You can think it like this:
OpenGL 4 = DirectX 11
OpenGL 3 = DirectX 10
OpenGL 2 = DirectX 9
FSO currently supports OpenGL 2 and 3. Naturally newer GPU's work too. NVIDIA generally has had more robust OpenGL support than AMD. AMD has had more bugs and has been slower to implement OpenGL specs into their drivers. That said, most of the time AMD is fine too.
As for performance, all but perhaps the lowest-tier GPU's (read: cheapest) should be more than fine to run FSO. If it is DirectX 11 capable GPU, I'd strongly suspect even cheapest discrete GPU's can run FSO without too many problems. Usually it's the old pre-DX10 cards that have performance issues and of course integrated GPU's. By integrated I mean those that are either integrated into the motherboard or CPU, in other words no separate video card.
I've never had SLI or CrossFire, but I believe it requires driver level support for a game to work in SLI or CrossFire mode. There might be ways to force it on, but I honestly don't know how well it would work. Most people believe you're better off investing into one good GPU, instead of two mediocre GPU's in SLI/CrossFire. Of course, if you have money to burn then you can get two good GPU's and use SLI/CrossFire where supported.
FSO does have some multi-thread elements but vast majority of the game is still running on single thread, including all the performance intensive parts. This naturally means that FSO favors CPU's with high single-thread performance (read: all Intel Core family CPU's, but AMD is totally fine too).
Memory usage is entirely dependent on how what mods you are running. Vanilla FSO, mediavps, Blue Planet, Diaspora, Wings of Dawn, etc all use different amounts of memory all entirely dependent on their assets. But like you said, FSO is 32-bit application and thus cannot exceed limitations of 2GB. Should application be compiled to be large address aware, it would then support 3GB on 32-bit OS and 4GB on 64-bit OS. I do not know whether FSO has been compiled with that enabled or not.