u have glowin poopz, foo!
[Recipe Comment-13:31 GMT-6/17/10-by User: NUKE9999] gawd dam stoopid as.s auto filter cant gitt around shiite ha, foo! if you aint sunni yuu aint shiite. IRAQ gud for sumpin beaches! need to mayk shirt that sez that. sell in mideest git lotza moneez!
[Recipe Comment-09:54 GMT-6/18/10-by User: DarthGarth69] and im sure your mother is proud of you. you have such a grasp of grammer. and you realize that the filter is there to stop idiots like you, right? they update the different spellings constantly. so keep it up , you...howd you put it? FOO? you sound too young to know who mr t is. and he would definately pity you. i know i do.
[Recipe Comment-15:28 GMT-6/18/10-by User: NUKE9999] fug yu dumas.s i mayk mrt my beach. stoopid filter made by peepels lyke yu. i can spelz cirkulz arownd itt and nevur gitt cawt. and if yu downt buhleev me, then yu can do lyke yo mamma did last night and likk my fuglin as.s yuu ghei little [*!*!*!*!*!*] likkur!
{User: SysAdmin - User "NUKE9999" Please refrain from using foul language. Further innapropriate behaviour will result in PERMANENT ban }
[Recipe Comment-15:29 GMT-6/18/10-by User: NUKE9999] whut? i caynt say [*!*!*!*!*!*] i mean seeriusslee? its a femail bodee part not a durtee wurd. np, darth i hurd yo mamma tattood my name on hers. see how i get around filtur? yu r idiot, and wurse, yuu r idoiot with slu.t mama who gotz my naym tatted on both of her [*!*!*!*!*!*] lipz like a gud littel beach. maybe i let yu cleen her up when i git dunn. rules are for virjinz lyke yu. reel men brake em, an downt git cawt. jus like yu didint cawt mee when i blew that fat load in yo mammyz [*!*!*!*!*!*] last nyte. go ahed, tell on mee. i erase this with edit b4 yu git admin tu look at itt. i see yu online now. i kno yu see this. get all madz cuz i been pumpin yo beach mama's [*!*!*!*!*!*]. and yu nevR git me bannd, cuz i edit and i kno how to git around stoopid filtur so i kan tell yu whut i did to yo mammy. i git yo granny next. rinkels r hawt. sagbuubz turrn me on, that why i lyke yo mama. go ahed git admin whiny boy. i edit while i bang yo mammy [*!*!*!*!*!*] agin. it be gone before i git band cuz i jus 2 dam smartz 4 u.
{User: SysAdmin - User "NUKE9999"'s account has been BANNED; An E-mail has been sent to *********@comcast.net. If this is not your address, or you wish to discuss the reasons for your accounts BANNED status, please contact the site administrator in the "Support" section of the site.}

[Recipe Comment-15:36 GMT-6/18/10-by User: DarthGarth69] Surely good sir, your superior intellect far exceeds that of my own. (admins please please dont prune this, please! i think that i was born just to see that. please dont erase. maybe save this somewhere. then we can say 'i have proof god exists. really its true. still don't beleive? let me show this recipe to you" ROFL. might wanna lock comments though. he probably is making new account now. we should leave this AS IS. its just too perfect.

[Recipe Comment-16:12 GMT-6/18/10-by User: *ADMIN*PsycoChefFoisGras] He can try. Bans are done by the users IP address. And comcast is a cable internet service provider. Cable internet connections use a "static" or permanent IP addy. He will have to get a new ISP to get around the ban, and I think DJGrannySmith added a script that reads your computer name a few months back. So he will need a new computer and a new service provider. He won't be back. I will have to ask DJGran about this. I dont know if he will want this to stay up. My advice would be to copy/paste into notepad if you want to save this.

[Recipe Comment-16:17 GMT-6/18/10-by User: DarthGarth69] thanks. but for real. seriously, like, 'nuff said. PROOF. GOD. EXISTS.

[TOPIC ACTION **TOPIC_LOCK** -16:21 GMT-6/18/10-by User: *ADMIN*PsycoChefFoisGras]

dude. i loved the bit about "if you aint sunni, you aint shiite" i mean, it might be dark humor, but i give the moron credit for that one. that shirt WOULD sell like hotcakes. 
anywho, there you go goober, i searched it out on a whim and after about 5 pages of results i find this gem. might not be word for word what i said, but its just too funny not to post. that and dont want to waste another 20 minutes of my life looking up something just for giggles. (unless i am looking for stuff to make me giggle. its just such a treat to find one without looking. probably used up my entire years worth of luck finding that. should have bought a lotto ticket. )

[Nuke]

heres my pie recipee

Crust:

1 1/2 c. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. shortening
4-5 tbsp. water, cold

Filling:

7 apples, peeled, cored and sliced thin
1/2 c. sugar
3/4 tsp. cinnamon

Topping:

1/3 c. sugar
3/4 c. flour
6 tbsp. butter

step 1: if you cant figure out how to make a pie with this stuff, get a shotgun and put a deer slug through your face.
step 2: 400 degrees for 40 minutes

[AnArKiSsEd]

Why you post this? The point is not hides in pie recipe. It is easy visible. Code in recipe makes no sense. Is code in dark box? How do i see it?
do not you need cobalt in reason
I'm confusing at you list of barrel for plutonium slug not is in recipe while is both radioactives
in code box?
tnt is not for use is unstable reaction fail as in c4 cuggestion. Compound in ammount to high as well need other part.
maybe is speech problems we have like in box with face (how to use black in box with face?)
i am not understand why here is posted bomb in fruit dessert.
missing steps and component. Can find instruction online in other webs about atomic missile with no pie code so hard to understanding.
Why write on site with game?
too confusing i am when other site show bomb picture and book instructions.
you use old style bomb fixed also as in hiroshima
ssecret is not this anymore know you nitesong
volryen is sound polish person maybe?
too confusing. Should please not type  bomb in lie with black box to hide. Pie is american apple right?
service secret policemen take you to gulag for the obama if try make pie bomb.
then you pie gets bomb in prison by big man with small name tthen toothbrush stab in your eye.
You think is joke not american humor funny.
you is please stop typing of pie,ok?
or is I'm not understands?

[Volyren Nightsong]

lol.
yeah, we got off topic on a question i had asked and i made the comment that most posts go off topic in forums within like 4 or 5 posts. i said only on the net could you look up a pie recipe and learn how to make a nuclear bomb. then goober challenged me to find such a post. 4 search engines and 20 minutes of my life i will never get back, here we are.

EDIT: umm... dude? seriously?  W to tha T to tha F? i just posted this, saw nuke's reply and before i can type 4 lines i get the good old "people have posted since you last viewed forum" schtick. and that has to be one of the worst translations ive ever seen.
umm.... im almost not liking what i think you are asking me, but just for jollies, let me put it to you in the (half?)language you seem to understand "America own you stupid man boy. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO HARD-LIGHT!"

FURTHER EDIT: i hope this guy knows that this is supposed to be funny. i mean, honestly, he cant NOT understand about the spoiler box, right?
and on another, NON CREEPY AS HELL point, the reason for this post's existence is here (near what is currently the bottom of the topic [page 1])
http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php?topic=77463.new

[Nuke]

and who the **** is this nuke wannabe? it sure as hell aint me.

[NGTM-1R]

Somebody check IP, I smell an alt.

[Flipside]

Looks like someone used Babel to translate to another language and back again..

To quote Eddie Izzard

"Always cook pie at Gas Mark 3.14159..."

[Volyren Nightsong]

trust me nuke, i know it wasnt you. you actually know how to spell. this was the most epic fail i have seen. i had to share. it was even more sweet since goober dared me to back up my analogy, and it turned out to be like 95% true. i saw thae anarkist on when i was, but was gone after i edited my post. i was wondering if it was goober, maybe messing with me, since that was the whole point of the post, but if it was him, you think he would have already claimed his victory. what got me was the quick post. i even checked to make sure it wasnt the fiancee messing with me (since i told her about the post, and she has a laugh at it too.) but i have the only internet capable phone in the house and it was next to me, not to mention she fell asleep watching tv. we dont have any other internet access points. im not sure if this forum is phpbb or something similar, but at least back when i ran my site at smuzz.com for the RIN (Rage Intelligence Network)/Wolfpack Guild i had to learn all the ins and outs of the phpbb style forum. installing mods/games was a nightmare. the arcade was the only easy thing to add on, but before i start rambling, the point was, i dont remember a function allowing for ip tracking. i do recall wishing i had one, as we were struck by hackers twice. (i think it was the same guy) and that would have been a wonderful tool to use. of course this might not be phpbb based, and its been 6 years since i managed smuzz.com or the guild (no specific game, mostly we tried to MAKE games. or contribute to gamefaqs as our mission goal.)
ive just had a seriously wierd day, and it didnt stop when i hopped online here. im completely exhausted, and if ya want to look into mr. allyourbase by all means, it will be interesting to see who it was.
later

[The E]

Rule one of HLP. Never underestimate your fellow posters.
Rule two. Never tempt Goober.
Rule three. Paranoia is a waste of time.
Rule four. Rambling on and on is not a valid form of communication among the non-rambling-insane set mostly found here.

NOTE: Rules may not apply everywhere. No guarantee given for rule accuracy. All rules may be made up on the spot.

[Nuke]

im totally mental and i still try to keep my paragraphs under 5 lines
mind you i have a 1080p monitor and keep my font size at 12

[MP-Ryan]

What the hell is going on with the posting around here lately?

[Flipside]

I think there must be a new keyboard on the market where you can either have no Shift key, or have the Space Bar randomly link to the Return key...

[Jeff Vader]

Rule four. Rambling on and on is not a valid form of communication among the non-rambling-insane set mostly found here.

Yeah. Only Picard is entitled to ramble on about something everyone knows.

[Herra Tohtori]

Yeah. Only Picard is entitled to ramble on about something everyone knows.

Technically, this should cover all captains.

Alas, I'm but a mere 2nd Lt... so no rambling for me.

[StarSlayer]

"‎'Cuz if you show me a sweet potato pie, I am on top of it."

[Jeff Vader]

Yeah. Only Picard is entitled to ramble on about something everyone knows.

Technically, this should cover all captains.

I must agree with this assessment.

[Timerlane]

What if you just keep talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one has a chance to interrupt?

[Scotty]

A period and the end of a sentence is not required to interrupt someone.

[Goober5000]

this was the most epic fail i have seen. i had to share. it was even more sweet since goober dared me to back up my analogy, and it turned out to be like 95% true.

Indeed.  Don't forget that admins can compare IP addresses.

In other news, last week* I was reading about the atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Fat Man and Little Boy.  Little Boy's design wasn't actually tested before it was dropped, but the design was so simple it was pretty much guaranteed to work: take two blocks of radioactive uranium that aren't massive enough to go critical and shoot them together to form one block that is.  Fat Man, on the other hand, used plutonium, which is a bit stubborn and won't produce an effective explosion if you just mash two masses together.  So what they did for Fat Man was take a ball of plutonium and create a perfectly symmetrical explosion on all sides of it so that the sphere would be compressed enough to increase its density high enough to go critical.  This was a fairly ingenious detonation mechanism, but due to the complexity it was decided to conduct a test first.  This was the Trinity test, which was the first man-made nuclear explosion in history, making Hiroshima and Nagasaki the second and third.

*True story; I really was reading about this last week.

nuke: grr, thought that was the quote button, my bad

[Snail]

Isn't that how most nukes work? Making "the stuff" go critical by compressing it?