[Lepanto]

Nice to know this LP is still alive.

My accuracy left something to be desired back there. 

[Gortef]

Rhyme In Peace soldier.
Sadly you just weren't fast enough this time.

[deathfun]

Incoming transmission from the Council!

The hell do they want? It's still another few days before our evaluation...

So that we may speak with him?

I'm starting to think we're being led by some shady people

"Alright, my hair has been fixed so lets get this show on the road... hey wait... where is everyone?"
"Looks like it's you and I Gortina"
"What about us? Aren't we important?"
"Sure sure Allen, sure sure"
"...I think we're fodder"




"Looks simple enough, straight cut through the alleyway bringing us to extraction"
"Snipers, rooftops"
"Hope this grappling hook doesn't mess up my outfit"



"Shut up, jesus don't you know we're being hunted right now?"
"I AM NOT A TRAITOR DAMMIT"
"Anyone have the stun gun?"
"Thin men!"



"Gortina, you've got on on your roof"
"I know, I've got no eyes"
"Coming to assist"



"Got more than just thin men out there"
"Incoming!"


"Took a hit but I'll be fine... time to get nice and close"



"Helluva pistol shot"
"He's good for a stun"


"Do these ****ing things even work?!"
"Keep pushing up!"





"Could use some backup in the record building!"
"We're all a bit preoccupied, hold as long as you can"
"Rooftop across from the VIP!"




"That's a miss in the laundromat"


"I'm two against one here"
"****, someone get in there when they can!"
"Bugging out... who's got the medpacks?"




"Can't hit a damned thing in here"
"Anyone notice how most of these machines are still running? Who the hell has the time to wash **** here during an alien ****ing invasion"
"Chinese people apparently"
"Either that or this has been the longest wash cycle ever"


"I've got eyes on priority target"


"He's down"
"That's why we've got two snipers!"




"They've got Animaze!"
"****ing... acid... WHERE IS... MY SUPPORT"



"I... hate thin... men"
"Holotargeting"






"**** YOU"


"Tentacle monsters belong in my hentai collection ONLY"
"I'm not going to ask"


"Can no one hit this ****er?"
"I can"


"Lizard eyes... is targeting me... here!"
"We've got support in bound!"
"****!"


"Allen? ALLEN!"
"Well **** now I feel bad about earlier"



"Go to hell you bastard!"


"I've got you Gortina"




"Can't get away from me"

Big Sky here... we've got proximity alerts off our tail, you've got enemies blockading your approach, over

"Copy that"


"Got one in my sights, he's not going far"



"For Allen"


"Here they come"



"Looks like you could use some Tums"
"...Don't say it"
"Antacid for your acid?"
"You disappoint me"



"Three additional tangos in the restaurant"


"Rooftop guy is mine"



"Sorry, the restaurant is currently closed for service!"



"Seems they're insisted on getting some food"
"God damned acid... ruining my makeup"



"I'm bugging out"


"Fine, have some hot... er... lasers?"
"Would work better if we shot lead"




"Why the hell do we even bother?"
"Finishing him"


"I'm on the roof, engaging"



"Flesh wound, nothing I can't heal"


"Keep your head down"



"Grappling"



"Thank engineering for this fantastic development"
"Not over yet squad"



"**** this"


"Bad idea!"
"You ****ing idiot"



"Get to the chopper!"
"It's a pla-... nevermind, just go"


"**** do you never shut up? Lawyer this, rights that..."

[deathfun]

I love the smell of information in the morning

Looks like Guy is ready to be extracted

Send the team, small footprint

"These mother****ers don't ever give up do they"
"I'll be happy when I get to crush their skulls in"
"Well that's... vivid"
"They want to shoot me they can, I'll shoot back after I get off!"




"Guy, we are southeast of your position, how copy over?"
"Reading you loud and clear, lets get this done and get out. I'll probably die regardless"


"Blargher, keep posted here for our exit. Rest of us move up and meet up with Guy"


"Contacts by the relay!"


"Sure I'll run into the middle of the, not like they can shoot!"
"But they can still throw grenades!"




"I regret nothing"
"You grenade me? I GRENADE YOU"



"Relay hacked, moving to you guys"
"Lets get the hell out of here"



"Got some dropping in by Big Sky"



"Blow me mother****ers!"
"Guy has reached Big Sky, lets not waste any more time here"



"See you scrubs!"

[Gortef]

Oh looked like the washing program of my clothes was almost ready. That particular cleaner does a good and thorough job, they also send the clean clothes straight to base in a beautiful box.

Poor Allen though...

That extraction mission on the other hand was fast as heck.

[deathfun]

So... I'm not entirely sure, but I our scopes have been clear for a while now

AUTOPSY TIIIIIIIME

I think that just about does it. What else can we pass the time with?

MECS!

Who is our first volunteer?

We still have Hobbies brain?

You... are you serious?

Glorious... GLORIOUS. LIIIIIIIIIIIVE. LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE

Not Frakenstein in the sleightest

We'd be chopping off soldier's arms and legs and putting them in basically a meld suit interfaced with their nervous system

...Touche

Oh hey a UFO

Abductions popping up on scopes

Send a team! Finally some action

"Sunshine lollipops and... rainbows everything that's wonderful is what I feel when, we're together!"
"Morris, please shutup"
"Time to cleanup this mess"
"Oh hey Direwolf, long time no see"
"Had to tactically retreat to the Inner Sphere that is the medbay for a while"
"And Scotty too!"
"Yeah, I'm here. Got your backs on this one"
"I am also here! FOR AMERICA!"
"...We're based in Africa Patriot, how many damned times do we need to say this"





"This is an abduction, shouldn't have much in the way of aliens to dispatch"
"Keep the stun guns ready"
"Remind me again why we even bother with these useless ass things anyhow"



"Contact, three o'clock!"


"That's a negative hit! Damn this 9/8 rating"




"Thin man is mine"



"Odinsphere is doing well for you today"
"Damn right it is"
"I've got you Dire!"


"Damn, no shrapnel in my face"
"Hold up guys... we've got some big fellas on their way"



"Sectoid support with the Mechtoids!"
"I hate that duo"
"Crossing"
"**** man, that's a risk!"



"And it hilariously worked. Also, why do you have a battle rifle?"
"Uh... forgot to grab a laser one from the arsenal"



"Why don't you have an autolaser!"
"...Same reason" ^{I legitimately forgot to equip it to them}


"Sectoid down and I didn't even have to do anything fancy"
"Putting fire on the heavies"




"They're on the move!"
"This is probably gonna hurt"



"****! They got Mr. Clean!"
"Now who the hell is going to clean the bathrooms in the barracks!?"
"Going to be... a ****ty situation"
"**** off"


"OH YEAH FEEL THE BURN **** YEAH"
"Mongoose... I think we need an intervention"
"Disabling one of their weapons"



"This is Scotty, I'm moving in to take out the sectoid"



"Everyone take aim and take these guys out"







"Good job everyone"
"Could've been better. Seriously, at this rate of unit loss we'll need to recruit"

[deathfun]

Another UFO on our scopes

That's a big one... call off Phantom, we don't need to send her to her death on this one

Looks like it's heading just North of us

Abductor Class

Get the team ready

"Resuming leadership role"
"Hey Trash, did you take out the trash?"
"You're still here aren't you Animaze?"
"He got you"
"Let's get some mother****ers, new Gauss weapons!"
"Probably going to die in the process"
"Guy, could you step a bit further away from me? You're ruining my pink vibe. You too Blargher"





"Seems like we'll be using vehicles as cover for the next little while"
"What're the odds the aliens will talk this over with a couple brews in that there pub?"
"Why don't you go pour a pint and ask"



"Do robots drink?"
"What a good question, go ask!"
"That your default Animaze?"
"Tentacles incoming"




"Damn mother****er, that was overkill!"


"Dead and gone"
"Or blown up, as it were"
"Keep it tight"



"Mother****er ain't got nothing on gauss!"
"I like the accuracy of the laser though"


"Nice shot Trash"



"Oh good I haven't died... yet"



"You good Phantom?"
"Yeah, armour is gone to **** though"



"Cheers Animaze"
"Don't mention it"







"Damn those things take a beating"
"Which is why we have more guns than it does"


"Stay fabulous NGTM"
"I always do!"
"Tentacles are still around, hold your ground"



"One"


"Two"


"They have a hardon for you, jesus"


"Bad place for him at any rate"
"Solid work crew"
"Enemies eliminated, proceeding to extraction"

[deathfun]

How many large ones are we going to come across in a span of a couple months?

I have a feeling it'll only get worse

"So Hu, how's it feel being a part of XCOM?"
"I get to murder ****"
"Swell answer"
"Lots of medics on this job"
"Affirmative. I can do no harm to humans, therefore I cannot allow them to come harm"
"I'm going to die anyways"
"You say that everytime Guy, and everytime you come back alive"





"Boots on ground, keep it clean and lets get this over with"


"No contacts on initial, moving towards bridge"


"Nothing inside"
"Floaters!"


"Eh, whatever"





"More out there"





"Argh, ****, that one hurt a little"
"Something is moving out there"



"Let me patch you up there"
"Cheers miss, moving up"



"One up top, taking him out"


"Good shot dart"
"Whatever, lucky"



"Another one down"
"Lots of movement"



"One behind us"
"****ing his ****ty ass up"


"I'm up top, nice little vantage point up here"


"We've pissed off the big guys"
"Pick your target wisely here. Herd them and wipe them out"



"Good hits, keep it up"



"Oh god, OH GOD"
"GUY, KEEP IT TOGETHER"






"Big man down"
"Still that other one"
"He's on the move!"



"Floaters are backing up"
"Someone please shoot this red bastard beside me"



"YEAH, TAKE THAT YOU COMMUNIST BASTARD"
"Didn't you say they were fascist before?"
"What? No, never, they're reds"


"Good riddance, that took far too long"
"Firing away"


"Pushing the line here"
"Affirmative on action, proceeding to point"
"We'll all die in this tunnel"
"Not me, I have the power of 'Murica behind me!"




"Looks like they're retreating somewhat"
"I... don't think that's retreating"


"That's ****ing regrouping"
"**** us"



"We've got more Mutons incoming!"



"Captain?"
"Situation dire, tactical retreat may be required"
"**** that Droid, we stand our ground"
"Chain of Command means jack**** here doesn't it"


"Um... guys?"
"We've all got problems here!"


"They're ****ing everywhere!"
"Stay focused on the big ones"
"I disagree. Flashing out!"


"Good call myte!"





"This is nearly as bad as when the Clans started to invade!"



"****"
"Where did that come from?"
"Outsider! Big one!"
"****"






"Sentinel has been terminated"
"Put more fire on the beserkers!"




"OH GOD THE BIG MAN DOESN'T LIKE ME"
"Seriously? Again Dert?"



"SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!?"
"Trash, calm down, no one has the stone cold grip on killing aliens like you do"



"Floater is still kicking!"





"We've gotta pull back a bit"
"Agreed"



"YOU ****ING **** **** YOU IN THE ****ING FACE AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
"Jesus Dart"
"Nade out"





"Keep it together people!"


"Easier said than done!"




"This is getting very bad"
"We've got this"





"****ing more of them!"
"Nothing I hate more than aliens... is more ****ing aliens"
"Isn't that the same thing Trash..."






"Big man on the move"


"Backing up here! Oh the humanity, I have to retreat"




"Just nailing that guy to a post there Trash"
"I've got the finish from up here"


"Good show Wolf"
"He's got nothing on my Medium Laser"
"You have a shotgun..."
"Shut up, trying to make a reference here"



"Screw you guys, I'm going home"



"Returning fire!"



"Grappling across and moving into position"



"Man down!"
"Vitals are reading as operational, medical aid will be required"


"Say goodnight Thunderbolt"
"I don't quite think that works"
"Boss Outside is on the move"



"Another Muton down. I'm surprised I haven't been shot yet"
"You will not take my freedom!"





"Oh yeah, now that's a good sweep"
"We nearly lost one man, and another got killed, and you call that a sweep?"
"Given the amount of stuff we get from this, yes"

^{Notice the second video is in so much better quality but came from twitch? Guess what guys, I GOT BETTER INTERNET! 5mbps upload! Wooo (as opposed to .7)}

[deathfun]

We've got a call here, it's from our operative

"I see you're not shot up Scotty"
"I see you're still an ass"
"I would prefer being in my plane"




"Sound out"
"I'm here, north of you guys"
"Damn, you've got a ways to travel"


"Grappling up"
"You have the shotgun, why are you getting into a vantage point?"
"Because I have the damned grapple"



"These guys just lay in wait don't they"
"They are legion"



"Elites! ****, they got through the armour"


"Happy... Animaze? I've been shot"




"This is Mills, I'm closing in on the relay"
"Hurry the **** up"



"Nice kill Animaze, now help me out over here"



"I'm hit, but still mobile. Hitting the relays"



"Screw you Sniper"
"Nading out!"




"Sniper is retreating"
"They're fixing their guns!"


"Relay down, I'm ****ing booking it!"




"They're closing in"
"Get the **** out of here people!"


"Big Sky! Go go go!"

[deathfun]

Contact! We've got a contact!

Intercept!

Commander... your presence is requested in the Cybernetics Lab

Oooooooh shiiiiit

Sweet holy mother of frigging awesome

"HOBBIE IS BACK *****ES. BACK WITH A VENGEANCE"
"And with slightly less limbs"

We've got an incoming transmission from the Coucil

A perfect time to send in our newly built suit of woman

Who sounds like a robotic male

Eh, se"man"tics. Eh? Ehhhhh?

Kill yourself

"This is going to be an escort mission?"
"Looks like, some science type fellow is looking to get out of his location"
"Oh, guys, check out this sick new song I came up with"
"Mother****er, I don't need to hear your damned beats right now"
"I WILL DELIVER A GREAT FURIOUS VENGEANCE UPON MY ENEMIES"
"Oh crap she's back"
"On the bright side, I can use Hobbie as cover so I don't have to find it myself"
"Right, course you'd do that Lepanto"




"Alright, make a line people, let's not let any of these alien pricks get past us"



"Opening door"


"Your turn Blargher"
"Time to **** **** up!"





"*Cough* ****, when are the labs going to make armour that prevents this?"
"Opening door"



"Well... ****"




"I got you Rookies!"



"ENGAGING HOSTILE. I SHALL DELIVER THE WORD OF GOD UNTO YOU. WITH BULLETS"


"**** man, you just killed my cover!"





"Taking a lot of fire over here!"
"Hostile has dropped into nearby sector, engaging"


"Area is clear, proceeding to next location"
"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE"



"Moving to assist"



"Mopping up, but there's still a few around there"


"You think you can kill me a second time?! I THINK NOT LITTLE SQUISHY MAN LIZARD THING"



"Coming up behind me eh?"



"Another one just takes his damned place..."



"You've got nothing on this assault Wolf"
"Death to the infidels!"



"This area is unsafe! Best to vacate!"



"Area is clear"
"Push up!"




"And just like that, we're done"
"Lost another one though"
"Not to be mean or anything, but he's easily replaceable"

[deathfun]

Raven-11... I think it was 11. Maybe it was twelve? Whatever, one of our birds splashed a tango and we've got movement on the ground

"Hey Hobbie, think you'll make it past this UFO crash?"
"I find your lack of faith disturbing"
"Mother****er just went Darth Vader on us"
"Why am I being equipped with this arch thrower? Doesn't Command know these things SUCK ****ING BALLS"
"Hey, when you become a scientist dart, you fix them"





"Dark and foggy... look to the flames people"
"The light is perfect for my look"



"It's quiet... too quiet"
"I've got visual on the UFO. It's in pretty rough shape"



"Outsider! Wonder where the rest of the crew is at..."
"Up north"



"Look at the big man with his claws"
"Keep out of his range, we'll take him out later"



"I like how this gun goes well with my armour. Much better than those laser rifles"


"Course I miss"
"REVENGE SHALL BE MINE"



"Damn Trash, making friends are you?"



"Gorgeous shot Gortina"
"Thank you thank you"






"Floaters are done and gone. Lets see if we can capture this one"





"Of course"


"Well, it was worth a shot"
"Command won't be happy, we ****ed up having two chances on that one"

[Gortef]

That was a lot of action this time. Especially on that one longer mission.
Also looks like the rookies have a hard time to stay alive now.

But daym I looked good on that one landing shot.

[Mika]

Must... resist... the... urge...

FAILED (99%)

Mechanical Man

Been playing vanilla I/I myself, I'm starting to think anything below 75 % from a heavy is a guaranteed miss.

[deathfun]

Must... resist... the... urge...

FAILED (99%)

Mechanical Man

Been playing vanilla I/I myself, I'm starting to think anything below 75 % from a heavy is a guaranteed miss.

When that happened I flipped my proverbial ****
"YOU FAILED WHAT?!"

By the way Mika... you're back

[Colonol Dekker]

http://www.uptofourplayers.com/comic/9-increase-panic-in-europe-by-1/

[deathfun]

New weapon technology? Didn't we just get Gauss weapons?

Who the hell cares, MORE DAKKA

EXALT is really starting to get on my nerves

We'll be able to deal with them soon, we've narrowed it down to 50% of the countries there was originally

Why can't we find any intel going "HEY I'M MR MESEEKS LOOK AT MEEEE" and shoot the annoying bastards

OH DOES IT FEEL GOOD TO BE BACK *****ES. Time to kick some ASS AND CHEW SOME DAMNED GUM. AND I HAVE GUM. Whoo, Cole-Train baby!

Welcome Scourge, you are as timeless as you are forgetful. Apparently you had applied for XCOM a while back but went off somewhere to do things and stuff. Okay, so the paperwork on our end was lost but you're still forgetful in your old age. Comes with being ageless. Wait, what?

"When I get an interceptor that can take out one of these transport UFO's I'll be a happy gal"
"And so would all of us when we won't have to bloody go up against a full compliment of aliens"
"But I like to see their deaths at the hands of my patriotism!"
"I also wouldn't have to move anywhere. That'd be pretty great for me"





"So, right or left?"
"Lets try out luck with right"



"A great start..."




"Tentacle creature is going to die by my brutal hands!"





"Alright, now that's ove-"
"We've got three berserkers!"











"Two down, one to go!"
"I hear jets in the background..."




"Target has been dispatched. I'm loving my new look!"
"You uh... you still got your manly bits there Mika?"
"They're mechanized now!"
"CHRYSSALIDS!"



"God dammit, can we not move two feet before getting swarmed by something?"









"Floater in sight!"
"He's retreating"
"Oh, so we get to move now? How quaint"




"Heavies and MEC round back"
"Copy that, moving to location"


"Drones inbound!"
"They'll regret crossing me!"





"Where the hell did that floater come from?"
"Apparently between you two!"
"How is that even possible?"
^{Spoiler alert: IT ****ING ISN'T}







"Everyone clear?"
"Yeah we're clear"
"Form up and lets move towards the bridge"
"Our favourite friends are located up there"



"Enemy has been spotted, engaging targets"





"Confirmed kill"
"Not a bad finish Droid"
"We've got movement on our flank!"




"We've got **** everywhere"
"Floaters first"




"You've got nothing on this"




"Moving to assist"



"The hell is that?"
"New tango! Is he wearing ****ing armour?"



"****, ****"
"You don't look a day older there Scourge"
"Where did these plasma marks come from..."


"Getting hammered over here!"
"We've got more of them!"


"Taking on the heavy guy"



"I've got you covered Phantom"





"Damn... felt that one... felt... GOOD"


"Engaging priority target"





"Integrity compromised"
"Got one inside the bridge"



"Moving to better position"


"**** me"
"Moving to help you out Lepanto!"



"Cheers myte"
"Anytime lass, we've got more incoming though"


"Target eliminated"
"Moving into the bridge"


"Two of them in here!"




"Nice shot Scourge"
"I thought I already killed that guy"


"DJ? Can you hear me DJ?"
"Everything... is fine"
"Why are you pointing that gun at me..."





^{Alright, so I wanted Patriot here to go up on top of the bridge's roof, but instead he warps over to the middle of the map. So, I take advantage of this and bring him up to where jr2 is. Woo glitches}





"MECs hull is holding. **** you alien"
"CommanderDJ?"


"He just ****ing shot me!"





"Taking heavy fire here"




"Just been shot by DJ!"
"Christ, can't we kill these ****ers?"
"That's my cue"



"Priority target has been terminated"
"****... the hell happened guys?"
"You tried to murder us"
"Well ****"






"This is Lepanto, I'm in position"
"Not doing so good over here"
"What, thought you liked getting shot Mongoose"





"Good to have you back Commander"
"Disabling target"



"There's that red bastard"






"Solid ****ing finish people"
"Almost didn't make it"
"Where's Phantom?"
"I'm here, had to run away for a bit"
"Medbay is going to love this run..."




^{Some other folks said things in this thread and I never recruited them... well they didn't really ask either but who cares! YOU'LL DIE HORRIBLY NOWWWWW}

No one is entirely sure what's ironic about Ironbeer, but for some odd reason he's earned the nickname. Perhaps it was when he pointed out the irony in the fact that the aliens are actually fueling their own demise by providing us with the tools to kill them with. How hilarious is that? Well, probably the fact he pumps iron while drinking profuse amounts of beer. Hence Ironbeer. Or was it beer that has high iron content... who the hell knows he drinks a lot

He's not a full fledged Colonel, at least, not in the XCOM Project. That didn't stop this once Colonel from failing to catch the A-Team and signing up to fight aliens! Maybe he'll have better luck taking down the alien scourge that plagues this planet. It'd be rather hilarious if at some point he comes across the A-Team in the process...
...or if the A-Team joins the XCOM project

[Scourge of Ages]

Awww yeah, more me for the grinder! Eat shotgun, aliens!

[Mika]

Not every day you wake up in a hospital without memories and later find out the aliens shot you to death and they did the Robocop on your lifeless body. Chopped the arms and legs right off, reinforced the torso with alloys and some life support systems, you know the deal. No-one knows whether there's a real skull beneath the skin, or if they do, they are not saying. Basically they said the person called Mika is dead, but they had taken advantage of the corpse by using this Meld stuff to get the preserved brain to function with the cybernetic implants. It's almost like black magic and zombies, but Vahlen says it's all electrical impulses. So basically I'm property of XCOM.

Vahlen is also saying there's a lot what the augmentations can't do anymore; it's not OK to brofist the guys in the Skyranger. Too coarse motoric control she said. They always thought machines are more efficient in everything, but this thing can't hit for ****. But when it does, it almost makes it worth it. Plus it can knock the walls out. And the speech synthesizer sounds awesome.

It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... actually, screw the bubblegum

[Off-character: Hell, I'll need to think of puns related to bigger guns and more related one-liners. And it would be freaking awesome if the transformation to MECs was actually by soldier deaths in XCOM]

[Mongoose]

deathfun someday this thread will not utterly destroy my browser to open, but this is not this day.  I guess the fact that I keep reading it regardless makes me a legit masochist.

[IronBeer]

No one is entirely sure what's ironic about Ironbeer, but for some odd reason he's earned the nickname. Perhaps it was when he pointed out the irony in the fact that the aliens are actually fueling their own demise by providing us with the tools to kill them with. How hilarious is that? Well, probably the fact he pumps iron while drinking profuse amounts of beer. Hence Ironbeer. Or was it beer that has high iron content... who the hell knows he drinks a lot

Awwww crap in a hat. Well, looks like I've got skin in the game now. To those about to die, we salute you!

* IronBeer chugs a tankard of [insert favorite brew here]

(Also +1 for the awesome manly 'stache.)